Prisoners of War
by Duplicitywistful
Summary: TRIGGERING CONTENT. I am completely rewriting this piece, so if you've read before, it may be drastically different. Teddy and Dora were kidnapped in 1998 by a pack of werewolves, leaving Remus Lupin believing them to be dead for five years.
1. Springtime NEW

**AN: I will be marking chapters as New or Revised as they are added. Please let this be your final warning: graphic violence, sex, cursing. I am reminding you because I will be likely adding more of these things as I lengthen and add mire details to my chapters. This story contains a good many of triggering themes, and I would rather you not continue at all if there is any possible chance you might be offended or hurt by anything. This is simply creative fiction. I do not own any of Harry Potter.**

The sky was ominous. A shelf of grey clouds clung low in the air, hiding any hints of blue sky or sunshine. The atmosphere was stiff and slow. The birds outside the clearing were loud and chirping and occasionally a squirrel or a chipmunk might run through the edge of the forest. But despite all of that, there was an eerie behaviour amongst the animals at this part of the woods. Even the animals knew about the collection of large, aggressive wolves that lived in the clearing. White wisps of smoke blew into the air from the piles of embers left over from the fires from the night before.

The spring migration was coming early to camp this year and it was in full swing. The last of the final snow of the year was melting away from the ground. Tents and cots were being unrolled as people, primarily men, flooded back in. The shelters varied from sheds and shacks that had been built for more permanent, winterized residents to lean-tos, to tents on the bare ground. They were less than a mile away from the lake. At least they were civilized to have the most basic amenities like running water. They lined up in even rows, fires scattered between the tents. Some of the lower ranking newborns didn't even have more than a canteen and a blanket and the clothes on their backs, but they were all loyal nonetheless. It was a strange sort of reunion, and it wasn't exactly a happy one. People weren't excited to be there, yet they weren't moaning and dragging their feet. This was routine. People were sleepy, drunk, and hungover, but they were very much awake now. And they were hungry for something besides the game from the woods, something more _human._ Voices were considerably louder now, and this raised up the annual spring anxiety was high.

Fenrir Greyback leaned down over the bed, pressing a harsh kiss against the base of the woman's neck, his hard hand caressing her throat as a reminder of his power. Her body cringed and she closed her eyes. They quietly got dressed. "It's cold this morning." He pointed out. "You should get the oven on."

"I will." Her weak voice replied.

"Hurry up." Greyback ordered. "I need to go handle some things. You can fix me food while I'm at it."

Teddy stared up at the ceiling, waiting to hear the door slam.

"Mummy?" The sleepy child's voice murmured. "Can I get up now?"

"Yes, he's gone. But you have to keep away from the window from now on. The other werewolves are hanging around." The mother warned, closing the curtain over the front window between the door and the bed. That's where she grew their plants in the winter when it was cold. She said their names were "cilantro" and "basil", which were pretty dumb names, the boy thought. As soon as she spoke, several faces below passed by the window, whooping and hollering as they saw her face. She had a _reputation_ around here, no matter how well she hid her face. It was unusual nowadays that there wasn't a deep ache inside of her chest, not caused by any sort of physical injury, but by the stress of everyday life. Part of her wondered if her heart rate had actually increased over the past five years or if it was a fragment of her imagination.

The little boy crawled out from his hole, a small cavity created between the northwestern corner and a heavy bookcase and a child sized dresser that had been scavenged years ago. They didn't have many books or clothes, but the shelves were useful as they didn't have any sort of closet space. A toddler sized mattress was lying there for him to sleep on, and it was almost in worse condition than the other bed on the other side of the protective barrier. They were the only ones in camp to have the luxury of all of the working parts of a bathroom: a sink built into the wall (no matter how bad the pressure was, a sink was a sink), a bathtub with only cold water, and a barely functioning toilet in the corner with no means of privacy. Their "kitchen" that wrapped around the southeast corner also had a wooden stove, a sofa, a table with two chairs, a semi-cold place to store food, and a single hand-built cabinet.

The young boy bounced out onto the double bed, smiling. "Good morning, Mummy!" He beamed. He was not quite five years old, but he didn't look it. He wasn't as sickly as his mother. His brown hair wasn't as dull and brittle as hers, his pale skin didn't have as many visible veins behind it, and his deep brown eyes weren't as glossed over with pain.

"Good morning, Darling." She smiled back, walking over to him, her arms wrapping him up in a suffocating hug as she planted kisses all over his head. She was already dressed in a heavy sweater and a pair of jeans. He laughed, his voice muffled by her chest. "I _missed_ you!"

"But you didn't leave!" He shook his head. "You were in bed all night."

"I know, but I waited _all night_ to see you." She sighed, kissing his head again, but lingering with her lips pressed against his forehead before pulling back.

"Then why didn't you _make_ Mister Greyback leave?" He whined.

"I can't." His mother remarked bluntly. She got to her feet and began straightening up the sheets and covers on the bed. They were old and ratty and far from the original white that they were meant to be. "You know I can't. And get off that. You know better." There was a towel spread out, but she quickly snatched it up from off the bed and folded it in on itself, laying it across the foot of the bed.

"Sorry." He said quietly. She quickly kissed him again. "Mummy!" He grumbled, scrunching up his nose and wiping away her kisses with his sleeve.

Her arms squeezed him up again. "Teddy, do you know how much I love you?"

"Lots?" Her asked, smothered by her chest. She didn't have much of a bosom anymore; his ear could hear the calm thumping of her heart against her ribcage and feel the ridges of her sternum. Maybe she needed a vitamin, to make her big and strong, just like he did, he thought.

She shook her head and looked down at him, a small grin on her lips. "I took _all_ the love that I could feel, all the love in the whole wide world, and I give it to you. There's not a thing in this world I love at all, except you."

Teddy thought for a moment. "Even chocolate cake?"

"Even chocolate cake." She smiled. She withdrew from him, ruffling his hair. "Come on, it's time for breakfast. What do you say?"

"What are we having?"

She looked a paper taped on the old fashioned icebox. "Thursday... bagels, yes?" They didn't have many options when it came to food. Porridge or bagels, and dry cereal as an emergency backup.

The boy pursed his lips. "Can we have them warm?"

"Of course we can." She assured. "And since it's grocery day next week, we get..."

"Orange juice!" He exclaimed. Teddy scurried across the small room to the table in one of the two chairs and plopped down. There had once been three chairs, but his mother broke apart the third one (manually, since her wand had been broken), using half as firewood for the oven and the other half as weaponry that had long since been lost. She didn't regret the decision. If they ever had a "guest" that stayed for a meal, he'd have to be on the floor and that was that. She didn't care if she had to chop up the sofa too to keep him off of it, she didn't want any part of that vile man on her furniture. Though as alluring as her fantasy was, she knew this wasn't _really_ her home. She could lose it all in moments. These things were earned slowly over time as the occasion called for them.

 _"Orange juice?"_ She mimicked, grabbing a single glass from the cupboard.

"Do we have to share now, too?"

"Unfortunately." His mother sighed. "With all the people around, we have to."

"Why?"

"Water conservation is important because we don't want to run out of water. Or the Mister'll get mad." She rolled her eyes. "It means we have to use as little as possible, even if it's stupid, because... we will run out of things faster. He won't bring us as much money, or as much food because other people need money and food."

"Why?"

"Because other people deserve stuff like water and food, too."

"But why can't he bring more to everyone?"

"He hates us being happy, I suppose," She rolled her eyes. "Or he only wants us to have so much water, I dunno." She replied in a tired voice as she set the glass across from the boy. "Do you want butter?"

"Yes please." The boy took a drink of the juice, watching his mother try and charm the bagel to be warm with her hands. She scraped up the last of the butter container for only a sliver of actual butter. "Are you going to kick his butt?"

She avoided his eye. "You know, it's finally getting warmer outside. Maybe in a few weeks, we can go for longer walks."

"Does this mean we won't need to wear coats anymore? Since it's warmer outside?"

"Soon." He enjoyed watching her cook and do chores. She was by far the prettiest person he had ever seen in his life. She wasn't dirty or wrinkled or mean looking. She was just _Mummy._ Her teeth were fairly straight and not black with rot, and her skin wasn't scarred up or sunburnt or diseased. Her hair wasn't matted either. She had smooth, short brown hair like his, though hers fell into her eyes around haircut time and was long enough to pull back in a tiny stub behind her head. She had scars on her ears in several places. Legend had it that she had once had petal pieces put in her ears, but after one of the was ripped out and left a nasty cut, she got rid of them all. She also appeared to have many names, but to him, she was always just Mummy to him. In her last life, people always called her by her last name, by Tonks, but nowadays even her name, her own identity was meaningless. "Not just yet, but soon." She plated the two bagels, opting for the dry, stale one for herself. "Okie dokie." He replied,

"We need to work on out list." Tonks announced, bringing breakfast to the table with a piece of paper and her pen.

"More orange juice." The boy declared. "And-"

"Hang on-" She chuckled, scribbling some things down. "Mister wanted canned beans, and he asked for greens this time." The way she said his name was always bitter, almost sarcastic.

"What are greens?"

"It's like... soggy, leafy vegetables, but it's sort of good." Her eyebrows furrowed. "You _know_ what greens are, silly. You've had _some_ vegetables."

"Why does he ask for greens if they're soggy, instead of something good, like sweets?"

"He doesn't like sweet things." She mumbled. "And he only asks for food he doesn't get on raids. He said he wanted chicken, and I think we've got some potatoes that are still good, but some canned fruit would be nice. Do you like pineapple or-"

"Why do they go on raids?"

His mother didn't look up from her list. "To get supplies. Do you like pineapple or-"

"Why does Mister Greyback want to hurt people when he goes? Why can't you just get supplies?"

"Because he's the worst person in the whole wide world." She huffed, not exactly restraining herself. They both knew he was a bad person, they just couldn't say it to his face. "Do you prefer pineapple or pears?"

"I like pears." He announced. "Why can't _you_ buy all the supplies?"

"Because we don't have enough money."

"Why not?"

"Because no one here has jobs."

"What does a job do?"

"Jobs make you money. No one here gets jobs."

"Why?"

"Because... the people here believe in hurting people to get their way instead of being good people and getting what they earn and what they deserve. They're entitled."

"Why don't you have a job? Are _you_ entitled?"

"No." Tonks knew her son meant well, with all his boyish foolishness, but the words stung her a bit. "Because he says I can't work."

He nodded solemnly. "Are you going to get back at him one day?"

"No, Teddy, he'll just hurt me real bad." She told him. Her voice trailed off to a point where she was really only talking to herself. "Paper products for _me,_ canned pears, chicken, canned collard greens, soap, orange juice, eggs, milk... what am I forgetting? Let's see, we have flour, oil, sugar for baking... potatoes, and baking soda... salt and pepper... cereal may be close, but we'll make it to next month... Maybe some soup, if we have enough money left over."

"Mummy, do we need vitamins?"

"Oh, damn." She crossed over to the bed, pulling something out from the inside of the mattress. It was a small bottle of pills. She popped one in her mouth and swallowed dry, before putting the cotton back in place and putting the bottle inside the mattress. She sat down on the bed, bouncing the springs to see if the sound was muffled enough to keep the pills from rattling. "We do need some more, yes. Thanks for reminding me."

"What will Mister Greyback do if he finds your vitamins?" The boy asked curiously. "Why is it so important to hide them?"

"He'll hurt me even worse." His mother sighed. There was a separate plastic bottle on the shelf, which she dug out two vitamin gummies for her son, who chewed them up quietly. "Butter? Maybe we'll play it safe and go ahead and get butter." She mumbled to herself.

"Can we get candy this time?" He inquired, carefully eyeing the bottle of gummies.

"Not this month. We need vinegar more. That's what I was thinking."

"Why do we need vinegar?" He asked in an angry voice.

"To clean with."

"But vinegar is _smelly_ and chocolate is _good!"_ He shouted at her.

"Teddy, we have a budget." She replied sternly. He stayed quiet. "Don't you remember the rules?"

"Always listen to Mummy, always stay close to Mummy, don't talk to strangers, and don't take food from strangers." He recited with much irritation.

"Very good." Tonks nodded, finishing her last few bites of half of her dry bagel. She tried to subtly slide the other half into his plate. "Now, once you're done with breakfast, I need to go run some outside errands."

"Can I help?"

"Not today."

Teddy stared at the bathtub thoughtfully. "Is it still bath day?"

"Yes sir, it is." She smiled, handing him his plate, and wiping the crumbs off her own plate with a dirty rag that sat on the oven.

He smiled. Bath day was his one of his favourite days, though he didn't much care to help with the laundry. "I like bath day." The boy told her.

"I know you do." She chuckled. "Come here, do you want to mark the day off?" He eagerly walked over to her, letting her lift him up to cross the day out with pen on the small calendar hanging above the oven. "Do you know what today is?" She asked as she set him back down.

"Thursday?"

"But what day is it?"

"March?"

"March _what?"_

"March... March- _Thursday?"_

"What does the number say?"

"One-fifty."

 _"No."_ His mother could keep herself from laughing. "What's the first number?"

"One."

"And the second?"

"Five."

"So what does that make? Do you know?"

"Six?"

"No, don't add them. What's five after ten? The one in front means ten's there, you just can't see it. So ten plus five."

"Fifty?"

"Not quite."

"Fifty!" He shouted defensively. "Fo'teen, fifty, sixteen!"

 _"Fifteen."_ She correctly lightly.

"Oh!" Teddy smiled. "And tomorrow is sixteen and then seventeen and then eighteen and then nineteen and then-" He couldn't think.

"Twenty." His mother told him. "You've got a birthday coming up. Maybe for your birthday, I can get you a school book. Something useful."

"When's my birthday?"

"A month and three days." She sighed, beginning to tidy up the dishes from the night before. She knew every single dish that they had used in the past day yet an extra dirty plate and fork found its way into the mess. She hated for knowing exactly who had gone through their food. Tonks slipped her ring off her ring finger and her eyes were locked onto it. It was her "pretty ring" as Teddy called it, a small ring with a single diamond on it, that she always wore on her fourth finger.

"Dishes is for bedtime, Mummy." The little boy said.

"I know, but I forgot last night." She was distracted by something, which she could only try and cover up by cleaning. Looking at the calendar stirred up another painful memory. It wasn't a memory she purposefully blocked out or hated, it wasn't a memory she tried to avoid, it was just a memory she didn't have time to think about nowadays.

"Silly _Mummy."_

"Silly Mummy." Tonks repeated. "At least there's less to do later."

"Are you okay Mummy?

"I am." She said quietly. "I just... forgot something and happened to remember it again."

"What did you remember Mummy?"

"Someone's birthday. Someone else, someone you don't know." She shook her head. "You don't know him."

"Who is it?" Teddy inquired.

"No one. I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"Who is it?"

"I said no one." She told him sternly.

"Who's _no one?"_ He mocked.

Then Tonks started crying. They weren't big, loud tears, but she couldn't stop them from coming out. He didn't know if it was his fault or not, and if they were good or bad tears. He didn't say anything for a while, hoping his mother would, but she didn't, so he showed himself to time out. Time out meant sitting in his bed until Mummy said he could come out. This was _somehow_ supposed to be different from bedtime. He had to crawl back in his put the dresser and bookshelf in front of his bed so he couldn't see her bed, which she said was for "his own good", whatever _that_ meant.

Her footsteps paced around the room, her nose sniffling until her tears finally stopped. "Teddy?" Her voice was still sad. "You're not in trouble. Come here, love." She collapsed onto her knees as the weight of her thoughts weighed her down.

Teddy got off his mattress. "Yes, Mummy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad." He crawled up into her lap, giving her a hug.

"It's okay." She told him. "It's just that..." She shook her head. "You won't understand."

"Won't understand what?" He asked. "I'm big! I'm _very_ big, I understand a lot."

"You are." His mother laughed, wiping away her tears. Her wedding ring was being turned over and over between her fingers. "You're so big. You're growing up so fast."

"What's wrong, Mum?" He prodded. "Who did you remember?"

"My husband." Tonks swallowed the knot in her throat. "Sometimes... when people are really in love, they decide to sign a piece of paper that says they're going to love each other forever. So they live together and sometimes they have babies... If it's a man, he becomes the husband, and the woman becomes a wife. And... a long long _long_ time ago, I signed a paper and got married. And it's tradition to give your wife a ring. And that's what this is."

Teddy got frustrated. "You said you found it."

"I know." She said, looking at her hand. "But it was a gift."

"Then why did you lie?"

"To protect you, Teddy."

"But lying is _bad."_ He remarked.

"I know, but I'm allowed to lie. Only sometimes. If I have to." She told him.

"You're not married. You can't be married, you live here with me and Mister Greyback-" Teddy told her.

"I didn't used to. And... I'm not married to... to Mister... Greyback." She snapped at him. "You know, I didn't always live here. I used to live in the _real world_. I used to have my own Mummy and Daddy, and a _husband_ , and I used to live in a big house with several rooms. Before I got taken here."

"And then I got zapp-ed into your belly by a magic spell and you had me!" Teddy exclaimed. "That's what you said happened!"

"I-" She froze up. "Yes, that is what I said happened."

"What's wrong?" He looked more concerned. "Did you lie about that too?"

"I... not exactly. It's just... complicated." Tonks tried to laugh it off. "Babies are complicated." She said quickly, running her fingers through fingers. "Forget it, love. Hey, let's get you a bath and I'm going to go get some more wood for the fireplace, okay? If you get the water, I can warm it up with my magic."

"Yes, ma'am!" Teddy loved bath time, but he didn't like the part where he was actually supposed to get into the bath. Instead he turned the bath water on and went and bounced around on the bed, then onto the sofa, then the floor. He tried going the other way, but it didn't work well, he he just cycled through bounces. He got so distracted trying to play a game where he didn't touch the ground that he didn't notice the overfilling bathtub until it was much too overfilled, splashing and sloshing all over the wooden floor. He froze in place, staring at the chaos in panic and uncertainty of what to do.

The door came slamming open. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" A man's voice boomed. Teddy shrieked, falling down on the bed. The man was towering and furious looking.

"Mummy!" He screamed, cowering back to the head of the bed. He looked across the room where water was overflowing from the bathtub, and spilling all over the floor. "MUMMY!"

"Teddy!" Tonks came running up the front steps. He scrambled across the bed to her, but she refused to pick him up. Nearly slipping and falling, she pushed herself in between the man and her son. "He's a _boy!_ He didn't know better!" She shouted at the man.

"I thought your job was to fucking watch him!" The man yelled. Teddy was shaking in fear at him. "I hear water running, so I glance in the window and that's what I see? How ungrateful are you, that you let this stupid little shit run around, wasting my water?"

"It was an accident! He didn't mean it!" She stood up angrily to him.

"Well maybe he needs to learn to _fucking behave!_ Maybe if you knew how to be a mother!" There was a loud noise and she drew back with a wince. She was crying _real_ tears now, and they weren't stopping. Greyback continued to shout over her tears until they were both incomprehensible. " _Shut up!_ Just shut up! Do you ever actually think? You don't, do you? _Do you?_ No, you just go ahead and open your mouth, you stupid bitch! You're lucky I even give you food to eat!"

Teddy curled up on the pillows, crying silently into his mother's pillow in fear until the yelling drowned out. The scary man had left, and she didn't say anything. Tonks didn't know what to do either, but she went to try to shut off and clean up the water.

"Mummy?" He sobbed.

"Yes darling?"

"Am I a stupid little... little shit?" Teddy knew he wasn't meant to curse, but he wasn't _really_ saying it.

"No, you're not." She said quietly. "He's being.. he's a butthole."

He tilted his head up to her. "Mummy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I peed some." He said shyly. Sure enough, his pants were wet. "I didn't mean to. I got scared."

"Hey, it's okay." She said softly, walking over to the bed, and cradling him in her arms. There was a big red mark on the side of her face. They approached the bathtub which was no longer flooding. "It's okay, love. He isn't going to hurt you. He won't hurt you."

"Promise?" He asked as she sat him down and began stripping off his clothes.

Tonks kissed his cheek. "I promise, love."


	2. Let Go NEW

Remus's eyes scanned his over his schedule. He had been working five days a week as a manager at Flourish and Blott's for a while now and he quite liked his comfortable routine, but his hours had been temporarily cut back to four. Mr. Blott's didn't explain it. But Remus was going along with his instructions, marking down his days on the calendar, though he didn't understand how this was going to work out in the end yet. Arms sneaked up behind him, wrapping around his middle.

"You don't need any more grey hairs, now did you?" A woman's voice cooed. Her bushy eyebrows furrowed. "Why are you so stressed tonight?"

"Stressed?" He wondered, chewing on the end of his pen.

The woman rolled her eyes. Cleverly Borrows had been the same year and house as Remus in school, but they had aged very differently over the years. She was a well-dressed and well respected journalist for the Prophet and he was still trying to break out of his cycle of spending only a few months at any minimum wage job he could find. She had silky dirty blonde curls that rested on her shoulders and and he already had greying hair. His skin was more rough and wrinkled after the first year or so after the tragedy making him look worse than ever. But she still loved him unconditionally. They had been friends for decades, but their connection hadn't rekindled until after his wife's funeral. Slowly, the pair found themselves growing closer, their lives intertwining as they both flourished in the new, post-war world. They had made a considerable life for themselves. They had a new home together, steady jobs, and enough money to live comfortably, but it lacked one thing: his courage to propose to her. She often found herself trying to prod him to even mention the idea of weddings or children. _They were wasting time,_ she thought, that they could be spending raising their own family and putting the tragedy behind them. "What's wrong?"

"My hours got cut at work, I'm down to only four days, just over thirty hours a week now. We'll have to completely readjust our budget for groceries and-"

Cleverly pecked his cheek. "Good, now maybe a three day weekend might convince you to let me take you out somewhere nice. We've never been on a proper vacation together, have we?"

"Nice try, but I'm working Friday's, not Thursday's." Remus smirked. Cleverly had been talking for ages now about how they needed to get out more. "Maybe I can take a longer break over the summer and we could go up to the coast. Though I don't know how you feel about going to the beach. Or maybe we can go on that trip up to my parents' that we've talked about."

"You could use some sun." She said pointedly.

"Right." He flipped the calendar to April. "But we might not have _money_ to travel if I'm not working a forty hour week-"

"Stop fretting about this." Cleverly ordered. "We'll make do, and I'm sure if you wanted a day on the weekend they would happily give it to you." His face dropped with concern, staring at calendar, his hand beginning to shake. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Remus ducked his head down to avoid her, prying himself out from her grasp and walking to the other side of the kitchen. He cut her off, preoccupying himself with an unnecessary amount of pasta stirring on the stove.

"Remus?" Cleverly persisted. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He shrugged his shoulders.

She took a deep breath and sighed. "No, it _is_ something. What is it?" She looked back at the calendar, trying to piece together something about the month of April.

"I said it's nothing, I've just got to finish dinner-"

"Remus-"

"It's... it's almost Teddy's birthday. Just a couple more weeks." He said awkwardly. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Oh, Teddy..." Cleverly let go of her breath. "How... old would he be now anyways?" Her voice was timid. She always tried her best to be as sympathetic about his former family, but sometimes, more often than not, it came out a bit too insincere.

"Five." Remus said. "Five years old. Five year olds are... he could've started school in the fall. He would've learned to read and all that by now anyways. I'm not exactly sure what else I could've missed by now. Five years old seems like a fairly final developmental stage. I mean, he would've been done with most of his firsts by now. But starting school is still very important."

"He might've been showing signs of his accidental magic by now." Cleverly added in.

"Maybe so." Remus nodded in agreement. He passive aggressively tossed the pen over onto the counter alone with his schedule. "I miss them." His voice was small, barely audible over the boiling water.

"Of course you do." Cleverly remarked, following behind him. "Don't worry about it, I can get the pasta, if you want to go sit down-"

"I can finish it, I don't mind." He confessed.

She watched him carefully, cocking her head to the side. "Maybe we should plan something for that night. For his birthday."

"We don't have to." Remus shrugged. "We've never done anything before, I don't see why we should do something all of a sudden."

"Maybe that's the closure that you need." She suggested. "And... maybe we invite over Ted and Andy. Have you talked to them lately?"

"No, not particularly."

"You know, I think Andy can be a bit crazy sometimes." Cleverly said thoughtfully. "She's the sweetest lady, but the way she talks to you-"

"She's not _crazy,_ they just want company, is all." Remus shot back defensively. "They haven't got any children, so they're inviting us to dinner."

She faced him, her hands on her hips. "Don't you think it's _strange_ that they keep writing you the way they do, _all of these years later?_ I dunno, I just think it's odd that they expect you over for dinner at least once a week."

"I don't think she's crazy. I was apart of their _family_ once too. You have to remember that they don't have anyone else to invite." He defended. "They don't have grandkids or kids to take care of for that matter. I was... I _am_ probably the closest thing they have to a son."

"Right. _Five years ago_. I'm sure it would crush them to see you try and move on with your life." She bit her lip.

"I'm already moving on with my life. I've got _you_ , haven't I?" He coaxed.

"You _do._ But I'm just worried about you." She said. "And... you know, maybe I feel like I'm meant to be the antagonist, like I'm the problem. Your parents, Andy and Ted... even Harry, they don't like me."

"Why wouldn't they?" He asked.

"It just seems like no one is ready for us to make bygones be bygones. Like even _you're_ not ready."

"So what if I'm _not?"_ He asked. "I'm not allowed to mourn the birthday that my own child should have had?"

"I absolutely think you should mourn his birthday! But what if you are never better? Maybe you ought to talk to someone then. Like a professional... a healer... a _doctor_. I'm worried about how you're grieving, you're not letting go of this and I'm afraid for you."

"Because my wife and child were murdered, Clary?" His voice became hardened and offensive.

"I didn't mean it like that. I know this hurts Remus, but you're only making yourself dwell on it more. You-"

"I'm only dwelling on it because you reminded me of them!"

"You have to let them go, Remus. Dwelling on the dead isn't going to bring them back." She stepped closer to him, stroking his hair with her fingers, her head cradled against his shoulder. "And really, can't you think about me for a second? I just want what's best for you, for us. Why can't you let us build our own life together? _We_ have to be the ones to take the first step so that people can understand that we're happy together."

"Why do you need validation from other people?"

Cleverly got very quiet. "Maybe it's time we spread their ashes."

"Maybe I'm not ready to move away from them. Maybe I'm not ready to spread their ashes, maybe I'm not ready to take their pictures down." Remus persisted. "I'm not allowed to keep their memories here? I am perfectly fine with moving on without them, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have what's left of them!"

"Maybe you're just telling yourself that you aren't ready. Sweetheart, I'm just frightened for you. I know that this is hard. What are you going to do when you really see that you can't get them back?"

"You think I don't know that?"

"No, but I think part of you wishes you could."

"Well of course I do!"

"And you're going to become obsessive."

"I am not." Remus spat.

"Then why are you so stuck where you're at? It's like you relive those days over and over, waiting for them to come back, like you-"

"Have you ever lost a child? You weren't there the night that auror said that they found the grave, that there was an infant's bones scattered on the top. You don't have anything on your mantle with two bodies in it, that you know aren't even completely sure are your loved one's entire body because of how everything was so decomposed, but it's al, so you take it. The only thing you did was help me strip down the wallpaper in the front bedroom!"

"Right, because I'm supposed to be the unsupportive bitch, am I not? I've been nothing but here for you, Remus. This whole time, I've tried to make things a little bit better for you. And I feel like every time I turn around, you've forgotten me for a dead woman."

"I haven't forgotten you, love." He told her, kissing the side of her head. "I couldn't if I tried."

"Then why don't you-" She refused to continue what she was saying.

"Why don't I what?"

"Why don't you just _say it?"_ Cleverly demanded.

"Say _what?"_ Remus backed up defensively. "Did you not hear what I just said?"

"No, not _that."_ She huffed, crossing her arms. "Just _ask me_ already, will you?"

"Ask you _what?"_ He snapped back.

"You are _the blindest_ man I've ever met!"

"What? What do you want me to ask? _How was your day?_ What do you want from me, Clary?"

"When _the hell_ are you going to ask me to marry you?"

Remus looked bewildered and his eyes grew wide. _"What?"_

"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to just bloody _ask me_ to marry you?" Her voice shouted.

Remus stared at her terrified. "What are you talking about?"

"We've been together for almost two years know and I-"

"Clary, I-" He let out an exasperated sigh. "You know, maybe I had other things on my mind. I never considered it. I thought it was good enough that we live together. _Why?"_ He asked. _"Why_ is _that_ what you choose to focus on? I've been perfectly happy with the way we are and I thought we were happy. I thought maybe our wellbeing was more important than a dumb marital status."

"It's more than that." She shot back. "What about kids? Seriously, we aren't going to be young forever."

"Maybe I don't want any more!"

"Maybe you're just frightened!"

"Oh, now you're being petty."

 _"Am I?"_ Cleverly growled.

"Is this why you dragged up Dora?"

"Maybe it is." Cleverly went quiet. "If you don't propose, I will."

"Then do it!" Remus taunted.

"Maybe I will!" She yelled.

They stayed silent. He quietly put the pasta on both of their plates and she shuffled around to get them silverware. The ate quietly together, but the tension slowly faded out.

"Clary?"

"Yeah?"

"Do we- should we um," He cleared his throat. "Should be go looking for a ring?"

"Not until you'd like to ask." Cleverly replied without looking up at him. "What ever happened to Dora's ring? Not that I want it, I just never heard what happened to it. I know it was your mother's old engagement ring."

"It was taken. Or lost." He mumbled. "She had it when they took her."

Cleverly took his hand and squeezed it. "It's okay, Rem. I'm sorry I asked."

"No, you're fine." He said quiet, kissing the back of her hand. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled. "But I don't want you to ask until you're ready."

"I know, but-"

"It's okay, Rem." She stood up and walked by him, kissing his cheek. "Take your time to think, you hear? I'm going to bed."

He nodded silently and let her clean up the rest of dinner. "I will."

xxxxx

Tonks was sitting on the edge of her bed in a long shirt pulled over her legs. Teddy was softly snoring on his own mattress and she anxiously looked back and forth at her watch. She could barely see it in the dim light of the cabin, but she could tell it was already almost ten.

The ferocious militia outside was too exhausted, too cold to be anywhere but near the campfires tonight, not carrying on with their usual loud and drunken stupor.

Today felt like it was a hundred years long. Tonks anxiously twisted her ring in circles around her finger. What day was it? What had she had for breakfast? She remembered going outside for something, keeping her eyes to the brown grass to keep people from giving her attention, her heart racing with each step. That feeling would fade as summer went on. That must have been to collect firewood. The oven could barely keep up to make their drafty home warm. Her pantless legs shivered. Teddy seemed to be comfortable enough though, wrapped up under his own blankets.

Tonks tried not to pretend that the silence bothered her. She knew he was on his way tonight at some point, but it was not a good sign that the wolves were asleep this early. They were saving their energy for something, and likely something big. Tonks knew there were second and third commands somewhere who took orders from him, but she didn't know which ones they were, but they didn't seem to be taking their usual lead. Greyback was planning something _big._ They had so many people now that even if they wanted to kill the Minister of Magic they wouldn't take everyone all at once. She tried to imagine a pack of hundreds of werewolves charging the Ministry or Diagon Alley, the carnage that would ensue, the massive body count.

Greyback was particularly territorial, over his mate, his home, whatever kind of family structure this was supposed to be imitating... An accident had only happened once, but once was more than enough. Tonks's status alone as being protected by Greyback made her valuable property, something that the others looked at her with adoration, with hunger and lust. A man tried to grab her once when she first arrived. He hadn't so much as lifted her off the ground when Greyback knocked him down. Tonks didn't see the scuffle over her shoulder, but she never him get up after being struck, and whether he was breathing or not, the man had to be carried away by a group of others. She didn't know if it was reassuring or terrifying to know that she had that kind of protection. However, it also meant that if things were ever to south, her head would go second on the chopping block. Did that make her an accomplice to an act of terror?

"Lupin." Greyback said in a low voice. He shut the door softly and casually peeled off his jacket. That was the more polite of her various names. "You waited up for me." He chuckled softly, prying off his boots. "You're usually asleep by now."

"Yeah, I guess I am." She replied. She usually wasn't. Usually, she turned out the lights and hid her face so it would be easier to live with what he was doing. Tonight, Tonks washed her hair and combed it out neatly, wearing a clean shirt and waited up for him. That was the most effort she was going to give him. "I dunno."

"How's the boy?" He asked, inspecting the bathtub now.

"He's fine."

"I was too busy yelling at him, wasn't I? I didn't realize it was the first time in a while I'd seen him. He's growing up well and all?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that." Tonks mumbled.

"You'd better be." He didn't yell or bark at her. He just walked across the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water and sat comfortably at the kitchen table. Tonks could see him best under the light of the lantern.

There was something about his face that didn't even look human. His teeth were sharp and black with rot. He had a gold cap on one of them, about three teeth back on the left side of his face. His nose was long and crooked and pointed at the end. It didn't fit his face. He had unshaven beard that creeped up the sides of his face halfway up his cheeks and a wind-tangled mess of black hair. He looked to her like he was nearly seven feet tall. He wasn't muscular in the sense that he had defined muscles in his abdomen or veins the stuck out on his arms, but he was very obviously a solid wall of a man. But it was his eyes that scared her more than his abominable size. They were black holes on his face, and were she brave enough, she might have looked directly into them, searching for any sort of emotion, something that wasn't red hot with anger, wild... less human than anyone she had ever met.

"Sorry." Tonks mumbled, shaking her head. "Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Yeah, what do you want?" He shot back.

"I want to know what you're planning." She asked coyly, tilting her head as she watched him.

"What makes you think I'm planning anything?"

"People are exhausted. You're working them hard out there. For one, I went for a walk today and no one even harassed me." Tonks shook her head. "You're gone more. You're rallying up more people for something, aren't you?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head over it." His lips pursed together.

"I... I just want to keep in the know. I live here too." Her voice was shaking, but she tried to keep her voice light. "I'd like some warning if we're planning on moving again soon."

Greyback quickly brushed her off. "We ain't going anywhere."

"What's your quota?" Tonks slowly nodded, her nerves growing worse. He was finishing his glass of water. "I mean, how many people are getting bitten per month? How many people are you recruiting?"

"People are finally starting to come around." He said in a low growl. "Some of the boys are too excited, though. Too many necks get broken or they bleed out. I've got to have them go in smaller groups."

Horrifying images appeared in her mind, of men and women being mauled to death by werewolves. Chances were, there wasn't anything left of them at the end of the night except bones. "So you just... eat people now, yeah? I always took you for a man with an agenda."

"We don't go out to _eat_ nobody." He scoffed.

"Right." Tonks said dryly. "So what's the story? Are you still biting little kids nowadays?"

"When I need to." Greyback's lips turned upward. "How _is_ the boy?"

"He has a name." Their eyes locked onto the other's. "Do you know what it is?"

"Are you calling me stupid?"

"Do you know it?"

"The kid's name is Teddy. I remember 'cause that's the only thing you used to scream about when you first got here." His back straightened. "You used to waste all of your breath begging me not to kill him."

"Oh don't tell me he's growing on you."

"He needs a father figure in his life." Anger bubbled in her chest. He _needed_ his real father. "He has a lot of... potential. He'll be a valuable member one day."

Tonks's breath staggered. "Are you... are you coming to bed?" She tried not to sound too excited.

"In a minute." Greyback snorted. "You're getting eager now, huh? Five years and I'm finally growing on you, ain't I? Am I that good?"

Of course, he wasn't expecting an actual answer. This was a trick question. He didn't need her validation to get him off, if anything, he much preferred her tears and screams over any kind of compliments. He didn't need her to make up something to say to talk dirty to him to get him off nor was he going to hit her until she did.

Tonks stayed silent, biting her lip. She crawled towards the end of her bed to face him. "I need a favour."

"Mmmm." The man nodded.

"...and I need to know what I need to do to repay you."

"Spit it out, then. Don't just waste oxygen."

"His birthday is coming up. I want to get him a new book. I dunno, teach him maths or grammar or something."

"What's wrong with the ones I've brought back?" Greyback demanded.

"They're good!" She threw in quickly. "His favourite is Charlotte's Web, and he also likes the one, um, The Giving Tree, and-"

"So what?"

"I... well, I can't take him to school, can I? The boy deserves to have _some_ education."

"Why?"

Tonks sighed. "Because. It's his _birthday_ in a few weeks. I just want to surprise him." There was never enough to do to keep a small boy occupied in a place like this. Tonks tried her hardest to keep him busy while she cleaned and washed the laundry, but even that didn't keep him occupied for the entire day.

"Does he like sweets or some shit?"

"Those will just rot his teeth." He let out a long sigh and stood up. Tonks became filled with adrenaline and leaned backwards on her arms on the mattress.

"Where are the sheets?"

"It's laundry day."

"What does that mean?"

"Teddy, um... he pissed his pants and I had to wash the sheets. They're drying." She anxiously adjusted the pillows. "It's fine, I've got a towel down, don't I?"

"You're..." He huffed. "Fine." He pulled his shirt off over his head. His body was even more grotesque without clothes.

"So what? Is that permission? For the book?" Tonks asked.

Greyback grabbed her by the hips, forcing her to lie down. His breath was hot and rancid, loud and heavy as he began kissing the side of her neck. She tried to suck in air, but her chest began to hurt. "Whatever you want." She could feel his tongue run over her skin. "But on a condition."

"What?"

"I want you to come with us to someone's house."

"Why? What for?" Tonks demanded.

"What do you think for. To crash the place."

"A raid?" She croaked. "I don't have a wand, and-"

"What? You want shit, you're going to work for it." He panted, his rough hand grabbing her by the legs. His lips pressed against her and she winced. "We're leaving tomorrow night."

Tonks didn't respond. Her eyes were squeezed shut and she simply nodded. She tried to zone out to forget where she was, and what she was doing. Some nights, if she could detach herself enough from the bedroom that she could pretend she was in her own bedroom back at home with soft bedsheets, with her own husband kissing her. His breath was too putrid, his body too grotesque, the bed too uncomfortable. She just wanted sleep. But now, she probably wasn't going to even get a wink.

A long finger brushed across her forehead. "Don't be so tense." Greyback told her. "Your face is gonna get all ugly and wrinkled." His hand slid up up bare stomach, pushing her t-shirt up to her neck, exposing her bare chest. His lips trailed down her chest. Her body squirmed as his tongue over her nipple.

"You're worried about my face getting wrinkled?" Her eyes finally opened, looking down his chest. It was obscured by his chest hair, except for a white scar across his shoulder that was hard to see beneath the dim light. Tonks reached up and rested her hands firmly on his shoulders. She had given him that scar. Actually, she had given him several over the past five years. She had bit him at least twice, though it wasn't like that meant anything to him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Her voice came out in barely a whisper.

Greyback's hand squeezed her throat. "Why can't you you just stay quiet?" His voice was exasperated with her. "You can be so annoying sometimes."

Her body was forcefully twisted around and her eyes flew open; her face was being smothered into the mattress. "Why are you doing this to me-" Her vision blacked out.

"You know, you used to be a lot of fun." He told her, squeezing his hands on her hips and backside, drawing her up by the waist onto her knees, before tightening his hand around her throat from behind. She made a gagging and coughing noise and began scratching at his fingers. "See? You used to be fun! You made me beat you 'til you were black and blue. You used to cry and scream... you've lost your touch."

"You've lost yours." She snapped back at him, trying to suck in a breath. He held onto the back of her head, shoving her face into the pillow, his other hand unbuckling his pants.

Tonks couldn't breathe. She couldn't see anything except for the spots swimming on the back of her eyelids. After a while, his hand let go of her head and held onto one of her breasts. She tried so get more air, but she couldn't move her neck the way he was holding her down. He wasn't in any hurry to go to sleep.


	3. IV

The bell on the front door of Flourish of Blotts rang and someone entered.

"Hello!" A man's voice shouted from the back of store, followed by the sound of a collapsing books. Remus appeared with a stack of books in his arms that were stacked past his head. He smiled as he walked over to the register. "How may I help you?"

In the spring time, the book supply slowly began its shift from its winter supply to the standard school books, such as the ones by Miranda Goshawk, which were slowly beginning to appear back onto the shelves.

An older woman turned around to look at him with a smile. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Oh, hello," He simply smiled politely, having no idea who was talking to him. "Are you looking for something in particular?"

"I'm not sure." The woman said vaguely, rubbing the back of her neck. "I was wondering about a particular divination book for my granddaughter's birthday."

"All of our divination books are around the corner there," He pointed. "third table over, the one with the black cloth."

She looked around. "Which one?"

"Here," He quickly scurried around the counter, leading her around a bent corner into a different part of the store, equally filled to the brim with book shelves. Remus took her over to a table with a black starry cloth on it. "I believe these are the ones you're thinking of."

The old woman with glasses took a closer look at his face. She looked over his name badge. "So you're Mr. Lupin?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He smiled in reply.

"Ah, so you're that teacher from Hogwarts?"

"Oh, it's been a decade since I've been there." Remus chuckled nervously. "Now, I spend most my days here."

The woman gave him a skeptical look. "They really let you work here? Today?"

Remus just swallowed the knot in his throat and smiled. "Yes, Ma'am."

The woman kept giving him a dirty look. "Right. Could I speak with your manager?"

"I am the manager, Ma'am." He continued to smile as politely as possible. "Is there something wrong?"

The elderly woman pushed the hard back book back at him with a frown. "I'll be on my way. Thank you for helping me." She said in coarse voice.

Remus watched her exit the store in a flurry of bitterness. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened and he had learned to shrug it off. In fact, at least once a week he encountered a customer who either refused service and left or gave him nasty looks while he rang them up.

The bell on the door rang again. A familiar face strolled through the store.

"Cleverly! What are you doing here, love?" Remus smiled pleasantly.

Cleverly smirked, pressing her finger against his chest as she leaned against it. "Someone forgot their lunch."

"Oh." He nodded. "Did you... bring it?"

"Well, I was sort of thinking the two of us could go out together. What do you say?"

"Are you already clocked out for the hour? Remus asked as he set down the divination book back onto the display.

"They won't miss me if I'm out for too long." She smiled and held out her hand to him. "Come on, we need to talk about some things."

"Give me just a second." Remus replied as he pulled his apron off over his head and made his way into the backroom. "Hey, Ralph? I'm heading out to lunch." A pimply twenty-something with thick curly hair looked up from a book he was flipping through.

"Oh, okay..." He said in a weak voice.

"Just watch the register, alright?" Remus announced, catching up to the woman outside with his hands in his pockets. "Okay, Clary, what do we need to talk about?"

Cleverly folded her hands in front of her lap over her purse. "I think I owe you an apology." Remus stayed quiet as the two of them walked down Diagon Alley. "I... Remus, I've an absolute witch to you. The way I talked about Andromeda wasn't very nice or appropriate and I shouldn't have talked about Dora and Teddy the way that I did." Her apology sounded genuine, but Remus still listened hesitantly without any comments. His gut wretched. "Remus, I know this isn't the best way to say that I'm sorry, but I really, truly am. I was just so frustrated that I became insensitive. It wasn't right. You have every right to grieve how you need to, and I can't take that away from you."

Her partner nodded silently as she waited for a response. "It's okay. Clev, it isn't fair to you. You didn't ask for any of this to happen to you. Nor did I."

"But that doesn't mean you put them behind you or forget them." She urged. "Listen to me, what I said was out of frustration. We take this as slow as you want. I'm sorry. I pushed you too far."

"I know, Clary." Remus replied. He reached over and took her by the hand. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sugar." She smiled, leaning into him.

xxxxx

"Mummy, is the tooth fairy going to come see you?" Teddy asked.

"The tooth fairy doesn't come and see us." His mother told him. Tonight was a full moon. A sinking feeling in her gut told her Greyback had planned their supply day to fall on that night, conveniently after attempting to maim her. She had paused her momentary rushing around to watch herself in the mirror. Her lips were bruised and bloody. One of her teeth next to her front ones was missing. What little magic she could still use did prove to help with some of her wounds, but not enough to regrow teeth or completely fix her broken ribs. Tonks could alleviate some of her pain, but she wondered how disfigured she'd look afterwards.

"Santa Clause does." The boy told her.

"I don't make the rules." She sighed, limping across the room, her hands resting on her stomach. Tonks wanted to lay down on the bed, but she didn't have time.

"That's dumb that she doesn't come here."

"Pixies aren't very smart." His mother said.

"How do you know?"

"You know, my husband used to study magical creatures."

"My daddy?"

"Yep."

"Why?" He asked curiously.

"I guess he finds them fascinating. He used to be a teacher. It wasn't exactly a long lasting thing, but I know it was something he appreciated doing."

"Was he smart?"

"Smarter than me, at least." She chuckled.

"But you're smart."

"Believe me, it's because all the other people here are very stupid." Tonks told him. "Come on, let's brush your teeth."

"Aren't you going to brush your teeth?" Teddy wondered.

"My teeth still hurt." She sighed, squeezing toothpaste onto the little boy's toothbrush and handing it to him. She began counting with him as he brushed his teeth. "One...two...three...four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten. Other side, one... two... three... four... five... six... seven... eight... nine... ten. Now the bottom, one... two... three..."

There was a knock on the door and someone letlet themself in. There was a scraggly looking wizard that looked fairly unclean with an almost insane look in his wide, bulging eyes. He had a grey, untrimmed beard and what hair he had left was greasy. Teddy watched him apprehensively, his toothbrush hanging out of his mouth.

"Please go wait outside." Tonks said calmly. There's still plenty of sunlight. "I'll be ready to apperate in a minute."

"Greyback told me to get you by-" The man grumbled.

"Yes, I know. But I need to put my son to bed first." She told the man firmly without looking at him. "five... six... seven... eight-"

"If you don't hurry up, I'll go get Greyback." He grumbled as he walked back out the door. Tonks painfully picked up the little boy so he could spit in the sink and rinse out his mouth with the bottled water they were rationing out and set him back down on the floor.

Teddy stared nervously at his mother.

"Mummy, last night, you said you weren't going anywhere and you got hurt." He told her in a concerned voice.

"I'm not going to get hurt tonight, Teddy. Tonight is different. We need more food and a few other things. It's my fault for listening to Mister last night."

"What made him want to do that?"

Tonks sighed. "He's just mad at me."

"Why?"

"It's complicated, love."

"What do you mean?"

"He... he's um... like I said, it's complicated."

"What?"

"He just talked about how, um," Tonks dodged him and wiped the water off the counter. "I got into a fight with Mister because he's the kind of person who wants to bite people and turn them into werewolves like him. And we talked about the fact that he... well, he's trying to find new ways to turn people like him."

"Like what?"

"Like... making babies that are werewolves." Tonks sighed and led the boy to his bed. "I'm locking the door up. I'll be back long before you wake up, okay?"

"He's not going to bite me, is he?" Teddy asked, his eyes growing tearfully wide.

"No. And if he is," His mother said in a voice so stern it terrified the boy. "I will kill him. Do you hear me? He'll have to kill me before he bites you."

"Mum..." Teddy groaned, throwing his arms around her. "I don't want you to be dead."

"I'm not going to die." She assured him, smoothing out his hair. "I'm not going to get hurt either."

"No!" The boy pulled away. "You can't leave!"

"Teddy, I'm going to be fine." She told him. "You have to trust me. If you don't, we've not going to have any food or anything to live off of."

"But it's a full moon!"

"I know, that's why I have to hurry. I'll be back in time, okay?"

"I don't trust you." The little boy whined.

"You have to. It's one of our rules, remember?"

"I have to listen." He nodded.

"I love you." His mother said, tucking him into bed. "I'll see you in the morning."

"But-"

"Here, look," Tonks held out her pinky finger to him. "I used to do this with your dad. Wrap your pinky around mine." The little boy hesitantly agreed. She leaned down and kissed their fingers. "There. Now I have to promise that I'll be back in the morning."

Teddy laughed nervously. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I promised! It made you laugh, didn't it? See?" She prompted. "Goodnight, hon."

The man was waiting very impatiently outside. Locking doors was one of her better skills; whispering an enchantment, the door sealed closed, only able to be opened by her. Suddenly, Tonks realized how awful he smelled. She didn't know why she was so surprised. "Okay. I'm ready." She announced, clutching her cloth bags folded up close to her. He coughed rudely, almost on top of her. "Uhm-"

He cleared his throat. "Let's go then. Now that you're finally ready." He grumbled. "And don't think I'm keeping quiet about this."

"What's he going to do? Knock another one of my teeth out?" The two began walking to the apperation point. "My list is short. I know where everything is. You'll wait outside and you'll bring me back here, I'll be back in my bed before the sun even goes down-"

"I ain't one of 'em, if that's what you're asking." He gave a wheezy cough. "They're all out. They're near a small Irish town on the coast."

"Great." She said grimly. "Do you have the money? And my list back?"

"Here," He dug out a wad of muggle money from his pocket with a piece of paper. "I guess you know the drill. No marked out stuff." Her eyes shifted over the paper. Vitamins and pears were marked out in black ink.

She let out a gasp, a tight hand closing around her arm. Apperating always made her sick, but this time she didn't throw up. "Just... wait here." Tonks swallowed and regained her footing. "I'll just be a minute." The strange man shrugged. She hurried around the small variety store, her eyes watching the front door for the sun to disappear.

Teddy was curled up in the corner of their small room, crying and shaking, with his blanket pulled up over his head. The door opened and closed with a loud rushed commotion. He tried to quiet his heavy sobs, his hand pressed tightly against his face. The fearful little boy cowered further into the mattress, whimpering as quiet ad he could.

"Sweetheart?" A kind voice said. "It's Mummy." Her voice sounded exhausted, falling to her knees as she tried to uncover the child from his quilt.

His big brown eyes stared up at her, but he didn't say anything.

"Hi, handsome," She laughed in relief. "I promised, didn't I?"


	4. V

The camp was completely quiet. Everyone was either still out or asleep in their tents and cabins. Tonks honestly had no clue where Fenrir Greyback was, but she had no intention of letting him back in today. Today was too precious for him to intrude.

"The key to making a cake is to mix they dry ingredients, then mix the wet ones, then combine them." She told her son, setting down two bowls on the kitchen table. "So first, we put the flour, baking powder, and salt together."

"Won't the salt make the cake salty?" Teddy asked.

"No." Tonks shook her head.

"Then what's it for?"

"You know, I dunno." She smiled. "But it's definitely important. Can you go grab the butter that's on the counter over there?"

Teddy jumped down from his chair and ran over the grab the stick of butter that she pointed at. "Where do they go?"

"They go in the other bowl with the sugar." She pointed. They had no accurate way to perfectly measure out what went into the cake, and Tonks was going off of her memory of how to make a cake. She hoped it wouldn't come out terrible. Teddy reached up and dropped the stick of butter into the bowl. His mother laughed. "No, you have to unwrap it first." She reached into the sugar and peeled open the butter.

"Oh." He said. "Right."

"Hey, bud, it's okay. You just can't eat paper." His mother explained.

"Then why's there paper anyways?"

"To keep it from spoiling or getting dirty." Tonks told him, mixing it up up. "Okay, so now we add the eggs... do you want to crack them?"

He scrunched up his nose. "Gross."

"Okie dokie." She smiled, breaking the eggs into the bowl and poured the bowls together. "Alright, so now we mix it all up. Here, stir it all up while I get something to put it in."

"How many hours will it have to cook?" Teddy said sadly.

"Oh, it'll probably be only half an hour." She said, digging out some aluminium foil and creating a bowl with it. "I'll show you how to check on it when it's done."

"Can we go on a walk today?"

"We can do whatever you want to do after lunch." Tonks smiled. "I think the fresh air would be nice."

"Can you tell me a story while we wait?" The little boy asked.

"Hang on," She dipped her finger into the bowl and licked it off. "Hmm. I'm going to add some extra sugar. We don't have any vanilla, so I think the sugar should help." She added some sugar and poured the batter into the makeshift bowl.

"Won't the raw eggs make you sick?" Teddy asked.

His mother shrugged. "It's just a little bit of cake batter. So you want a story, huh?"

"Tell me about my daddy!" She didn't reply. "Please?"

"Why do you want to hear so many stories about him?" Tonks asked quietly.

He shrugged. "I want to meet him."

"You can't." There was a still pause. "You know that."

"You're acting weird." Teddy pointed out.

"I'm sorry." She placed the bowl in the oven. "I just... I miss him sometimes, you know? Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned him-"

"No! But I like him!" He begged. "Can you still tell me a story? Please?"

"Okay, fine." She sighed. "What do you want to hear?"

"Mum... you've been telling me all this stuff. You said you lied... you lied about a lot. I want to know more truths. You promised no more lying." The boy scrunched his face up in thought.

"Hmm." Tonks nodded. "Okay, you got me there. I know all this lying is frustrating. I'm sorry. I've had to protect you from all this mess. I know it's hard to understand why we got taken and why we can't leave."

"Can you tell me about the day I was born? Was I here?" The boy asked.

She shook her head. Her eyes were distracted and nostalgic. Teddy thought she might start crying. "No. We were in a house. Not this one. It was the one I grew up in, actually. It was big and bright and yellow and there was a swing on the front porch and two little bedrooms. We couldn't take you to the hospital when you came"

"Who's we?"

"My mum and Remus." She sighed, sitting down a the table.

"Where was your dad?"

"My dad disappeared and I never saw him again." She explained. "He never got to meet you."

"What happened when I was borned?"

"We just sort of had to... make do. It was such a blur, yet I remember it taking forever. I remember pushing and pushing, but you refused to budge. Then I fell asleep for a bit." Tonks laughed lightly. "Your father had to shake me awake. He was in a complete frenzy, said you were already coming out. And then you came, all wrinkly and pink. I knew I loved you with my whole heart the minute I held you for the first time."

"When did we get taken here?"

"You had just turned a month old. It was the middle of the night... I had gotten up to feed you when I heard a noise. I went to wake your father up and... The next thing I knew, this was something over my head. I tried to yell, but I couldn't. All I could think about was not dropping you. The next thing I knew, they dragged me downstairs and..."

"And what?"

"That's how we got to the old camp. Before we moved here." Tonks said.

"Why did we leave?"

"Because they almost found us and took us back home." Tonks said in a low voice.

"Why didn't we let them?" He frowned.

She shook her head. "I know. They made us run away with them."

"Oh." He stared down at the table.

"Hey, I've got a surprise for you." His mother announced, trying to shift the mood. She was digging through the cabinets for a saucepan. "I couldn't wrap it earlier, so I'll give it to you when the cake's done."

"What are you doing?" Teddy asked curiously.

"The cake needs frosting, doesn't it?"

"You know how to make frosting?"

"No... but we're going to pretend that I do." She smiled. "It's just liquid sugar... and I've got you a surprise too, but you've got to wait and see."

"So you have _two_ surprises?" The boy jumped up in his seat.

"Yep." She smirked, pouring some water into a pan and turning the stove on. "And you're going to _love_ them. It took me two trips to get both of them." A knot of guilt churned in her stomach. She tried to shrug it off, but there was still a nagging feeling that she had done something seriously wrong.

"Mister Greyback let you?"

"Yep." She didn't miss a beat, but she didn't look at him either.

"Do I have to say thank you?"

"Nope." His mother flashed him a smile. "You don't owe him a thing. And you always need to remember that, you hear me?"

Teddy thought quizzically for a moment. "Did you have any other babies?" Tonks didn't reply. "Mum?"

"We aren't going to talk about that." She said.

"Did you?"

"Teddy, you heard me. I said we're not talking about this, so don't ask again." Her voice became unnaturally angry. Teddy watched her face, looking for tears to well up in her eyes, but they didn't.

"Mum?"

"We're not talking about this." Was all she said. The cake nearly burned, but that was okay with Teddy. His mother grabbed their only candle that rested beside the bed and lit it with her hand. It was too big to put on a cake, but it worked. When she sat it down in front of the boy, he saw that she had melted dark brown frosting on top of the cake.

"You got me chocolate!" Teddy exclaimed.

"Yeah. I did." Tonks kissed the top of his head.

 _"Happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, Dear Teddy. Happy Birthday to you."_

Cleverly was chewing on the end on her quill, an awful nervous habit of hers. The sunlight in the small kitchen had faded out, leaving only the overhead light to guide her through her writing. She scribbled furiously away at her draft of writing for tomorrow's edition of the Daily Prophet. She was already dressed for bed, but sleep seemed forever away. Footsteps padded down the hallway.

"I'm just staying up a little bit late tonight." She announced.

Remus yawned. "Well you're sure up awfully early then."

She set down her quill and looked down at her watch with a sigh. "It's already midnight? I've got to owl this article in by four."

"Why'd you wait 'til the last minute to get your article in then?" He asked.

"No, I did my column article on hazardous captive hodag breeding. They needed something quick on the werewolf attacks." Cleverly explained, stretching her arms above her head.

"Fascinating." He remarked dryly. "So?"

"So I simply wrote about how it's the wild, feral werewolves that live in caves and such are the ones breaking into houses, killing, biting, and eating people." She tilted her head. "I wrote a personal piece about how normal your life is."

"You didn't ask."

"I didn't use your name."

"People know that we're dating." Remus said, wrapping his arms around her sides from behind. Her own arms snaked around his lovingly. A new, diamond ring rested on her left hand.

"You can read over it if you'd like. It's meant to be a 'day in the life' piece. I just want people to realize what a full moon is like for you. You're not ravenging people's homes. You're throwing up and running a fever, and the last thing you need is constqnt harassment."

"Clev-" He sighed. "It's not that easy to change people's minds."

Remus had a horrifying thought creep into his mind. He often dreamt them, or found himself dwelling on them in the late hours of the night when he lacked the ability to fall asleep. With the second post-war wave of werewolf attacks, he often dreamt about waking up to find his dear Cleverly, mangled and bloody beside him in bed. Or worse, if he throat wasn't slit of ripped apart, hanging by shreads, there would be a single swollen purple bite.

She didn't look sick or hurt. Tired, maybe. She'd be complaining the next morning about the bags under her eyes. He squeezed her tightly. She felt so real in his arms, so alive and well. But he knew what kind of terrible things could happen to her. What was he supposed to do? Wait until his mantelpiece was lined with urns?

"Hey..." She murmured, tilting her head sideways to expose her bare neck. He reached over and kissed her all down her neck. She let out a detached groan, closing her eyes. "I have to finish this."

He pulled back. "I'll leave you alone, just... please... please come to bed soon." His voice faltered.

"What's wrong?" She asked, snapping back to reality. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Not tonight." Remus shook his head. "I'm just worried about you."

"Hey, look, I can take a break." Cleverly coaxed. She pulled herself up to a stand, leaning back against the kitchen table. Her hand slid the papers away from her. "You don't want to be alone, do you? You're afraid-"

He smiled and shut his eyes. "I'm good. I'll see you in bed."

Her mouth creased into a frown. "Or I can hurry up and finish? If you wait, I'll go with you."

"This is foolish."

"No, it's not." She shook her head. "It's all the way on the other end of the house. You don't have to be by yourself. Look, I've got to get this done, but I won't leave you alone here. You know your nightmares-"

"I didn't have a nightmare." Remus defended. "I just came to check on you."

Her lips pressed shut together. He was close enough to her, lingering enough like he was waiting for something to happen, that she fell forward, unceremoniously kissing him on the mouth. His body tensed up, his fingers gently touching her arms. Cleverly pushed herself up onto the table with her legs straddling his waist.

"You have to work-" He coaxed.

"You have to sleep." She shot back. Neither held back. His hand worked its way up her leg underneath her nightgown.


	5. VI

The woods were dark, water from the leaves splashing down onto the ground. Wet leaves crumpled and stuck onto the bottom of Tonks's boots. They were a well-worn gift from a few years back. It was hard to imagine sleeping on the ground, barefoot with a newborn clung to her chest. Greyback caught up to her, his hand gently resting on her shoulder. Her shoulders tensed and his hand crept down her back. "Hey," His voice was soft. "Don't wander too far."

"I'm right here." Tonks shivered, pulling her jacket tightly around her. Tonks had been given a cloth bag to be in charge of. The man's arm was uncomfortably tight around her, and she clung tightly to the strap on the bag. He had to keep a closer eye on her now. "Not like I've got anywhere to be."

 _"Please, listen to me, you don't-" She begged._

 _"What? You think I don't know how to fuckin' read?" His hand was wrapped tightly around a pill bottle. She hadn't stuffed it far enough into the mattress and when he sat down on the bed, the pills within rattled. "You think you can just pull this kind of shit on me? What? Spending the money that I have to go out and get?"_

 _"Oh, what? By working hard, forty hour weeks? No, by robbing people's homes!" Tonks spat._ _The door flew open and Greyback stormed out, Tonks on the backs of his feet. He dumped out the bottle to her horror, little white pills falling onto the ground. His heel dug into them, burying them in the mud to an unsalvageable point._

 _"Listen here, bitch," His hand reached out, grabbing her shirt in his fist. "You don't know how lucky you are, do you? I let you leave. I let you eat three meals a day, let alone of your choice, running water, and a warm bed. And do you know what you do to repay me? Waste my fucking water and spend my goddamn money on bullshit, and calling it vitamins. This is how you treat me?"_

 _She was completely speechless, his hand inching closer to her throat. "I-"_

 _"You can bet your ass you won't be leaving my sight after this. Do you understand?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Yes what?"_

 _"Yes, sir." His fist released her shirt._

 _Good." He growled._

Now, there seemed to be a suspicious air about him. If she didn't know better, she might have called it kindness. Rather, he seemed to have forgiven her. Something in her mind even could have told her he was being protective. He hadn't beat her up yet, had he? He could've grabbed her by the hair and dragged her along, but instead, he was wrapping his arm around her.

Her stomach lurched. Greyback had taken to finding her pills in a manner she had least expected. The worst thing she had gotten out of this was how, upon waking up, all that was left of Teddy's birthday cake was crumbs left out on the table. She thought that this might be what finally killed her, or perhaps that's what would have made him bite Teddy. Her eyes gazed over at him, and his head turned to her. His eyes weren't angry, or as fierce as they were at night when he came to see her. They were plain, almost as if he was a regular human being, and not a murderous beast.

"You're not going to trick me into getting hurt, are you? Because you might as well stop wasting everyone's time, then." Her voice cracked with immediate regret.

"You wanted to come, so I'm letting you." He said softly. "And I forgot the kid's birthday."

"You haven't punished me."

"You got your lesson, no matter how you got it." He remarked. "Besides, I need you now more than ever."

She tried to not sound utterly surprised. "You need me."

"What? Do I look like the kind of person that just raises kids?" Tonks swallowed the knot in her throat. "I've gotta hand it to you though, you're clever for stealing those sweets. And I'm sure I didn't give you enough money for all of those pills."

He was praising me. She thought. "You aren't... angry?"

"Oh, I'm fucking pissed." He said bluntly. "I suppose you've learned your lesson by now. Sure, I could beat you within an inch of your life, but I need you to recover. We've lost too much time. You'd better be glad that you've got a boy that needs you, or I'd be a lot less tolerant of your shit."

 _You're replaceable._ She bit the inside of her cheek. She could feel his wand on the inside of his jacket. If she was swift enough, she could stun him, but now wasn't the time nor the place for that. She knew what happened to the woman who came before her, even if it was a faint memory she had all but tried to suppress. "Just let me know and I'll get the baby shower invites together." She said dryly.

"The what?"

"Nothing." Tonks shook her head.

"Tell me about... the boy... _Teddy_. How is he?" Greyback inquired. Tonks shrugged her shoulders. "Is he still putting on weight?"

"If I say no, are you going to test me?" She asked dryly. "Or have you somehow got more patience for me?"

"You're really pushing on it." He said in an irritated voice. "It's really no wonder you and Lupin didn't last."

"Is it now?" Greyback turned and looked at the other two, a man and a woman, that were following them. Tonks recognized both of them from apperating her to the store, but it's not like they ever said their names. "How much further are we walking?"

"We can go now." He announced. "You know the address." Before she could even turn her head, she could feel herself being sucked into a vacuum. Upon landing, she couldn't help but throw up this time.

"Keep yourself together." Greyback growled. "Please."

"I'm trying." She shot back, wiping the vomit away from her mouth. "You know how that makes me sick." Upon regaining her composure, Tonks tried to take in more than just the dark pavement she was hunched over. They were in a tight alleyway that smelled like wet garbage, barely illuminated by the distant street light. A few cars drove by in the street, but it was too late for many people to be walking down the sidewalk. "What are we doing here?" Tonks whispered.

Greyback drew his wand. "It's the first flat on the right, ground floor." He murmured. "No killing, no biting." The other two werewolves groaned with disappointment like children. "If you can, leave the woman alone. She's a muggle, and we ain't there for her. It's the wizard. He's head editor of the Daily Prophet and he's the one who approved that pro-werewolf article."

"So you're attacking him?" Tonks asked, astonished.

"He made us look like vulnerable little puppies." Greyback snapped. "How do you think that makes us look? How do you think that makes our hard work look?"

"Why don't you go after who wrote it?"

He rolled his eyes. "We've got different a different fight to pick with her."

No one said anything as they crept up the front steps. With a flourish of his wand, Greyback opened their front door. The lights inside were off, and so far, no alarm went off. The woman made a beeline towards the kitchen. Tonks supposed that was the easiest and cheapest way to feed and appease his followers. And besides, it was easier to handle trauma if you drank first, it seemed. She tiptoed behind Greyback through the family's sitting area. It was impossible for her to not to knock into furniture without a light. "Could you make any more noise?" Greyback asked.

"Sorry!" She whispered back. "Do you know if this couple has any children?"

Greyback lifted up a photograph from their mantle. "Looks like it. Two, both grown. Disgusting." Tonks tried to catch a glimpse of the photo, which appeared to have an older couple beside two identical boys a few years younger than her. The picture depicted the boys in some kind of robes, as if they were attending a ceremony. They didn't look like any kind of Hogwarts or Ministry robes, like she had worn when she left school to become an auror.

The unknown retreated with a half-empty bottle of wine, handing it to her. "Too conservative..." He grumbled. Tonks dropped it in her bag.

The four made their way down the hall, Greyback in the lead with Tonks unarmed and tailing up the back. She could hear more than she saw as he led the other two into the last door on the end. She came to a halt. The bright blue light from their wands flooded into the bedroom. Tonks slowly crept backwards towards their kitchen. It suddenly occured to her, how desperate she was to be taking this innocent family's bruised fruit and cottage cheese. As far as her son knew, this was the nicest food to exist on the planet. She felt ungrateful. She could be eating bread and water, yet Greyback cared enough to let her eat whatever she could pay for, even if it was canned potatoes. Had Teddy even ever seen an entire potato before? There was a woman's scream. The sound of sparks and curses rebounded from the other room. She tried not to think about it, but it ate through her brain.

The scuffle ended soon enough. The three werewolves emerged. Greyback sported a long cut across his face. "Remember, whatever you pick up, you have to split with camp." He huffed.

"Are they...?"

"Dead? No. Knocked out. Hopefully they'll come too by morning." Greyback informed her.

Tonks looked around the kitchen. She had come upon a cabinet that sported various potions in it, most of them labeled for healing. She grabbed on of the vials that she had pocketed and went over to Greyback. "Will you let me touch you?"

He looked at her sideways. "What?"

"Your face." She said bluntly. "You're bleeding."

"Then leave it." He growled.

"You'll get an infection." Tonks insisted.

"So?" He shook his head. "Just hurry up and grab what you came to grab so we can leave."

Remus was half awake when he trudged up the steps of Flourish and Blotts. Diagon Alley was sluggish with business at six in the morning, except for the ice cream parlor and the various witches and wizards delivering packages too heavy to The door was already unlocked, indicating that Ralph had already clocked in.

"Good morning!" Remus called, taking his coat off.

"Remus," A man sighed. Behind the counter, Mr. Blotts was standing at the counter with a copy of the Daily Prophet in his hands. Mr. Blotts was the only living owner of Flourish and Blotts, and appeared to be well past the age of passing his brand over to his children. He folded the paper over, his mouth creasing. "We need to talk."

Remus smiled apprehensively and walked over to the counter. "Yes, sir?"

Mr. Blotts glanced down at the newspaper. "Remus, how familiar are you with the recent werewolf attacks that have been occuring?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... how in tune are you with what's been going on?" Blotts wondered.

"I suppose I haven't given it much thought." He shook his head. "Why?"

"Oh, I was just asking because of an article in the Prophet." He shook his head. "Just curious is all."

Remus laughed nervously. "I... might know which one. Is there a problem?"

Blotts paused. "Have you heard about the curfew?"

"Curfew?"

"That's what I thought. Diagon Alley, Knocturn Alley, and Hogsmeade are all having curfew. Even the Leaky Cauldron is closing early. S'pose the Broomsticks was always a better place to catch a drink, but..." He shook his head. "Please don't take this personally, but I think we both know why the sudden curfew."

The thought hit him like a bus. "You think that I'm... that I'm a part of Greyback's pack... Sir, that's not true-"

"Remus, I don't think you are." He looked over his glasses at him. "I think I'd have to be bloody mad to think you were. You're my best manager, actually. But-"

Remus began pleading. "Sir, if I may, this is the longest I've ever kept a job like this, and I actually quite like it here, and-"

"Quiet." The owner said. "Please. I know that this is a difficult time, but I've known for a long time that this was going to happen, and so did you. In the future, I want you to know that your application is welcome here. But now, I know people who are too afraid of walking through those doors because of you, and I'm sorry. I know how selfish this is, and I assure you, you are always welcome here as a friend. I simply cannot have your name on the payroll."

Remus felt like he had been hit in the chest and all the air had escaped his lungs. "I, Sir-"

Blotts waited for him to continue, but there wasn't anything left for him to say. Remus trudged back out into Diagon Alley with his coat, wanting to get as far away from there as possible. It was a surprise to him when he saw Cleverly still lying in bed when he got there.

"Clary? What's wrong, love? You're supposed to be at work." He said.

The woman stirred. "You won't believe what happened."

Remus sat down on the edge of the bed. "What happened?"

"The chief editor, F.D. Hayward? They found him dead this morning." She said. "They rejected my article. The paper's running late this morning."

"Dead? Was he-"

"Murdered." Cleverly said. Her eyes trailed up towards him. "Werewolves."


	6. VII

"Guest bedroom is made, just in case you were wondering." Cleverly announced as she walked past the kitchen with an empty laundry basket on her hip. "I know you mum has that... what is it, the laundry detergent allergy? I made sure to use that kind that she's okay with, so she won't be _completely_ miserable the entire time."

"Completely miserable?" Remus asked, matching and folding socks into a basket at his feet. "Only somewhat will suffice then?"

"What? You think I'm not going to be flooing her to Mungo's the second I show her the ring? She'll lose her mind!"

"Oh come on, Clev." He rolled his eyes.

The woman hid from sight in the laundry room. "Look, all I'm saying is that I think everyone is entitled to their opinions and hard feelings," She reemerged with an armful of pillows and their cases, struggling one by one into the cases. "believe me, I cannot say enough how unproductive it is to sit and debate you moving on. But... I dunno. It hurts to see how rejecting everyone is. If anything, that's what's got _me_ so-"

"Clary, it's fine." Remus said. "Yes, I agree. This is a matter that I feel all if us have taken in an irrational way. There's no need to pick 'sides' or say who's right and who's wrong or... whatever, but the more we talk about this, the worse it gets."

"I know." Cleverly hugged the pillow, eyes fixed on the floor. "I feel like I'll never be as good as Dora."

Remus dropped the pair of socks he was holding and pulled himself up from the table. "Don't say that." He wrapped his arms around her. "You and Dora are different. You're two different personalities under two different circumstances, living two different lives. I married Dora in less than two years and had a baby. It was... impulsive, it was in the height of a war, and it was what we needed then. You're different."

"Different how?"

"Come on now, do you really see us out fighting for our lives? Or living in hiding?" Remus asked.

Her shoulders slumped. "Not yet, no. But I expect that with all the werewolf attacks-"

"You know what?" He interrupted her. "Maybe you're more alike than I thought." Cleverly watched him for an answer. "Hard-headed. And you know what else? Dora was there for me as a sliver of happiness amongst the chaos. And maybe that's what you need."

Cleverly smiled somberly and shook her head. "Just don't go missing on me, okay?"

xxxxx

Teddy was bouncing up and down on his mother's bed. He jumped up and his mother swiftly caught him in her arms, laughing and blowing a raspberry on his neck. "How many times do I have to tell you to not jump on the bed?"

"Mummy!" He whined, throwing his arms around her.

"Come on, you've got to get your shoes on." She coaxed, picking him up and letting him down on the floor. "It's such a lovely day outside. It's so sunny...I don't think we need coats or anything. You look like you could burn some energy, what do you think?"

The little boy smiled. "Yes! Let's go!" He made a run for the door, making his way past his mother and running outside.

"Teddy! Teddy, no!" Tonks turned quickly, grabbing ahold of him under the arms before he made it more than a few steps outside the door. "You're really fast, and if you run away, something bad could happen to you." She explained through gritted teeth as she lifted the boy up by his arms and took him back inside the house.

"What do you mean?" He asked, tilting his head back at her as she teetered him back inside.

"Do you know why we get to live here?" His mother asked curiously. She caught the door and pulled it behind her. "It's because somewhere in Mister Greyback's heart, he was kind enough to give us shelter and food and water. But not everyone here gets that. There are a lot of people who sleep in tents on the hard ground or don't have water that comes straight from their faucets-"

"Where does our water come from?" He cut her off.

"It's lake water with charms on it." Tonks sighed. "But my point is, some people around here don't _have_ those charms on them. Some people don't like us because of that, and that's fine. You can't run outside like that because some people don't like us because of how Greyback treats us. Other people don't like us for no reason. And many people here would want to hurt us for no reason."

Teddy's eyes got big as his mother propped him up on the bed. "What?"

Tonks shook her head and put his shoes on. "Love, many people don't hurt us because Greyback likes us and is protecting us-"

"You said Mister doesn't like us!" He shouted. "You said we don't owe him anything!"

"Shh," She smoothed out his hair. "Listen to me, things are changing and we need all the friends we can get around here. I don't expect you to understand-"

"I'm big now!" He shouted. "I understand!"

"Shh, no you don't." Tonks shook her head, climbing up onto the bed. "I can barely understand what's going on, okay? It's scary, and I'm supposed to be the grown up. Look, things are going to change around here soon."

"Are we moving?" The boy inquired.

She shook her head again, her hands clenching in fists. "Teddy, we have to learn to like Mr. Greyback. He wants to hurt you because he'sbeing selfish."

Teddy stared at her in horror. "I don't want him to like me! I don't want him to hurt me!"

Tonks had to grab him by the shoulders to steady him as he began to cry. "Teddy, if he doesn't hurt you, he will _kill you._ He'll kill both of us. And I'm doing everything that I can do to keep either of those things from happening, or hold them off as long as I can, but I'm just as scared as you are."

"You have to stop him!" He cried.

"I'm trying my best." She said, beginning to choke up. "Teddy... I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. And... and I'm doing everything I can to stop him. He's... Please don't get scared, but he's hurting me real bad right now, and it's not because of you, but it's because I'm okay with that. He's got to hurt me to keep you safe, so you can't go and get mad at him. God, I shouldn't even be telling you this-"

"Is he going to _kill you?"_ Teddy gasped.

She shook her head. "I... No. I'm doing all this so he won't kill us."

"All what?"

His mother didn't respond at first. "Sweetheart, I think you ought to know what's going on. Mister Greyback is um... well, we sort of came to this arrangement... he can't exactly hurt me... or you if I can help it... if... if I have another baby."

He stared up at her. "But I don't want you to have another baby... I don't want a brother or sister!" Teddy quickly buried his face in her shirt. "You don't need a baby! You have me!"

"Teddy, that's _why we're here."_ She explained as gently as she could. "Greyback is either going to bite you or make a new baby that he can bite. And I'm not going to let you get hurt like that." Tonks brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead over and over. "Teddy, I need you to be as brave as you can and I'll be as brave as I can, and I'll keep you safe. I promise." The boy let out a sob, crawling into his mother's lap. "Shh, shh, shh..."

"What's he going to do? Is he going to make us wolves like him? Or... why would he hurt a baby?" He whimpered. "Why is he going to do that?"

"I told you, I'm going to make sure he doesn't do that, okay?" Tonks said softly. She could feel her ownown eyes watering up with tears. "I'm going to stop him from biting you. I won't let him. Shh... I shouldn't have even said anything. God, what was I thinking..."

"But-"

"Hey, look," Tonks cut in. "Greyback knows what he's doing. We might not, but we're going to trust him. He wants to have a baby and we're not going to question him. Besides, you know how I told you that you remind me of your father? That's because kids get traits--like... features... like your nose or you ears or how you talk--and that's why Greyback wants his own baby. So they can be a werewolf like him."

"Mummy..." He cried, holding on tighter to her.

"I know, honey. Things are just going to be... different from now on." She reassured, tapping the bottom of his chin. "Look at me, I love you. I love you more than anything in the world and you're always going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Nothing's ever going to change that. We just... we're going to have to learn to stiff up our lips and get through this."

"What does that mean?"

"It means we have to toughen up is all. Push past all the bad stuff, you know?" Tonks nuzzled him and kissed the top of his head. "We're not going to live here forever. I promise."

"And then we'll move far away and never have to see Mister Greyback again?" He mumbled.

"Never, never, never again. We're going to get as far away from here as we can one day." She explained. "We'll live in a big house with several rooms and your father will be there. Maybe we'll even get a dog or a cat or a fish, I dunno, but we'll get something. And you'll have your own bed!"

The boy shook his head. "I don't want my own bed."

"Why not?"

"What if I get taken?"

Tonks shook her own head. "That's the amazing part. No one's ever going to take us again. We can go places on our own terms. We won't have to hide all the time."

"But if you have a baby-"

"Teddy, it's not like that. It wouldn't be like a _real_ brother or sister, because it's not _your_ father's. It's like... it would be like taking care of someone else's baby." The little boy stared down at her lap. "It's not... there's no baby in there _right now._ Not yet... not... that I know of."

"How's it going to get in there?"

"Teddy, I've already told you how. It's magic."

"Oh yeah." He nodded. "But I thought you said the magic only works if there's a Mum and a Dad that really love each other. Does that mean you love-"

"Well..." Her eyes shifted uncomfortably. "Sometimes... they don't have to. Like now, I guess?"

Teddy paused to think. "Did you love my dad?"

This made his mother laugh. "Still do, kid." She jumped up and held her hands out to the boy. "Come on, are we still going for that walk?"


	7. VIII

**AN: SERIOUSLY. IF YOU ARE AFFECTED BY A MEN TE AL ILLNESS THAT IS EASILY TRIGGERED OR ARE VULNERABLE TO GRAPHIC CONTENT, THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR YOU. SERIOUSLY, THE ENDING TO THIS CHAPTER IS VERY DARK AND GRAPHIC AND THERE IS BLOOD. SURELY TO GOD, IF THINGS LIKE SUICIDE, ABUSE, OR RAPE UPSET YOU, YOU WOULD NOT BE READING THIS STORY, BUT IF YOU ARE, YOU NEED TO STOP NOW.**

Faint music hummed from the speakers inside the store. Tonks crossed her arms, turning around to look behind her. The man that had brought her here was just outside the door, lighting a cigarette that hanging outside of his mouth. Her eyes passed by the cashier, but the man didn't say anything. Something felt terribly wrong. She held her head down and walked past him.

She thought it had to do with the full moon putting her on edge, a knot creating a pit in her stomach. These weren't just regular stomach cramps, either. It was a knot filled with dispair and anticipation for terror. Teddy was feeling sick and was crying when she left. Tonks had considered sparing some change for some medicine, but part of her was convinced that he was just so nervous, he was making himself feel unwell. Greyback hadn't left to change yet, but she could even tell that the moon had been making him act odd. Or it had until he found her preparing to leave. She was dragging her feet to get out of the house, hoping he'd change before she went to get groceries and settle her mind. He seemed to close for comfort, especially around Teddy, and was overly chipper.

Now Tonks was walking as quickly as she could through the store. She was both fixated on her list and trying to ignore it as best as she could, refusing to make more than one round trip around the store while trying to get what she could to hold off herself and Teddy until the next month. Her brain seemed to become a panicked fog, her heart rushing. Tonks stopped for a moment in one of the aisles, placing her hand on her chest, and closing her eyes. Something felt very, very wrong.

"Ma'am?" The squeaky employee's voice peeped. He couldn't have been more than twenty, having bright red pimples on his cheeks and braces on his teeth.

"Yes, can I help you?" Tonks replied, putting up a smile.

"My, um... my boss wanted to talk to you." The boy told her, pointing his thumb behind him.

Tonks froze up for a second. She was obscured from the front window by the row of cigarette cartons behind the counter. She tried to catch a glance between the neon "Open" sign and the metal rack to see if she could make out her keeper's figure but to no luck. "Can it be quick?" She asked hesitantly as she stepped up to the counter, head still turned to the door.

The manager was a much more intimidating man, with big arms, sharp eyes, and a bushy mustache. "Ma'am, I need to inform you that we routinely check of CCTV footage. You've been spotted routinely shoplifting."

Her heart began pounding. She instinctively dropped the basket that was on her arm, her hands raising defensively. This was the first time in five years that anyone was staring into her in such confrontation. This was the first time in five years that anyone had spoken more to her other than asking her about her day. Tonks kept staring over at the door, her mouth hanging open, unsure of what to do.

The man walked around the counter, his arm on the counter. He stood over her, his chest held high in front of him. "We don't want trouble, but if you run, we'll be getting the proper law enforcement to come take care of you." He told her.

"Please... you don't understand..." Tonks's eyes filled up with anxious tears. "What do you want from me? I'll... I can..."

He held up an envelope. "I've figured up the cost to replace the merchandise. If you can't pay now, we'll have to ask you to leave and not return to the store."

"I-" She shook her head. "I don't know what to tell you."

"And we understand that, but this isn't something we can let go of." The man told her. "We can take your name and address and mail you the bill, but you won't be able to come here anymore."

"I don't have any extra money. I-I have to get food for my son, he's alone and I have to get back to him as soon as possible-" Tonks told him. "I don't have, um... an address."

"What?" He leaned over to try and hear her better.

"I can't give you my address." She told him. "Or my name."

He looked very confused. "Excuse me?"

"I can't give you my name or address." She said. "I can't do anything."

"Why not?" He asked in a disturbed voice. She didn't respond. "Is something wrong, ma'am?"

"I can't..." She stumbled backwards with wide eyes. Tonks could feel fear beginning to paralyze her. "I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. I'll get in trouble, I-"

"Are you okay?" He asked, visibly confused.

Tonks's hand brushed over her neck. She had forgotten about the new blotchy red marks around her neck that pared with the fading yellow marks. "I'm-I'm sorry for wasting your time- I don't know what I can do to make this up to you." She shook her head.

"What happened to you?" The man cocked his head. "Do we need to call the police?"

"No." Tonks shook her head again. She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw all of her money at him and beg him to call the police. She wanted to shout her name at him and demand he tell as many people as he knew who she was, in hopes just one would be a wizard. "I have to come by once a month. Couldn't I give you whatever I have left tonight and make regular payments?"

The manager pursed his lips in thought. "I've see you often enough, I think I'll trust your word over a book and some sweets."

"I'm sorry." She murmured as she checked out, barely scraping up change to pay off her bill, even after discarding over a quarter of her list. "I'm sorry..."

Tears followed her outside into the darkness. She wasn't susure if she was more of less surprised to find her entourage to have completely left her there. She had no way to leave, no where to go, and no way to get to Teddy. She couldn't breathe, nor see, hiccuping with harder tears. "No... this can't be happening..." Tonks fell down on the park bench outside, rocking back and forth with tears. A few stray customers came by, but none stopped to ask her what was wrong. They simply avoided her eye and kept walking. To they, she was sure she looked like some crazy homeless freak.

"Ma'am?" A familiar voice asked. Tonks had long stopped crying, her head resting in her hands, eyes feigning sleep. When she looked up, she saw the younger store employee standing in front of her in street clothes. "We, er, we can't let you stay here." He frowned.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... just waiting for my ride." Tonks told him.

"I mean, are they on their way?" He asked. "Can you call them?"

"No phones." Tonks said simply. "I can't get back on my own."

"Do you want me to call you a ride?"

"He'll... be here soon." She shook her head, rubbing her sore eyes. "I haven't got a penny to my name at the moment, I'm afraid." He didn't say anything in reply, but she could hear him go to his car, start up, and leave.

Tonks finally had to get up when the store closed for the night, wandering just a bit down the road to a park. Her body was completely exhausted and she knew she had little other choice than to curl up on the bench and let herself fall asleep, no matter how humiliated she knew she would feel once she saw the sun peak. Dawn came faster than she wished, hardly allowing her to drift off into a worth-while sleep. Somewhere, she had a dream about Teddy. He was somewhere with lots of green, petting an elephant. He did always quite like those.

"Get up. Now." A voice demanded. Tonks yawned and tried to pull herself to. The sun wasn't all the way up but it appeared to be up enough for Greyback to be greeting her in human flesh. He was shirtless except for his open robes, dried blood spilled down his front and matted into his chest hair. "What the hell did you think you were pulling, huh?" Tonks didn't know what he was talking about nor was she awake to care. His hand came down as a hard slap across her face. "Where's the _fucking_ food?"

Her eyes seemed fixated on nothing. "I suppose someone else needed it more." She let him drag her back to camp. People were eerily quiet and she could sense heads peeking out from small sheds, lean-tos, and tents locking onto them. People didn't speak to each other as Greyback escorted her home.

Tonks's gut feeling returned. Cramps through her stomach, back, and legs had ailed her for two days now, but this was pure adrenaline. _This isn't real._ _This isn't happening._ There _wasn't_ dried blood splashed onto the wooden floor. The furniture _wasn't_ in disarray. The bookcase _hadn't_ fallen over onto Teddy's bed. Teddy _wasn't_ sprawled out on her bed, blue animal print pajamas disheaveled and torn, with a bed sheet wrapping up his arm.

Her ears were ringing and throbbing, she could only feel the rawness of her screams and tears. Teddy was pale, almost blue. Tonks carefully unwrapped his arm from the blanket to find her biggest fear revealed. A big red gash took up most of his right forearm, accented with a purple bruise. She could even count all of the tiny teeth marks in it.

No matter how hard Tonks tried, she couldn't warm up the bath water. The day had felt like a nightmare she couldn't escape. Teddy refused to awaken from his sleep despite lacking death. Any sense of lukewarmness in the tub had washed out long ago, taking any hopes of easing her mind with it. She knew she could probably boil water on the stove, but at least it wasn't completely freezing her skin. The floor had already splintered and warped where Teddy had mistakenly let the tub overflow. Tonks shivered, cupping water in her hand and pouring it down her arms. Little bumps pricked over her skin, setting her hairs on edge.

She scooted herself forward, her knees pulled up to her chest, took a deep breath, pinched her nose, and dipped herself backwards under the water. It was cold rushing over her face, stopping up her ears with emptiness. It felt for a moment as if time itself stopped as she was just being suspended in the water. Bubbles are bounced up to the surface from her lungs. Tonks wondered how long she could hold herself there without breathing. Tightness slowly invaded her chest until she could no longer hold her breath, so she held it for a moment longer before dragging herself back up above the surface, gasping for breath. Wet hair clung to her face and she shivered again.

 _Her body was squeezed in between the doorframe, one foot outside the door. "Greyback now is not a good time-" She pleaded._

 _His eyes narrowed as they scanned over her body. "What have you done?"_

 _"What do you mean-" He grabbed a fistful of her shirt and sent her stumbling backwards. "Greyback, please, not right now."_

 _"You smell like blood." He stared right through her. "You did it again, you bitch." She opened her mouth to say something before his hand closed around her mouth._ _She groaned, her eyebrows knitting together as he pushed her backwards._

 _She didn't fight him, but her fingers calmly tried to pry his hand off. "Listen to me, I didn't do anything, I don't know what happened-"_

 _"Like hell you don't." He gritted his teeth at her. His hand tightened around her neck_

 _"What do you want me to do?" Tonks was tired of fighting. He had been unusually kind to her until tonight, and if he was going to beat her, she was going to let him. It wasn't worth any of her bones tonight._

Tonks wasn't allowed to have any particularly sharp objects (for obvious threatening reasons despite Greyback's ability to use magic and her inability to). She had knives to cut things with, but they were hardly sharp enough to prick her finger on. Stabbing someone would be out of the question, but carving into skin seemed more feasible. It would be painful tracing with the tip of the knife, scratching over and over the same spots to draw out blood. Not deadly, but agonizing and torturous.

Before the war, Tonks vividly remembered a conversation she had had at the dinner table with Remus before they had gotten married. She had expressed her interest in magical tattoos after he had been complaining of how bad a particular scar looked. She had assured him that they added character to him, but if he had so wanted, she would volunteer for a set of couple's matching tattoos to help him cope. He politely declined after his face turned bright red.

Tonks was amazed at how little blood trickled out from her own skin. She brought her arm closer to her face, curiously examining it. The cold water only stung and made it run twice as much. She was almost embarrassed of her uneven handwriting and wonky lines. The "y" was too long, racing down the side of her arm and neither of the "d"'s were straight or even.

 _teddy_


	8. IX

Tonks quickly figured out that a common side effect of a large dose of adult allergy medicine was enough sedation to keep Teddy in an almost perpetual asleep. She propped him up in her bed using all of their pillows, constantly fussing over the blanket and regularly changing out the wet washcloth on his forehead or giving him a sponge bath. The boy's arm was certainly broken. The bite around it was swollen and purple, and the teeth marks had become an infected scabbed green colour. She had to use sticks and strips of cloth to create a splint, using a towel as a sling.

Tonks had also taken up the liberty of barricading the door up, not that there were any visitors at all. She had tried her best to put herself in survival mode; the food that she was always comfortably in abundance of had suddenly shown to barely be enough. The water was cut again, but not before Tonks took it upon herself to fill every available container with as much as she could. The curtains were pulled completely and the candles were being using more frequently.

The allergy medicine was expired and running short. Tonks watched as her son thrashed terribly in his sleep. "Mummy..."

"Hey, shh shh shh," Tonks hurried over to him, holding a cool cloth to his bright red face. "I know, baby, it hurts a lot..."

"I want my mummy..." He cried. His body twisted around in the bed. He tried to grab his arm when she stopped him.

"Mummy's right here! I'm right here!" She assured. Tonks pulled him into her arms, kissing his head over and over. "I know you're hurting... maybe you can take something for it if you eat something first, okay?"

"You said he wouldn't bite me..." the boy cut his eyes furiously at her. "You said you wouldn't let him!"

"I know. I said I would." She began choking up on tears.

"You said no more lying!" He tried to shout at her, but his throat was too sore for him to raise his voice.

"I know I did!" She raised her own voice. "I've been doing everything I can to keep him happy! I've been doing everything I could to keep you safe and he... he did it anyways."

 _"You didn't stop him!"_ His head was buried somewhere between her arms and her chest.

"Sweetheart, I couldn't!" She cried. Her arms were beginning to suffocate him. She didn't dare to let him go. "He left me alone... I was outside in the middle of nowhere for the entire night! I came as soon as I could." The boy didn't reply. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

He let out a whimper. "My arm..."

"Oh!" She let go of him, kissing his head. "I'm sorry. I know, it's broken. Don't move it too much."

"Can you fix it?" Teddy asked desperately.

His mother shook her head. "It's going to get better. I'm so sorry." She gave him a final kiss before standing. "Lie down. I'm going to fix you some food. Here," Tonks readjusted the cloth on his forehead. "Relax, okay?"

"Why is the bookshelf moved?" Teddy whimpered, his head turned to look at the door.

"I put stuff in front of the door to keep Greyback out." She replied. She was digging a fork into a can of sliced potatoes.

Teddy began crying again. "Why would he bite me?"

"Because he's _evil,_ Teddy." Tonks shot back, not looking over at him. "He wants to suck all of the hope out of the world and fill it with misery."

"Am I... am I a werewolf now?" He asked sheepishly.

Tonks didn't answer immediately. "Yeah." She let out a sigh. "I guess you are."

"Just like Mister Greyback?"

"No." Tonks shook her head. "Just like your father, Remus."

"He was a werewolf?"

"Is. He was bitten when he was about your age." She explained, her hands hovering over a bowl. "By Greyback, actually. Your father... he's a sort of... _good werewolf._ He's not bad like Greyback. He didn't- _doesn't_ -bite people and he has to take a special medicine to keep from being bad."

"Do _I_ have to take special medicine?"

"You will, eventually." His mother said simply. "Once I figure out how I'm going to get us the hell out of here."

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"I dunno exactly," She replied. "Maybe we'll go live in that pretty yellow house I told you about? With Grandma? Maybe your father's still living in our first house that we got. Or maybe he'll want us to get a new house."

"Will I have my own bed?" Teddy asked.

"You'll have your own room. The house will be so big... it'll be like walking out a door and ending up in a new house like this one." She explained. "It makes more sense if you see it."

Teddy looked around. "And Mister Greyback won't be there?"

Tonks smiled and shook her head. "That's the most wonderful part. We'll never see him again."

"Will he... miss us?"

"No, he'll just go and find himself a new family."

"Oh." Teddy replied. He clutched his arm and whimpered. "Mummy?"

"I know, honey," She cooed, handing him a bowl. "I'm going to get you medicine as soon as I can, okay? Here, I know it's not the best soup, but it's warm and I'm sure it tastes fine."

Teddy shook his head, still holding his arm against his chest. "No, thank you."

"Here," His mother helped the spoon into his mouth. She smiled and kissed the top of his head. "I love you. And we're going to make it out of here, okay?"

The little boy nodded. "Okie dokie."

"Okie dokie." Tonks smiled, nuzzling him with her cheek. "I love you so much."

Teddy paused and let his mother feed him more of the soup. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"So you never forget." She explained.

xxxxx

"Here, you look like you could use this." Cleverly said, setting a mug of tea down in front of Remus.

"Thank you, love." The man nodded.

She kissed him on the cheek. "You ought to talk to him." She said, caressing his cheek.

"Yeah," He sighed, rubbing his forehead, pulling himself up from his seat. The woman rubbed her hand over his back. "We'll see how that goes."

"You'll be fine." Cleverly assured. "Please? Can you do this not just for you, but for me?"

He nodded, picking up his tea. "I'm sorry." Remus sighed. "This is absolutely ridiculous and we shouldn't have to do this." He sighed.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?" Cleverly said. "I just... I don't understand why they're acting like this. Didn't they know about me to begin with?"

He shook his head disdainfully. "This is why we don't invite him over. They always does this. It's such a nightmare! It's like we haven't been together for what? Almost two years now?"

"Hey, shh," Cleverly coaxed. "There's no need to raise your voice, just take a breath and go talk to them."

Remus took a deep breath. "Okay." He took his time walking by himself up the stairs, trying to muster up his courage. He knocked on the guest bedroom door.

"Come in," A woman's voice chimed. He cracked the door open to see his mother folding clothes into her suitcase. She smiled. "Hello, dear."

"Hey, Mum," The woman didn't quite look old, her face was hardly beginning to wrinkle around her eyes. Hope had aged quite gracefully, keeping her long hair, now streaked with grey, and still smelled like her old lavender perfume. "Where's Dad?"

"In the bathroom. Did you need something?" She asked.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "It's alright. I just need to talk to him."

"Is something wrong?" Hope asked.

"Yeah," He sighed again. Her eyes cut over at him. "I'm sorry."

"The two of you are fighting, aren't you? What's it about?"

"It's about Clary." He confessed uncomfortably. "He's... he's not very enthusiastic about... about the engagement."

Her lips pursed. "Yes, he's mentioned that." There was a pause where she waited for him to respond. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know? I guess... I guess I'm going to confront him and make him talk to me about it."

His mother nodded. "I hope you have luck with him."

He stood there in thought. "What do you think?"

"What? About your father?"

"No, about Cleverly." Remus pried.

Hope continued to fold laundry, and without looking up, replied, "I think she's a lovely young woman."

Remus was beginning to become irritated. "So you didn't like Dora and now you don't like Cleverly, is that how this works? Am I just not supposed to-"

"Dora was a lovely young woman as well." Hope said, her eyes staring at the floor.

He was completely dumbfounded. "You're saying that because she's dead."

Hope's eyes drifted up to her son's. "I didn't have the chance to even know Dora, but I know what she meant to you. I saw a change in you after the two of you came together. And I've yet to see you change with Cleverly, in all the time you've known each other."

"A _change?_ We didn't talk for three solid months because of me _'changing'!"_ His voice was beginning to raise again.

Hope winced. _"You_ were the one who made the choice to stay with us. I'm just telling you the thoughts that you wanted to hear. When you were with us for those months, I saw you act in a way that I've never seen you act before, and I knew you wanted to go back to her. But _you_ didn't listen to me." She stepped towards him, her finger pointed at his chest. "Your father and I both believed that you cared about her. We were the ones who saw how lonesome you became."

"What?" Remus gave a sarcastic laugh. "Would you like me to invent time travel and go back and save her? Would you like me to... I dunno, replicate her? Bring her back from the dead?"

"I'm saying that I'm disappointed in you." Hope declared.

"For _what? Moving on?"_

"For abandoning her."

"My god, mother, that was almost _six years ago and-"_

"That's not what I meant." She snapped.

"Are you trying to say that Cleverly is somehow 'not my type' or something?" Remus demanded. "I think I can sort that out for myself, but thank you."

"She made you so happy, Remus. She and Teddy both. It's like something's died inside of you, too. You aren't happy; you just seem to be." He didn't reply.

"Remus?" Lyall was standing in the doorway of the bedroom. "Is everything alright?"

Remus took a deep breath, a tight knot holding onto his chest. "Dad, I think you and Mum need to leave a couple days early."

Lyall stared at him in confusion. "What? What's wrong?"

"Cleverly and I decided that it mimight be best if you did." Remus informed him.

"Cleverly did? What's happened?" The other man pressed. "Remus, what the hell-"

"I'm sorry." Remus cut him off. "I'm sorry." He impatiently backed out of the room and left his parents standing there. Neither Lyall nor Hope followed him out. Cleverly was standing nervously at the bottom of the stairs.

"Remus, love? What's going on?" She asked, her voice cracking. He brushed her off and kept making his way through the kitchen.


	9. X

Teddy had been awake for a while, staring at the sheets on his mother's bed, seemingly fixated on a particular worn out hole. He was cradled in his sleeping mother's arms. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep, but with the curtains pulled, the room was full of light. The boy groaned, turning on his side to face his mother, burying his face in her chest.

"Mummy..." He loudly whispered. She didn't move. Something felt very wrong. Her skin was pale-purple, even-and she refused to move. He grabbed her arm, which was limp, and tried to shake her awake. "Mummy?" Teddy asked. He jerked her shoulder to get her to wake up, but she wouldn't budge. Her entire body was limp and she fell over flat on her back on the bed. Teddy studied her face for expression, continuing to shake her. "Mum!"

The room was dark and Teddy was hysterical. He turned to his mother, who was breathing quietly next to him. The boy grabbed her arm and pulled at her, shaking her awake. "Mum?"

"Teddy?" She groaned, pulling herself awake. "Teddy, what's wrong?"

"I-" He didn't know how to explain that he had wet himself from a nightmare. But even in the middle of the night, she picked him up, changed his clothes and his bandage and the sheets on the bed and tucked him back in. The boy laid on her chest, listening to her heartbeat.

"Try and get some sleep, okay?" She encouraged, kissing his head. She didn't ask questions or yell at him. She snuggled right back up to him, and he was thankful for that. He drifted back to a dreamless sleep, mesmerized by the sound of her soft snoring and pounding heart.

Tonks was far from grateful for the unnaturally cool winter day in the middle of spring, because of course there was, on the very day she finally decided to come out of hibernation. She looked up at the sky. The clouds were a shelf of white above her head.

She shoved her hands in the pockets of her coat. This had to be a bad omen, if only she had paid more attention in Divination. Of course, she wasn't sure if her situation even qualified for bad omens, or if it was all a single omen for death. She hoped it was at least her own.

No, the bad omen wasn't the unnatural cold. The sign from whatever heavenly being that was watching over her was the crying baby in camp. She could tell it wasn't that old, and it didn't sound that healthy. She knew she needed to tread lightly between the makeshift shelters of the camp to find out what was going on.

Finally, the crying child was loud enough that Tonks could pinpoint which tent it was coming from. She flipped the side of the tent open to see a woman sitting on the ground, cradling a newborn in a blanket. She stared at Tonks with wide, terrified eyes. "I'm so sorry, I know she's keeping everyone up, I-" Tonks pressed her finger to her mouth. The woman stared, speechless, continuing to rock the baby.

"I need to know your name." Tonks said. "Your name, when you got here, and who fathered that baby. And I need to know if you're a witch."

The woman shook her head in shock, unsure of what to say. She was probably not much older than Tonks, with red hair that had become dirty and frizzy. Her face and neck showed signs of a beating. She had a thick accent that Tonks couldn't quite pinpoint. "My name is Alexandra, I-I just got here, I don't know how long, a few weeks? My husband, Stefan-"

Tonks stopped her again. "Is your husband a werewolf? Are you a witch?"

"How did you know-"

She crouched down in the tent. "You're in danger."

"I noticed." The woman named Alexandra said.

"Has your daughter been bitten?"

"No? My husband is a werewolf, but he would never-"

"Okay, I need you to listen to me. God, this is exactly as bad as I thought..." Tonks said. "You have no idea what's going on or how big this is. But because _you're_ here, _my_ life and my _son's_ life is in danger."

"What are you going to do to us?" The woman pleaded.

"I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Not me. Just... this is hard to explain."

"What are you _talking_ about? Who _are_ you?"

Tonks made direct, unblinking eye contact. "My name is Nymphadora Lupin and I have a son named Teddy. I need you to remember this. _Teddy Lupin._ Last name sounds like... like... I dunno, loop-in. Like if you were tying shoelaces or something. Remember it. _Teddy Lupin._ _We have to get out of here,_ do you understand?"

"What are you-"

"I've been here for _five years_. _Lupin._ Remember this. When I got here, I was just like you. I had a newborn baby once, too. I wasn't as compliant and Greyback would beat the _shit_ out of me. He's... he's... He's been trying to get me pregnant and I've been taking pills to prevent that and now, he's angry and I know he's trying to replace me. He did that to a woman before me." Tonks grabbed the woman firmly by the shoulders. "What is my son's name?"

"Uh, what? I'm-"

 _"Teddy Lupin._ You have to remember that. If you get out and I get killed, you have to report it." She demanded.

"Why are you telling me this?" The woman was now crying. "He's going to _kill_ us? _Rape us?_ _What the hell is going on?"_

"Shh, shh, shh. If I try to run away, he will _kill_ me. Not you." Tonks said. "You've been listening to his orders, though, haven't you? That's why you're bones aren't broken and you can still talk. When I got here, I could hardly move. You don't fight back. And I need you to trust me."

"Why should I trust you?" The woman cried. "You're telling me to let him hurt me? My daughter?"

"Your baby, she's hungry, right?" Tonks coaxed.

"I've tried feeding her, but it's like I'm dried up or something." She explained.

"Just listen to me. I can figure out how to feed her. But you have to trust me. He's going to kill me soon, and possibly my son, and if he does, I need you to remember our names. _Lupin._ If you get out, and I'm dead, you have to tell people that he killed me. _Lupin."_

"Lupin." She nodded. finally regaining her composure. "Lupin. Okay, I can remember that."

"I can't get you formula right _now,_ and I can't nurse either, but I can help you make do until then." Tonks said. "I have a house. You can stay there. But one of us has to get out of here, do you understand me?"

"Why are you doing this?" She pleaded.

"Do you remember the name I gave you?"

"Teddy Lupin! Why are you doing this?!"

Tonks paused and lowered her voice. "Because when I got here, I was in your exact shoes. And there was a woman with her own son, and she never spoke to me or gave me her name and she was killed because she couldn't have a child. _Greyback killed her._ I'm in her shoes and you're in mine. But one of us is getting out of here. I can't let this happen."

"And what if you get out? What am I supposed to do?"

"I'll come back for you. For you and our children and I'll bring help. Or you will." Tonks explained. "But I have no clue how to do that yet."

"He's going to kill you because of _me?"_

"He's going to kill me, and you're the replacement me."

Alexandra clasped her hand to her chest. "Oh my god... he's going to... _no..."_

"Trust me, okay?" Tonks said. "Hand me you're daughter. I can take her inside. It will at least be warmer near the fire. I can bring you with me soon."

"Why should I trust you?" The other woman whimpered.

"Who else are you going to trust here? You have to listen to me if you want to live and have a better future for your child." Tonks swallowed hard. "I'm... I'm working on getting out with my son, and I'm not going to leave another woman hanging. I was in your shoes once and it's not happening again. He can't hurt anyone else."

"Please, take me with you. If you can keep me away from these-these-"

"I'm not safer there than I am here." Tonks glanced over her shoulder. "And I have to get back to my son as soon as possible. I'm so sorry to keep you in the dark like this." Tonks was backing out of the tent with the baby in her arms.

"Wait! How can I find you?"

"I will find you." Tonks replied. "I have to think first, but I know we don't have a lot of time."

The other woman nodded solemnly. The last thing Tonks heard before leaving was, "Her name is Isobel, too!"

Having two babies to take care of immediately showed to be a bad idea. Milk was not supposed to be given to babies, but absolutely desperate times caused for absolutely desperate measures. Tonks tried mixing sugar water into it to help and the baby-Isobel, as her mother had called her-drank it fine. They were probably both severely dehydrated. She tried to think back to the woman who had been killed before her. She hadn't uttered a word to her, yet she saved Teddy's life when she couldn't feed him. Tonks felt guilty that she couldn't care for this other stranger's child in the same way, yet she was glad that Alexandra wasn't as hurt as she had once been.

It was hard to tell, but Tonks swore she could feel the door of mortality closing in on her. Any second now, Greyback could storm in and kill her. Worst of all, she wasn't completely certain if he would spare Teddy or not. For a second, she actually wondered if death would be more comforting to her son than being raised by a psychopath to be just like him. The baby eventually stopped crying but it was too late.

"Mummy? Why do you have a baby?" Teddy sleepily asked.

"Her name is Isobel. We're taking care of her for now." Tonks said. Teddy stumbled over and she let him get a good look. "Her Mummy, Alexandria's going to come live with us for a bit."

"Why?" He looked around. "Are we getting more beds?"

"We'll figure it out." Tonks assured him. "It won't be for long. Promise. She doesn't have a home and she can't feed her baby, so I'm trying to feed her some milk and sugar water."

"Can't you give her real food?"

"She's not big enough yet." Tonks said. "She has to drink milk."

"Oh." Teddy yawned. "I'm hungry."

"Cereal okay?" His mother offered. The boy nonchalantly shrugged and went to make himself a bowl of cereal. Of course his mother was being stingy with the food again. "We're going hiking."

"What's hiking?" Teddy asked.

"Like a... day long walk. I'm trying to decide when to go. One day we're going hiking and Alexandra and Isobel can stay here while we're gone. Sound good to you?"

"Will they steal our stuff?"

"No, our stuff is fine, Teddy. None of the stuff here really matters anyways." Tonks replied.

That night, Isobel slept in a makeshift crib on the couch with protective pillow bedding. Teddy had to return to his own bed tonight and was already sound asleep. Tonks worried that the food rationing was what made him so tired. She didn't want him looking like skin and bones like her, though. Greyback let himself in the door. At first, Tonks was worried he'd be wielding a weapon. He was silent, helping himself to their food, but he didn't seem angry of violent.

"I see you met the new girl." He remarked.

"I guess we're like... sister-wives now or something?" Tonks tried to joke.

"A what?" Greyback asked.

She shook her head. "Forget it."

He nodded towards Isobel. "I ain't mad as long as you got that bloody beast to shut up."

"She's just hungry." Tonks shrugged. Adrenaline pumped through her, her mind flipping through all of her options. One included fleeing. Another included stabbing him, while yet another she wanted to bash his brains out. Or suffocate him. Or just hit him between the eyes as hard a s she could. She felt violent fury building up in her chest, but she knew she had to swallow it back for tonight. _Not yet._ She told herself.

She grabbed ahold of the table he was sitting at and pulled it back from him enough that her body could squeeze between his lap and the table. For the first time ever, Tonks kissed him. It was the worst taste she had ever had the privilege of enduring. But she knew what it felt like. In that moment she knew who's hands were on the reigns and who was going to suffer. She could see her plan folding out in front of her and she didn't care what he did to her tonight. Part of her wanted to feel the pain to bring her back to the dangerous reality that she was living in, while the other part told her to let her be the one doing the hurting. Instead, she simply let him have his way with her-even if it meant him holding her down across the kitchen table-and believe that _he_ was the one in control. It would all be over soon anyways...


	10. XI

It was their third day going out for long walks. There was no way Greyback wasn't suspicious by now as to what they were doing, she thought, but he wasn't doing anything to stop her yet. A thought haunted her that maybe he was actually giving her a chance to run... or was taunting her with it. On the second day, the crossed the limit Greyback had made for them. It was surprisingly far away. Not an entire day's walk, but far enough that the camp was no longer visible or heard from.

Teddy was oblivious to his mother's scheme. When they went on walks, sometimes he would pretend that he was a character from one of the stories his mother read him, or at least daydream about then. Today, he was thinking about the story of Hansel and Gretel. After they crossed the line, it was surprising no sirens went off and no one came chasing after them. Instead, Tonks kept walking, and counting with every step. And every so often, she would tie a piece of cloth on a nearby branch. They were very obvious, but Tonks hoped that they wouldn't need to stick around much longer to get caught.

"Are you sure it's safe to go this far?" Teddy asked.

"Absolutely." His mother's voice faltered. At the edge of camp, there was a tree marked with an "X". It was hard to see during the nighttime, but after counting her steps, it would make sense that this would be the apperation point. Chances were, if she looked hard enough, she could probably have found her tooth that got knocked out, if it wasn't already decayed.

Alexandra had comfortably moved in with her daughter. She had no wand, as hers had been taken from her and snapped just like Tonks's had. She was still clueless, likely from the shock of everything that had happened. It didn't matter how Tonks explained it, she didn't understand that she was the replacement, what that meant, or how vital it was for them to get out. If she knew it wouldn't draw them too much attention, Tonks would have brought her along to show her the way out.

 _"So... this is your house?" The woman asked._

 _"No, we just stay here." Tonks replied. "Expect eviction at any time."_

 _"That's what you're doing?"_

 _"Basically. There's running water, but be careful. Use as little as you can. And there's food, but we have to stretch it out." She paused. "Try not to be wasteful."_

 _"I understand." Alexandra nodded. She looked around the small room. "It's not that bad, honestly." She tried to sound optimistic, but her voice faltered._

 _"It's not an outhouse, I suppose. Try and get some sleep. You'll never get the opportunity back."_

 _"Right." The other woman looked around. "I'll stay on the couch."_

 _"We can share the bed. No, no, don't worry about it." Tonks shook her head, cutting her off. "Be careful with the baby, though."_

"Can we play a game?" Teddy asked.

"Not now." Tonks replied, tying a piece of cloth around a nearby tree branch. Teddy frowned. "One, two, three, four, five, six-"

He ran up to her as she was walking and hit her leg. "Tag! You're it!" The boy took off and his mother sprinted after him.

"Teddy! _Fuck!_ No! STOP!" He laughed and kept running away from her. They were far from any real trail already and Tonks stumbled around thorny bushes and pointy sticks, falling over fallen trees. Teddy seemed to weave carelessly around the obstacles, laughing and bouncing as he went. She completely forgot what step she was on. "Teddy! I'm serious, you have to stop!" She pleaded. "This isn't funny!"

He was more nimble than she was. He laughed, watching her fall over in pursuit of him. "Yes it is!"

She picked herself up and cut through a gap between two trees. He turned to keep running when his mother grabbed him.

"Why didn't you listen to me?!" Tonks shouted. She was crying and she shook his shoulders. "Don't you understand that you have to listen to me?!"

"I'm sorry!" He shouted back. "I'm sorry, okay!"

"Not okay! We're already lost as it is!" She shot back. "We can _die_ out here!"

"I'm sorry!" The little boy started frightfully tearing up. "I'm sorry..."

She was at a loss for words. All she could do was hold him close to her chest and kiss his head. "We have to run away, Teddy, and we can't afford to lose this opportunity." Tonks stared at the top of his head, watching as something changed about his demeanor. She smothered the top of his head with her hand. "Stop it. We have to get back home." She urged. "There's no point in crying right now. We need to stay focused."

He stared up at her and nodded uneasily. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't do it again." His mother urged. "You _have_ to listen to me. Right now is _so_ important. We can't afford to lose this chance."

It took almost an hour to get back to camp. The woods were dense and hard to maneuver. Tonks was losing hope. If it took them that long to get back, no honed werewolf would let them make it a mile alone. There was no way to cover their scent. They would get caught, she would be killed.

It occured to Tonks that she had forgotten about the full moon. Not that it was easily forgettable, since her mind had been fixated on it for so long that her only escape was drawing out their master plan.

Teddy wasn't feeling good. His mother had put him in a warm bath to try and soothe his worries. Was this going to be the last time she got to bathe him? To kiss him and tell him how much she loved him?

"I'm hurting." He whined.

"I know." She said, pouring water over his head. "There's nothing I can do."

Alexandra was watching him pensively, kneeling down in the floor. "What are we going to do?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"He's small. We need to protect him just as much as we need to protect ourselves." Tonks replied.

The door swung open. "Where is he?" Greyback demanded. Alexandra jumped fearfully at the man who had kidnapped her while Tonks seemed unfazed.

"The sun's not down yet." She replied, picking up Teddy and wrapping him up in a towel.

"He's coming with me." The man said firmly.

"No he's not." Tonks said bluntly.

He laughed, causing the other woman to cower. "Don't be so proud. These are your lives, too."

"Don't be so cocky, I'm his mother." She spat back, setting the boy on her bed.

"After all this, you can't learn to shut your mouth?" He growled. She stared at him, deadpan. He didn't reply either.

"I'm keeping him here. He's not old enough to hunt. He's still a small enough of a child, we can restrain him." Her voice didn't falter.

The man threw up his hands. "Better bite you." He remarked. The man lingered for a while, long enough that he was staring at Alexandra to the point that she became uncomfortable. She tended to her own child, trying to ignore him.

It was Tonks's idea to put Teddy back into the empty bathtub, naked, with a towel draped over him. The lip of the tub was tall enough and the two women rearranged the room to block him inside of it. She couldn't watch. All she could do was sit and cry in the floor, watched closely by Alexandra, who tried to comfort her best she could. The night itself strained to get to sunrise and sleep flighted in and out of the room.

Tonks listened as the inhuman whimpers turned to boyish cries. Alexandra was passed out on the bed with the baby in her arms. Tonks struggled with the bookcase and the dresser. Water still resided in the tub and the blood that had poured out of the child's small body looked twice as much as it actually was.

"Teddy... Dear god..." She cried, pulling him back up. Tonks held him close to her. His mother cleaned and wrapped his wounds. He was groggy as she carried him around like a baby for the morning.

Then, an idea struck her. It was a risky decision, and certainly a costly one. The kitchen knives weren't sharp enough to create lethal damage to people, but they were sharp enough to shred up Teddy's only pair of summer pants. To look more reasonable, she did the same to a shirt, mixing them with the blood in the bathtub. Now, she just had to bank on Greyback listening to her.

"He needs new clothes." She demanded, clutching the torn clothes in her fist. "Besides, we're still short on groceries, and now with more people living here, we have more mouths to feed."

"You should've thought about that then." Greyback smirked.

"What? That you needed a new girlfriend?" Tonks replied.

He had her pinned between a wall. She flinched with he lunged at her. His mouth clung to the side of her neck, pausing for a moment. He could feel her heartbeat become rapid against his lips. But she didn't hit him. She didn't wiggle or put up a fight. She stood like a passive rabbit, his teeth less than millimeters away from injecting poison straight into her jugular. He pulled back. "That's why." He murmured.

"That's what?" She asked, his nose nuzzling her jawbone.

"You aren't a little sheep anymore." He replied, kissing up to her ear. "You won't give me the satisfaction of breaking your neck. You'll die with a smile on your face. You still lasted longer than the last one... a pawn, but too strong of one to let me keep you..." She could feel his teeth gently grip at her skin. "She'll be too stupid to come up with your ideas. I suppose it took three tries to get someone who's a competent mother."

"I just need clothes." Tonks muttered, her eyes fixated on the ceiling. "Let me take him out." He inhaled sharply. "He's old enough... he'll listen to me."

Greyback considered this. "You have one hour."

Tonks had to wrestle Teddy to get dressed. He was sleepy and refused to cooperate. "Remember when I said I need you to be brave and work with me? That time is now." She snapped. At dusk, the two met up with the escort. This man was hesitant to let them both go, but once he heard Greyback's orders, he cooperated.

The store was eerily quiet tonight. Teddy was shocked, not only by apperating, but to see his first real life building.

"Do houses look like this?" He wondered.

His mother picked up a magazine. "Not quite, see this?" She pointed to a picture on the cover. "That's like... a _really_ fancy and expensive house."

He was mesmerized by the photo. In fact, he was mesmerized by everything. Bright colourscolours, bright lights... music! She let him look around, but not very much. He could hear her talking in a soft, but a firm voice with the man behind the register, who kept looking over at him.

"Who's that?" Teddy whispered shyly.

"That's the cashier. He gets paid to take care of the store." She explained, kneeling down. "Okay... this is... this next bit is probably going to be scary."

"What's his name?" The boy asked.

She rested her hands on his shoulders. "Listen, okay? We have to be _extra brave_ right now."

"Extra?" The boy wondered.

"Yup." She took his hand. "Hold my hand?" He did. "Now don't let go."

"Are we doing the spinning thing again?"

"Not exactly." His mother said. She led him to a small room in the back of the store, locking the door behind them.

"A bathroom?" Teddy inquired. His mother was already sitting in the floor beside the door. She held her arms out to him and he sat in her lap, puzzled.

"It's going to get loud," Tonks told him. "There might be fighting. And... people. Lots of people. I mean, _lots._ We're going away.And we're going to sit here until they get here."

"What about camp?"

She shook her head. "We aren't going back."

"Ever?"

 _"Ever."_


	11. XII

Teddy was frightened, but he was trying his best not to cry. Aurors had flooded in and out of the room repeatedly questioning them to the point that they barely got any sleep.

First, they went into police custody. There was supposedly a search out for the man that escorted them, but no luck seemed to be found. From the police station, they endured over an hour of grueling paperwork before they stepped through a fireplace that took them to a hospital. At the hospital, healers and mediwitches had administered all sorts of treatments to them and asked them all sorts of questions. Teddy found this particularly uncomfortable, especially when they said he had to go back alone. However, finding that in exchange for his separation, he was given a box full of toys and his mother's kind urgency, he was persuaded.

"How long have you been at this... camp?"

"Since I was borned." Teddy replied. "Wait... Mummy said we got taken."

"Where were you taken from?"

"Home."

"Do you remember how old you were when you got taken from your home? Do you remember your home?"

The boy shook his head. "Mummy said I was a baby."

The healer chuckled. "And... What sort of place did you live in at camp? A tent or a hut or...?"

"A house. We had a stove and a big bed and a little bed... and a dresser and a bathtub and a toilet... and books and a box where we keep food. And a couch, too! And a sink-"

The healer listened, but encouraged him away. "That's alright, sweetheart. Let's see, who else was there at the camp with you?"

"Mister Greyback... Miss Alexandra... Baby Isobel..."

"Who were these people? Let's start with Greyback. What's he like?"

Teddy's face soured. "Mister is _mean_. He hit me and mummy sometimes. He hurt mummy a lot. He made her lose her tooth. He gave me my bite and made me a wolf like him. He's my mummy's not-husband."

"What's... a not-husband? What do they do?"

"It's a husband that does husband things, but isn't _really_ a husband. Like, Mummy has a real husband, my daddy, and a not-husband, Mister Greyback."

"Like what sort of things?"

"Like... Mummy cooks for him and does house cleaning stuff and he does, like... kissing-stuff."

"So, would you describe them as being affectionate to each other? Do they act like they love each other?"

Teddy pondered this. "No. Mummy says she hates him. But she says if she doesn't let him eat our food and do kissing-stuff like he does, we would lose our house and die."

"Can you... what do you mean by 'kissing-stuff'?"

Teddy sat up in his chair. "They kiss each other. And sometimes, at night time, I have to go to bed early behind the bookcase, so I can't see what kissing-stuff _really_ looks like, but it makes Mummy cry sometimes, because she says kissing-stuff makes her sad. I'm not supposed to talk about it, though."

The healer pursed her lips and continued writing. "Does Mister Greyback ever have 'kissing-stuff' with you?"

Teddy shook his head. "Kissing-stuff is for grown ups. And grown ups aren't supposed to touch my privates, so I can't do kissing-stuff and I'm not supposed to touch theirs. It's gross, anyways."

"So they... touch each other on their privates? Is that what you're saying?"

"I think so. I dunno."

"Right, well, what about the others? Who else lives with you?"

"Miss Alexandra is Mum's friend and he's Greyback's girlfriend, I think. I think that means they're kissing friends too, but I dunno. Isobel is her baby."

"Do you know if Mister Greyback Isobel's daddy?"

"Nope. Mummy said he wanted a baby though. That's why he took me and Mummy to take care of me. I guess Miss Alexandra is there to take care of Baby Isobel."

"Do you have any idea why he wants to have babies?"

The boy shook his head. "All I know is Mister Greyback was trying to use magic to put a baby in Mummy's belly."

"Magic, huh? And... did this _magic_ involve kissing-stuff, I suppose?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe. Mummy said you have to love someone to put a baby in someone's belly, except sometimes. I don't think Mummy loves Mister Greyback."

"Does Mister Greyback love your Mummy?"

"I... I think so."

"Can you explain?"

"I don't know. Mummy loves me and he loves her and they're different, though. Like... Mummy makes me sad sometimes, but not _all_ the time."

The healer made a long note. "Tell me about your mother."

Teddy perked up. "Mummy's good! She's soft and kind and she cuddles me and gives me baths and kisses. She made me a birthday cake. She let's me sleep in her bed if Mister Greyback is gone."

"Do you think of Mister Greyback as your father?"

"No, I have a daddy already. His name's Remus, like me! And he's super smart and brave and kind."

"Have you ever met him before?"

"No, only heard stories." Teddy paused. "Can I go see my Mummy now?"

The worst of it was over. He had to have needles pushed in his arms and chemicals and potions that burned his cuts and bite. They healed his slinged arm. His mother had to go back without him. Teddy had cried until they let her hold his hand. He didn't like the way the healers talked to him. He didn't trust them.

He didn't like the way they looked at and talked to his mother. There was something upsetting about how they examined her, inspecting every inch, every cut, every mark on her body. They would say things like "at risk" or "critically low" or even "worrisome." He noticed she had a new scar on the inside of her arm that she wouldn't let him see. When he pointed out that they were matching, she politely shut him down.

They got put in a room that was finally empty and quiet. It had a big, soft bed and clean pajamas for them to wear. Tonks showed him how the shower worked and she let him take a shower with her. She combed their hair. The mirror had a light behind it and for the first time ever, Teddy could clearly see their faces, clean and whole. She showed him the lotion that they had been given and how soft it made their skin. He curled up against her chest. His mother smelled sweet and fresh. Her hair was soft and clean, too. He decided he never wanted to be that dirty ever again.

He was laying in his mother's lap, his head laying on her chest. Her fingers were gently brushing over his head. It was comforting, but not quite enough.

There was a knock on the door. A mediwitch stuck her head inside. "Ms. Tonks?"

"Yes, Ma'am?"

The mediwitch was holding a tray of food in her hands. "I've got breakfast for the two of you."

Tonks nudged her son and smiled. "Look, the nice woman has food for us."

"I bet you're both very hungry. I didn't know what you liked, so I got a bit of everything, enough for two of you." She smiled, setting the tray down on the table beside the bed. "I have to keep an eye on you two while you eat, I'm afraid. I bet you're absolutely starved, but we can't let you both inhale too much. You can get incredibly sick that way."

"Hey, look, do you want to see what they've got? I bet they have some fruit you like." The boy shook his head. His mother reached over and grabbed the plate, putting it in her lap. "Let's see... Pancakes, you like pancakes. And I bet they're better than the ones I used to make. Oh, and there's syrup, too. You'll love that. Cantaloupe... have you ever had cantaloupe? Maybe when you were a baby, I don't remember. Potatos, probably fresh and not from a can. They look tasty."

"What's that?"

"I think... it's sausage." Tonks stared at if for a second. "It's probably pork, from a pig. You've never really eaten meat, or meat like that, have you?"

"I've had chicken."

"Once or twice, but you've never really eaten it."

The mediwitch frowned with concern. "Is something wrong? Does he have a food intolerance?"

"No," Tonks sighed. "We didn't eat meat because the werewolves eat people. Can't stomach pork too well when you've got roasted human leg just outside your window."

"That's why we don't take food from strangers." Teddy remarked.

His mother thought for a moment. "Hey, hon, she isn't a stranger. We can and need to eat the food here. We need to get our energy up."

"I don't want to." He grumbled.

"Okay, then." Tonks said, trying to force the metal silverware through the plastic bag. "I'm going to eat because I'm starving, and when you get hungry, let me know. You're sure you don't want any pancakes?"

He nodded.

"No pancakes, then." She shrugged. Tonks quickly began making a dent in her breakfast tray, though forcing herself to slow down under the watchful eye of the mediwitch. "Ooh, Teddy, look, are you awake?"

Teddy nudged forward, looking around. "Is that orange juice?"

"Yep! Here, you want it? You've got to sit up." The little boy sat up. She handed him the glass of juice and he happily drank half of it before handing it back to her. His stomach let out a growl. "Here, let's try some food." Tonks fed him various breakfast foods with her fork, but he wasn't exactly fond of all of them.

A while later, a second mediwitch came and stuck her head inside the door. "You have visitors."

"Wait-" Tonks looked down at her son, moving the plate out of her lap. "Who is it? He's not ready for too many people."

"It's your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Tonks."

"Really?" The mediwitch nodded and turned to look behind her. "Could you... please tell them not to get too excited, Teddy gets startled so easily."

The woman nodded again and say something to the people on the other side of the door. Slowly and carefully, two people came inside. One was a tall and slender woman with black hair freckled with grey, messily pulled back in a braid behind her. The other was a shorter man, a bit fatter around the middle than Tonks remembered, with balding blonde hair. They looked not much older than they had been five years ago, but certainly more distressed.

"Mum? Dad?" Tonks's voice cracked. "You're alive! You're here..."

The woman gave her a weak smile. "Yes, darling, we're here."

Teddy squirmed and held on tightly to his mother, burying his face away from the company, whimpering loudly. "Sweetheart, this is just Grandma and Grandpa. They're my mummy and daddy." He shook his head.

Andromeda smiled and took ahold of her daughter's hand. The two women were already crying. "You have no idea how happy I am to finally hold you in my arms again."

"I do." Tonks smiled, tears running down her face.

"No!" Teddy exclaimed in a panic, swatting at his grandmother's hand. Andromeda stared at him in shock.

"Teddy! What's gotten into you?" Tonks demanded, grabbing ahold of his fist. "We don't hit people, do you understand?"

"She made you cry!" Teddy exclaimed. "She's hurting you!"

Tonks shook her head, kissing the top of the boy's head. "I'm not hurt anymore. No one's going to hurt anyone here. These... these are _good_ tears, okay? They're happy tears."

He looked at her confused, even more confused when she let her mother hug her sideways and kiss her face the way she kissed Teddy. Why did she cry if she was happy? The two women seemed to be talking about something in hushed voices amongst their crying.

The man knelt down beside them on the other side of the bed and grinned. Teddy peeked his head out to get a good look at the man, but he was still shy. "Hi there." The man said. "I don't think we've officially met yet. Are you Teddy?"

Teddy nodded.

"My name's Ted, too. Your mum named you that because of me. Did you know that?" The little boy shook his head. The man chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "That's fine. You can call me grandpa if you'd rather."

Teddy perked up a bit and nodded. So this really _was_ the mythical grandpa from his mother's stories!

"Yeah, I like that better too." Ted said softly. "Did your mum tell you about me and your Nana?"

He nodded cautiously.

"This must all be very scary, huh?"

Teddy nodded.

"Well don't you worry. We're here to help you adjust at your pace." The man chuckled, putting his hands on his hips.

Teddy was nervous, but he nodded.

"I know you don't know me, but I knew you when you were in your mum's belly. I couldn't even see you! I remember when your grandma said you were very tiny. You were so small she said she could hold you in one arm." Ted made a gesture with his arm.

"Nuh uh." Teddy shook his head.

Ted smiled. "Oh yeah, you were a tiny baby from the day you were born. I'm sorry I wasn't there for it." The man sighed. "We all knew you for such a short time, and I'm afraid I knew you for the shortest. Ah, it's a long story, I can tell you it some another time."

"Where's Remus? Is he outside with you?" Tonks asked.

Andromeda pursed her lips. "I've owled him twice since and I haven't heard back from him."

Tonks shook her head, terrified. "Why? What's going on?"

Andromeda sat down on the side of the bed, grasping her daughter's hand. "Dora, we need to talk about him."

"What's going on?" She gasped. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine." Ted cut in. "But..."

Andromeda sighed. "We need you to understand that your marriage was annulled after you went missing."

There was a long, awkward pause.

 _"What?"_

"Not after you went missing." Her father said quickly. "It was about a year after."

"No," Tonks shook her head in confusion. "it's _seven_ years before someone's pronounced dead, not one, not _five."_

"...unless there's _probable cause."_

"Dad, what are you talking about?"

"They found this... this _mass grave sort of thing."_ The room went completely silent. "About a year after you went missing, they... they found where the werewolves were keeping piles of bones. On the top was a woman and a small child... it was um..." He wouldn't look at his daughter and everyone stayed quiet.

"So they said that we were dead."

"Darling-"

"So... that's why Remus doesn't want to come see us."

"I told you, _I don't know."_

"When was the last time you two spoke?"

"Just a few weeks ago. Maybe two, or so. I try to talk to him every couple of weeks. I invited him to dinner and he politely declined." Andromeda told her. "He usually comes over, but he had been declining more and more often..."

"Why?"

"Dora, _I don't know."_

"He lost his job recently, I'm sure that caused him some distress." Ted explained. "Man's had a lot on his mind with every thing already." He got quiet. "I'm... assuming you knew about all of the werewolf attacks?"

Her lips pursed. "Yeah, I heard a thing or two."

 **AN: I know you all are looking forward to Remus, and don't worry, he'll be coming in soon. I'm writing ahead some of my chapters, so I'm trying to ration out updates. I can't believe this story low-key blew up like this! Thank you all so much!**


	12. XIII

**AN: I am so sorry for this tbh. I'm low key obsessed with writing right now and I'm already in a hole with After May, but I'll be over it soon enough and back to updating that in the next couple of days. I've written ahead 3 more chapters and I just can't help but put them out there! I'll try and slow down, promise.**

The healers didn't make them stay more than a week on a few conditions.

One, both Tonks and Teddy would need to engage in therapy with assigned in house trauma counselors. Teddy got the woman who questioned him upon arrival and Tonks got a man she had never met before.

Two, Tonks, while obviously a capable parent as one healer had put, was not allowed to take Teddy and live with him alone. The two had to be under the supervision of at least two other adults--one pair of eyes for the each of them.

Three, they had to integrate back as slowly or as quickly as they wanted back into a normal life. This was more of a goal given to them to fulfill. Tonks was meant to get herself back to full physical health while Teddy needed to be exposed to things, pictures, foods, sounds, and eventually, people. No matter how slow they went, the healer said, right now, any progress was good progress.

Not being out in the field with the aurors made Tonks nervous. She didn't have much to go on, but she wanted to see things for herself to retrace her steps. She wished they would hurry and find camp. At one point, she had been yelling at them. Time was running out for all of them, even if she wasn't there at the camp. They could move again, taking the other woman with them.

Her biggest fear upon leaving the hospital was leaving safety. She had been kidnapped from her own home once, who was to say it would happen again? That was when they met an auror that looked like he rarely smiled, yet smiled at Teddy whenever he saw him. He agreed to meet up with them that night and would be one of the two or three aurors rotating every night until they knew Greyback was in custody or they asked them to stop coming. Ted was uneasy about bringing the aurors, but his daughter convinced him by saying that it was the sort of job she would have had to do and she would have been honoured to be chosen to watch over them. They left the hospital with the peace of mind that even with a looming investigation, they had eyes on them.

Teddy got to ride in a car for the first time in his life. He had never actually seen a car until they walked out to the parking lot and were led to Ted Tonks's car. Tonks had to explain that they could be dangerous on the outside, but relatively safe on the inside. Teddy couldn't help but be more afraid than excited.

In the very same day, Teddy got to see their house. Or at least, Ted and Andromeda's house. It wasn't quite what he had imagined, but the only thing he had to expect were all the things he had seen on the way there. It was tall and yellow and there was a swing on the porch. Tonks let him stop to look at all the flowers that were in bloom in the front yard, but he couldn't pick any of them.

"We don't want to pick them or they'll die and then we can't enjoy them." She explained.

Funny enough, the kitchen table and the counters were filled with vases of flowers. "Wow." Tonks remarked. "Who sent all of these?"

"I think there's at least two from the Weasleys. Harry Potter sent one, I think.. A few from your old coworkers. I think one's from St. mungo's..."

"Word really got out that fast?" Andromeda nodded. "They certainly smell good, but do you think we could tell people to not send stuff? It's nice and all, but I don't think we need it."

Her father laughed. "Tell that to the four casseroles we have in the freezer."

Teddy tried to subtly whisper to his mother. "What's a casserole?"

"It's like... a pan of food that's all mixed up." Tonks explained. "Hard to explain without eating one."

"I'll make sure to let the others know." Andromeda said. "But just so you know, I'm not sure I'm in a high enough position of power to stop Molly from sending more food."

"Who's Molly?" The boy asked. Whenever he asked questions about people or flowers or casseroles of all things, his grandparents seemed to have a surprised look on their faces. It was strange to see such a child have to have things explained to him, like he hadn't been alive long enough to conceptualize the idea of a casserole.

"She's a friend of ours." His mother said. "She's got seven kids, but they're all grown up. I was friends with the oldest two. They're my age."

"Oh." Teddy tilted his head, looking around the living room. "These are a lot of houses."

Tonks laughed. She took her son by the hand. "No, these are rooms. It's all one house. Here, let me show you my bedroom."

The upstairs bedroom had been cleaned, but otherwise left the way it had been. The walls were a pale yellow with a bed with white blankets. "It's a lot smaller than I remember. Actually, I don't think it is. I remember when you were in my stomach and your dad and I didn't have any place to sleep for a while. Yeah, the bed was pretty tiny. Maybe we'll get one just for you."

"Do we live here now?"

She thought for a minute. "No, not forever. I need to get in touch with your father."

"Are we gonna live with him?"

"When... when Greyback gets caught, we can. We're not completely safe enough to move right now as long as he's free." His mother explained.

"Oh." The boy stared frightfully. "Are we going back to camp?"

"No." She said quickly. "We're safe as long as we live here." She replied, kissing the top of his head. "Come on, do you want to see the rest of the house?"

Teddy was fascinated by all the little things. The closets and the washing machine, the big windows in the kitchen and the staircase, the coffee maker and the large backyard. At first, Amdromeda wanted to keep them under a close watch. No roughhousing; they needed as much rest as possible. It was her husband who talked her out of it ("Let the boy run off some of his energy! They deserve it, Andy.") Andromeda and Ted were utterly amused to see their grandson running around the yard with his mother, who while she wasn't laughing like him, looked pleasantly happy.

She stuck her head out the sliding back door. "I made lemonade if either of you want any!"

The two stopped their chase. Both were sweaty in the summer heat. The boy turned to his mother with furrowed brows. "What's that?"

She smiled and trampled up the back steps. "Come on, I'll show you." He followed her into the kitchen. Andromeda had made lemonade just like she had promised and poured each of them a glass. Tonks pointed to the slices of lemon in the bottom of the pitcher. "See, those are lemons. It's lemon water with sugar. It's supposed to be really sweet."

Teddy drank the whole glass in one breath. For a moment, his mother thought the hair on his scalp even lightened a shade. "It's really good." He beamed.

His mother let him have what was left of hers. "Here, you wanna try something?" She grabbed a spoon from the drawer (simultaneously noticing that in five years, her parents' kitchen layout hadn't changed at all) and fished out a piece of the lemon. "Hold it by the skin, the hard part there, and don't eat it." She explained.

Andromeda's jaw dropped. "Nymphadora!"

Tonks was giggling quietly. "Shh, it's all in good fun."

Teddy looked confused, but took a bite out of the lemon. What didn't go in his mouth fell to the floor as he pulled a massively dissatisfied face. _"Mummy!"_ He exclaimed, jumping up and down at the sourness.

He shot his mother a nasty look. She quickly grabbed another slice of lemon and ate it herself, causing her to make an equally disgusted face. The two exchanged looks and laughed.

Andromeda didn't have the guts to roll her eyes. All she could do was watch with years of grief hanging over her shoulders. "Remus is coming over for dinner."

"Wait, really?" Tonks said, surprised. "I mean... tonight?"

Andromeda nodded. "You can decide what you all want to eat, if you'd like."

"Oh, sure." Her daughter swallowed nervously. "Am I supposed to dress up or something?"

"You don't have to."

"What time is he going to get here?"

"He said he'd be here around six."

"Daddy's coming over?" Teddy said, looking up to his mother with excitement.

"Yep." She sighed. "I'll have to shower and change... and I dunno, I guess we could start by putting a dent in those casseroles."

"If you go shower, I'll wash your clothes and we can go out and get you both some new clothes." Andromeda said.

Tonks looked down. In her moment to moment thinking, having clean clothes hadn't been one of her biggest concerns. At the hospital, they had been given pairs of underwear and pajamas and slippers. Tonks didn't really want a smelly t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to be what she was wearing when she reunited with her husband after five years and a fake death.

Teddy stayed glued to his mother's side. They couldn't go out a buy a full closet for each of them, but having a couple clean and soft and somesomewhat better looking outfits than sweatpants was appreciated. Teddy, while the healers had said he was somewhat mentally and physically behind on the growth curve, Tonks was the one with the plethora of possible health complications. She was told if she didn't start putting on weight, she was going to hospitalized and put on special potions. Andromeda could see by how attached she was to the boy how dedicated and protective of him she was. She would do anything for him, even if it killed her, and that scared Andromeda. She was worried the two would be overwhelmed by going to a public store. Teddy was more curious than scared, however the two still refused to seperate. Teddy was excitedly showing off his elephant sweater to his mother. The clothes they picked out were still loose with plenty of growing room, but nicer than their pajamas, and finally, they had real shoes that weren't too small or worn out.

Teddy had never seen a whole potato before. He recognized lettuce, but having real salad was a bit different than what he was used to. He didn't know a considerable amount of vegetables and fruit. He knew things like bread and rice or pasta, but he knew of them as stale, boring staples. His grandmother could cook foods in ways he hadn't known before. Still, it wasn't something he was excited to jump feet first into, rather, he preferred baby steps.

Andromeda was finishing cooking and Tonks kept checking and rechecking the time. She didn't care if she watched the same minutes tick agonizingly slow, she just wanted to make it to six o'clock.

"Are you nervous?" Ted asked his daughter. "You're shaking like a leaf."

"Am not." She replied.

He smiled. "I don't think you were that nervous on your wedding day."

There was a knock on the door. Tonks felt her heart turn from a pounding to a sickening flutter, jittery and terrified. _It's him._

"Could you all just... Here, Teddy sit down." His mother gestured to the kitchen table. "I need to talk to him alone."

"Okay, darling." Andromeda smiled. "Go take your time."

Teddy wanted to protest. "But-"

"It's okay." His grandmother assured, touching his shoulder. "You'll get to see him."

Tonks picked up her glass of wine, taking a sip as she made her way to the front door. It was more bitter than what she would have usually preferred, but she needed something to take her edge off. Her hand paused over the door knob, twisting it. It felt like an impulsive move.

Remus was on the other side of the door. His eyes were wide and terrified, just as shocked as her own. The air escaped her lungs and she anxiously covered her mouth. Her eyes tried to take in every detail about him. His haircut hadn't changed. He was holding a small black box in his hands. He still had his wedding band on and his clothing style hadn't changed much. The only thing she couldn't quite take in was his eyes.

"Hi." Remus sighed.

"Hey." Tonks shifted her weight awkwardly.

"How... are you?" He asked innocently.

"Good." She lied.

"Good." He nodded, swallowing uncomfortably.

Tonks pulled her cardigan tighter around her insecurely. "Do you... do you want to come inside?"

"I was hoping we could talk for a second. If that's okay. Is that okay?" He said lightly.

"Oh, sure," She smiled. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to offer him something to drink or not. The sun was beginning to go down and it was comfortably warm on the porch step where they sat. "So how are you?"

He didn't answer at first. "I'm-I'm okay." He tried to sound optimistic.

"What's in the box?" Tonks asked. The black box was about as long as a piece of parchment and was narrow. "If I can ask that."

Remus stared at it in his hands. "Well I thought it was you, but I guess we were wrong." It took her a second to register what he was saying. He looked incredibly guilty. "Your parents and I split the ashes. We really thought it was _you."_

"It's not your fault." Tonks assured. She wanted to repeat it over and over. She wanted them to both feel better. "I... I haven't told the aurors yet, but I... I think I knew the woman that was killed." Suddenly, she felt her own sense of guilt. It felt as if she was confessing a secret to an absolute stranger. "I don't know her name or who she was before she got to the camp. I knew she had a child. She... she saved my life. Teddy too. She was killed before we escaped the Ministry. I suppose that's how they found the mass grave." Remus wasn't sure what to say. Tonks shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"No," He cut her off. "You need to tell the aurors. I'm sure... I mean, if she didn't have family, we could make sure she has a proper burial."

"That's a great idea." Tonks didn't sound convincing.

There was an awkward pause. "How are you really?" Remus asked.

"I'm adjusting." She turned and looked back at the house. "I don't think I understand it all yet. It doesn't feel... real. None of it does."

"I know." He replied. "To find out that your wife's suddenly back from the dead. It's... weird."

"Yeah." Tonks nodded. "Weird."


	13. XIV

The couple's conversation was just beginning.

"How's... Teddy doing?"

"We're supposed to get Teddy back on track with other kids his age. Gain weight, socialize, hopefully get his morphing back... He just doesn't know about a lot of stuff. We went out today for the second time in his _life_. I mean, it was great that he's asking questions and wanting to look at stuff. We finally got him to not run away from the hospital staff, but short of that, he's running from everyone. We have to talk to counselors every week, so hopefully he'll stop being so shy. Sorry, I'm talking a lot-"

"It's okay." He reassured. "Keep talking."

Tonks sighed. "I'm worried he won't be afraid of strangers, you know? I mean, he's already acclamated to Mum and Dad, and you think bad things only happen once in your life, but what if I've made him too open to strangers and something bad happens again?"

"I don't think that would happen. If it did, it wouldn't possibly be because you neglected to teach him." Remus told her. "Would he be afraid of me?"

"I don't think so." Tonks shook her head. "I've told him stories about you. I think he's excited to see you for the first time."

"You told him about me?" He seemed surprised at the thought.

"I think he had the right to know who his real father was." She said. "He was asking questions about things and... he wanted to know more about the outside world. I had to tell him something to keep us going forward."

"Right." Remus couldn't find adequate words to say to her. "How's the investigation? Have they told you anything?"

She sighed. "We'll have aurors staying overnight with us until we get word on... on him." Tonks told him.

"Have you thought about a temporary fidelius charm?"

"Hadn't even considered it, honestly."

"I'd be happy to be your secret keeper if you'd like." Remus offered.

"We would have to see what happens, but I would certainly have peace of mind if he can't find us." She was staring at something off the porch. "I'm going to have to get a wand first."

"I can take you tomorrow, if you'd like." He suggested.

"Can't. I'm supposed to be meeting with the counselor tomorrow with Teddy." She replied. She had finished off her glass. "We'll see how that goes."

"I'm sure it'll go fine." Remus tried to say hopefully. "If you ever need to talk to someone a bit more personal, you know I'm always going to be here, right?"

"Yeah." Tonks's cheeks were already turning a rosy colour.

There was a pause. "It's... nice getting to hear your voice again."

"Thanks." Tonks smiled.

"I need to tell you something, though-" Remus's train of thought was interrupted by a thud on the glass door behind them. They both jumped and turned around to see what was going on. Teddy had his face pressed up against the glass door, his hand trying aggressively to get the doorknob to open. His mother let out a laugh.

"Teddy! I said we would be in in just a minute!" She smiled, opening the door.

"You said I could meet Dad." The boy said.

"He's staying for dinner." She told him. "You've got plenty of time to talk to him."

"But I wanted to see him now." Teddy said.

"Listen to me, though, no jumping on him and getting too excited, you hear me?" Tonks held the door open. "You can come say hello."

"Hello!" Teddy said, waving at Remus, who was still sitting on the steps. "I'm Teddy!"

"Well, hello Teddy." Remus smiled. "I'm Remus, I...I guess I'm Dad."

Teddy looked up to his mother for reassurance. "That's him, that I told you about." Tonks reaffirmed.

The boy cocked his head. "You look different than I imagined." His mother gently slapped his arm. "It's not bad! I thought he'd look more like Mister Greyback or something."

Teddy walked over to him and Remus turned to get a better look at the boy. "You look just like your mother." Remus smiled.

"But I'm a boy." Teddy said, confused.

His father chuckled. "I just meant your face looks a lot like hers, I think."

"Here, do you want to come inside?" Tonks offered. "I don't think Dad'll want to wait much longer. _My_ dad."

Remus nodded and picked himself up. He tried to swiftly pick up the box and set it on the mantelpiece by the door without drawing too much attention from the boy.

"Hi, Remus dear!" Andromeda called from the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water's fine." He nodded.

"Can you sit by me?" Teddy asked, sitting on his knees in his chair.

His father smiled. "Absolutely, I can." He slid into the seat next to him. "How are you?"

"Good!" Teddy smiled.

"I like your sweater." He remarked. "Is that an elephant?"

"Yep!" Teddy held out his striped sweater out to show him. Sure enough, it had a grey cartoon elephant on it. "They're my favourite."

"I'll have to remember that." Remus said.

"I used to have a book about them, but I left it back at camp." The boy's face turned sad and he looked at his mother. "We really aren't going back, are we?"

Tonks paled. "No." She could tell Remus was looking at her, but she didn't reciprocate. "We're not."

For the first time that night, things actually seemed real to Remus. Talking about Teddy, perhaps part of him could pretend that he was meeting up with a long lost lover or an old friend and the child they had together. Now, at the first mention of the actual camp, Greyback seemed like more than a name. It was a tangible thing, less than anything he wanted to consider human. This wasn't a dinner topic, but some morbid curiosity inside of him wanted to pry into Tonks about everything that had happened.

But he didn't. Not then, and not afterwards.

"Do you plan on going back to be an auror?" Remus asked.

Tonks shook her head. "My certification would've expired last year. The time and effort it would take to get that all sorted out would be a straight nightmare. Besides, I'd rather stick around and be with Teddy, at least for right now."

There wasn't much to do around the house that would interest a five year old boy. Ted showed him how to play checkers and let him win. He was on the verge of teaching him Gobstones before Tonks intervened and another game of checkers began.

Remus gently grabbed Tonks by the arm. "Dora, I need to tell you something." He said, leading her back into the kitchen.

Andromeda was drying her hands off with a dish towel. "Here, I just finished the dishes. I'll get out of your way." She said, sliding past them to moderate the checkers game.

"What's wrong?" Tonks asked. There was suddenly a knock on the front door. "Wait, hold that thought."

He stood with his mouth still open as she went to answer the door. Outside, was a tall dark man in aurors robes. He looked serious and lacked any sort of meaningful expression in his face. "You must be Ms. Tonks." He stated.

Her fingers were instinctively clutching onto the doorframe. "Can I help you?"

"My name is Agent Cole. I'm the auror assigned to be staying in your household for the night." He informed her.

"Oh! Absolutely, come right in," Tonks gestured. "Thank you so much for coming, I-"

"I'm going to be here on Monday's, Wednesday's, and alternating Fridays. There will be two other aurors who will be staying here with your family. Do you mind telling me who lives here?"

"Just... myself, my son, Teddy, and my parents."

The auror looked around. "Do you mind if I have a look around?"

Andromeda got up from her arm chair. "Here, I can show you around. If you'll follow up upstairs..."

Tonks finally retreated back to the kitchen. "So sorry. What were you saying?"

"Dora, I... There's not really any easy way to say this." Remus told her.

"What's going on?" She pressed.

There was a long pause of silence. "Dora, I'm engaged."

Tonks felt like she took a hard kick to her gut. Honestly, she wished she had. A hard kick to the gut might break a rib or two, but not her heart. She wanted to somehow laugh and scream at the same time, yet nothing came out. "That's great." She spat out without even processing what she was saying.

"I'm sorry." He seemed to be spitting out his own words as much as she was. "It-"

"No, it's fine!" Tonks reassured. _This is very much not fine._ "So, um, who is she? Or, you know-"

"Her name is Cleverly." Remus informed her. "We were in Gryffindor together. She... we met right after your funeral."

 _"Oh."_

"It's not like that, I mean, she just happened to read my name on your obituary and reach out to me and we... we hit it off and..."

"Yeah." Tonks nodded. She could feel her heart pounding against her ribs.

"Dora, I'm so sorry." He repeated. Just as he could before, he could read through her expressions. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's fine." She repeated.

There was another long pause. "If, when this whole mess with Greyback blows over, need a place to go, our house is too big for the two of us. We have an extra bedroom, and you and Teddy need a place to go, we would be happy to keep you." Remus told her. "I'm serious. You aren't alone here, you know that, don't you?"

"I don't think your fiancee's going to be too keen on having your dead ex wife and child romping around her house, but I understand where you're coming from and that's really sweet of you." Tonks said bluntly.

"It was her idea, actually." He confessed. "She's over any hard feelings, I promise. Clary wants to be just as supportive to you as I am."

"So what does that make us then? I mean, we aren't together or picking up where we left off, what are we exactly?" Remus wasn't quite sure. "Look, I don't care. I don't care if you want nothing to do with me or whatever, but... can I at least ask that we figure something out for Teddy? He really likes you and wants you to be apart of his life. He's never had a dad and I can tell already how much he loves you. But I understand that you didn't exactly sign up for this."

"I did too." Remus replied. "I probably wasn't the best husband or father right off the bat, but I had every intention of being apart of his life. We can't dance around the fact that we were going to have a future together. I want to be Teddy's father."

Tonks nodded. "It's... refreshing to hear you say that."

"I'm perfectly fine and content with us being friends." He told her. "As much or as little as you want. But I'm going to be there for Teddy as much as I can."

"He was bitten, you know." She blurted out.

Remus's hand went over his mouth. "Oh my god."

"That's why we had to get out when we did." She explained. "I'm sorry, I just thought you should know."

"How-how many moons have there been?" He asked.

"Just one." She told him. "I couldn't give him any potions at the time, but he's recovered miraculously." She glanced into the living room. I'm just thankful that everything's gone as well as it has."

"Oh my god..." His voice was barely above a whisper. "How's he handling it?"

"He's scared." She lowered her voice. "He's had nightmares, but those have been going on for a while. He has these, like, panic attacks? That's what the hospital called them. Been having them for a while now. When we first got out, that's all he wanted to talk about. He's... the shift he's gone through is..." Tonks looked back to him. "I'm worried these fits are just the beginning."


	14. XV

Her name was Dr. Armani. She was a foreign woman who had wire framed glasses and had short, cropped hair. Tonks couldn't quite pinpoint her accent. Her office had a white couch with pillows that had cartoon hedgehogs on them. On her windowsill, there were green plants in painted pots. There was a watercolour painting of an ocean next to them. Off the the side, there was a green ceramic teapot that was serving two cups of tea on its own. She wasn't even supposed to be the one talking to Tonks, but she had been reassigned to her after the sexual assault charges against Greyback surfaced. It occured to someone that putting her with another female might be for the best.

"I want to remind you that I'm not going to push you into talking about any particular subject. However, there are some topics that talking about is greatly going to help you move past your trauma." She told Tonks. "Do you like sugar and milk in yours?"

"Has it got veritiserum in it?" Tonks directed. She wasn't in the mood to dig up her ancient investigation skills and not take drinks from strangers.

"No, I already told you that whatever you say here is on your own free will." She reaffirmed.

Tonks nodded. "Where do you want me to start?"

The doctor looked at a clipboard on her desk. "I have some basic information from the hospital, but that's all."

"I don't care where we start."

"Do you remember the night you were kidnapped?" Armani asked.

"I feel like a broken record, honestly. No offense to you, I just feel like someone's waiting for me to trip up on my facts..." Tonks pursed her lips. "My son was about a month old. It was after the war had ended, so we weren't in hiding, but I hadn't gone back to work yet. I remember I spent a lot of time taking care of the baby and I was really burnt out. My husband had made dinner that night. I put Teddy to bed that night and had bottles ready for when he woke up. I kissed my husband on the cheek and... I woke up in the middle of the night to check on Teddy because he was crying and someone was trying to strangle me. We were upstairs and I remember getting carpet burn on my leg because they had to drag me downstairs."

"Who is they?"

"I know, um, you know," The counselor didn't seem to know. "Greyback was there, but he wasn't alone."

"Keep going."

"I started screaming. Teddy started crying. They shoved this dirty rag in his mouth and told me if I screamed, they'd break his neck. That's when I got taken to the first camp." The teacups floated over to them and Tonks took hers. "He um, he had to beat me up to keep me in line. My wrist got broken and a few other things."

"What happened while you were at the camp?"

"There was this woman..." Tonks could hardly materialize her face. It was fuzzy a haloed as if she was some sort of literal angel. "...she was one of his-he had kidnapped her as well. She took care of Teddy when I couldn't. I remember laying there, on the ground in tears and she came over and took Teddy from me and fed him for me. It was like... it didn't feel _real_. All I remember at first was going in and out of conciousness..." Her dreaminess was cut short by the harsh reality. "She's dead. I don't know who did it, but I know she had a baby. He got bitten by a werewolf and died. I think... _he..._ just wanted her out of the way."

The counselor sat and listened closely.

"Then they found us in the middle of the night--the Ministry, that is. We had to get out. Then the made this more... permanent camp. That's where we were for a while." Tonks explained. "I never got to say _thank you..."_

"How do you know that she was killed?"

"She went missing not long before the Ministry found us. I guess I thought there was no hope for her. But I know something happened because she and her son were found in a mass grave and they thought it was me and Teddy and they cremated them and gave them to my parents and my husband and..." Tonks felt a tight knot in her throat.

"You were pronounced dead, correct?"

"How did you know?"

"There's already been a Daily Prophet article about you coming back with your son."

Tonks let out a desperate sigh. _"Seriously?"_

"I can probably find a copy if you'd like. I promise it wasn't as sensationalized as I'm sure you imagine. I thought it was rather plesant. Like... the opposite of an obituary."

"Do you know who wrote it?"

"No, but I remember that it wasn't Rita, at least."

Tonks rubbed her face. "This _sucks._

"I'm sure this is very upsetting to you, and I'm very sorry. I'm sure if you took this to the Prophet, you could get some sort of restitution from it." The counselor tried to say positively.

"No, I mean _all of this_ sucks." Tonks mumbled into her hand.

"What do you mean exactly?"

"Not you. _This."_ She gestured widely with her hand. "Getting kidnapped. Beaten up. Starved. Being... the other stuff."

Armani listened.

"She's the reason my husband and I are divorced, actually. The woman at camp that I told you about?"

"Do explain."

"They mistook her and her child for me and mine. My bloody parents had her in an urn! In their house! She's surely a saint and all, but she's the reason my marriage's been broken off! And now he's off shagging some chick he went to school with and I'm, what, the mother of his child? That's the best title I have with my own husband!"

"Would you like to talk more about your husband or come back to him?"

Tonks shrugged, defeated.

"Well... how about we make a not of your husband and wrap back to him in a minute. Are you feeling comfortable enough to elaborate on 'the other stuff' that you mentioned?" The counselor said softly.

"What does my file say about it?"

"Well..." Armani flipped through her clipboard. "You showed physical and psychological evidence of being sexually assaulted to the point of rape." Tonks physically cringed. "Is everything alright?"

"Talking about it's fine. But I hate that word." She confessed.

"Rape?"

Tonks's face contorted painfully. "Please don't call it that. Sexual assault, whatever. Just not... _that_ one." The counselor stared at her with an inquiring glance that seemed to guilt Tonks into continuing. "I don't think I was exactly 'raped', come to think of it."

"Could you explain what you mean by that?"

"I mean... if you're in a situation and someone is trying to engage sex which you don't want, you say no. You indicate to them that you aren't interested and they either stop, or they don't." Tonks felt incredibly stupid saying what she was saying aloud. "I mean, it wasn't like I _wanted_ to do any of that stuff with him. I didn't! But it wasn't like I could just _tell him_ no! And... I... I..."

"Being in a position where you can't physically or emotionally consent does not negate the notion of rape, Ms. Tonks."

She was already crying. Hunched over, tears flowed down her face, her arms, and into her lap. "I bloody _initiated it!_ I thought the faster I could get through it the less I would worry! I just... I thought the more I cooperated... _I enabled him!_ "

"Ms. Tonks," The woman handed her a box of tissues. "you were raped. I understand that coming to terms with this is difficult and hard to process. You'll likely have to go through your own grieving process and this won't clear up with a bottle of prozac and an hour a week in my office. He _took_ something from you, your sanity, years of your life-"

"I mean, if someone rapes you, they don't make sure you have a roof over your head and running water in the middle of goddamn nowhere!" Tonks said defensively. "He provided for us, hell, he protected us from the other werewolves. I'm not saying he wasn't a shit person when he wasn't having me do all these... nasty, awful things, but... he _protected us_. It was my fault for stepping out of line!"

The counselor listened and wrote something down. She let Tonks cry through her thinking process. "What sort of things would he have you do? Can you tell me?"

Tonks tried to regain her composure. "He... first he used magic. Then he used his bare hands on me. I took his hits instead of Teddy, at first. He'd slap him around or push him around, but it was me who got the brunt of it... It started with touching, you know, you've probably heard it a million times. He... would have me... I would... you know, touch him... Then he started touching me... He would say these _awful things..._ He'd make me say things back to him while we were... when he was..."

"Do you remember any of them?"

That felt like a stupid question. Tonks nodded. "'I bet you like that... or when I do that...' and then he'd say, 'now tell me that you like...' and if I didn't say it right, I'd have to say it again and again, like he needed some sick kind of reassurance."

"He was conditioning you." The counselor remarked. "I bet it got to a point that... it became second nature to compliment or feed into him, yes?"

Tonks nodded quietly.

"If you were bad, did he take away that roof over your head of that running water?"

Tonks nodded again. "Or he would... withhold money for groceries. Or hurt me."

"He manipulated you so that he could use you for your body."

"I mean, he wasn't hitting me or holding me down when we had sex. I got into bed with my own two feet, you know? I put towels down for him. I went out of my way for him. How could he have... Sure, I didn't _like it,_ but it's my fault for letting him do stuff to me." Tonks was in tears again and already on her fourth tissue.

"None of this is your fault. Okay? You couldn't have prevented being kidnapped. You couldn't have stopped him from hurting you because you believed you were taking the lesser of two evils. You had a son to protect." The woman explained. "Your options were to open your legs or risk the chance of having the most precious person in your life be killed, and you had to pick. No one's blaming you for any of this."

"He hurt Teddy anyways... _he bit him..."_ Tonks murmured. "I didn't stop him... I got caught shoplifting and my stuff got stolen and I was held up, but I couldn't protect him... I was there the night that man from the Prophet was murdered, too. I raided his fridge because I was being goddamn _selfish!"_

"You were trying to _survive."_ The woman said. "In that moment, it was you or him and you knew your son needed his mother. I'm absolutely convinced he's the reason you're sitting here today, yes?"

Tonks nodded.

"Let's talk about him."

"His name's Teddy. He was... he was born in April of '98 and we got taken that May. He's um... he can morph, just like I can, but I suppressed him so that he could have a better chance. Now he can't do it."

"Is that why you do not morph anymore, either?"

"Mine's the depression." Tonks said bluntly, pointing to her hair. "Greyback's picked women who had other werewolves' children, I think. That's why I got picked. That's why Alexandra got picked... god, she's still out there, you know? Who _knows_ what he could be doing to her right now?"

"Let's not focus on things we have no control over. Let's focus on the now." Tonks felt the edges of her lips twinge with a smile. Not a genuine one, but the therapist had motivational posters hanging up and one behind her by the door said just that. Tonks imagined her reading off the various posters to give patients advice. Maybe that's all she needed to get her degree. "What do you have control over right now?"

"I don't know." Tonks replied.

"Let's see... how about your work? I know you aren't employed at the moment, but can't you control how much effort you put into things? I know that can be difficult at times, but just putting small amount of effort into your daily tasks can be helpful." Tonks sort of zoned out halfway through the woman's spiel. "You can control whether or not you get out of bed. You chose to come here today. You can choose how much time you spend with your son. How much time you spend surrounding yourself with other people."

Tonks nodded in vague agreement. It wasn't like she had a choice.

It was dark outside, but the light inside the Burrow flooded onto the ground in warm yellow glows. Tonks had her hand firmly placed on her son's shoulder. Both were trying not to puke from disapperating. Somehow, Teddy was being more successful.

Tonks tried to regain her composure she couldn't imagine what Molly was opening the door to when she welcomed them into her kitchen. Teddy, the ghost of a lively boy that wasn't meant to exist. And her, a straight walking corpse.

"My goodness," Molly sighed, taking Tonks into her arms. She didn't say anything for a long time. Tonks could tell that she was crying. Her mouth had been dry since they arrived back into civilization from all the tears she had shed. The woman gently clasped her on the sides of her face, kissing both of her cheeks. "You two hurry on inside, dinner's already on the table and we're about to be eating. You both look like you could use a good meal or two, still. Andromeda, are you not feeding them enough?"

Andromeda laughed. "Short of going the the grocery every other day." The two women laughed.

Teddy clung tightly to his mother's leg. "That's just Molly. She's good, I promise." Tonks thought for a second. "Actually, you should call her Mrs. Weasley. That's her married name."

"Mrs. Wheezy?" The boy inquired.

 _"Weasl-"_

"It's alright, Tonks. I'm perfectly content being 'Grandma Wheezy'. That's what Victoire says anyways." Molly said.

"Victoire?"

"Bill and Fleur's little girl." Arthur said, coming into the kitchen. "They have another, Dominique, but she's just now learning to talk."

"Wow." Tonks said. "Yeah, okay, Teddy, see that's _Mr. Weasley._ "

"Mr. Wheezy." Teddy repeated.

 _"No."_

"Yes." The boy gave a playful smirk. His mother couldn't help but smile.

"Tonks? Is that really you?" A woman's voice said, emerging from the living room sofa with another person.

"Ginny? My god, look at how you've grown up!" Tonks tried to break free from her son to get a hug from her old friend, but Teddy refused to break up. "Here, Teddy, come on, it'll be okay." She scooped up the boy in her arms and put him on her hip.

"No, thanks." He mumbled, hiding his face in her hair.

"We're being a bit shy today." His mother said. "Doubt we've been in a room with this many strangers since the hospital."

"How are you, Teddy?" A man's voice asked.

Tonks shook her head. "I thought this might happen eventually... He was fine last night with Remus and us and Dad..." The boy groaned uncomfortably and Tonks had to break off. "Thanks for asking, Harry. We're doing a lot better. Just... adjusting. Here, come on, let's step outside."

She took the boy outside the door, but she couldn't bring herself to shut it all the way. She felt awful for the heat and the bugs being let in the house, but there was some terrible gut feeling about something a lot worse than bugs being outside in the large fields that surrounded the property.

"Is he... going to be okay?" Harry asked. "Do you want me to come outside with you?"

"Have you got a wand?" He nodded. "Do you know how to use it?" He didn't think now was the time to bring up the fact that he was already an instated auror.

"I'm sure he'll make it through dinner." Tonks replied, walking outside with Harry. "He's not crying, just overstimulated by all this. He's trying to process, say, six new things that he's learned about in the past week." She whispered to him.

The boy let out a sad whine.

"Heard you and Ginny got hitched, huh?" She tried to change the subject, rocking her child back and forth.

"Yeah," He chuckled.

"Teddy, I know I didn't tell you about these people all that much," Tonks explained "But Harry and Ginny are your godparents. Well, I know that doesn't mean much to you, but it means they're good family friends of ours. Their job is to help take care of you."

"No!" The boy declared in a frightful tone.

"I get it." Harry said softly to Tonks. "Seriously. Stranger Danger."

She kissed the boy's head. Now he was crying incoherently into her shirt. "I know, baby." Tonks wanted to tell Harry to go ahead and start dinner, but she couldn't let go of the nagging imaginary eyes that studied her every move from the lurking shadow of the fields.


	15. XVI

**AN: I'm sure you have a lot of questions right now. "Why are you writing so much?" "Why do you keep updating?" "Are you okay?" "Have you been outside lately?" "This is really dark, where are you going with this?" "Why is this nothing like After May?" "Can you, like... chill?"** **I'm bored.** **Lowkey, I'm lonely, too.** **Probably.** **I had to look up a picture of a tree today so I could keep myself grounded.** **Dunno. There's going to be some drama, probably.** **This is the satanic, evil twin that escaped the womb along with After May. Whenever I write something happy and fluffy over there, this alternate universe equivalent takes a hit.**

 **No.**

Tonks had places to go and people to apologize too and at the very least, it distracted her from the two different letters Remus had sent via owl. Finally, she had her hands on her own money. That morning, her father had taken her to the convenience store where she had been found. Walking in, she asked the cashier for the bill that she owed due to shoplifting. He told her he had forgotten it after the police gave him a brief (muggal-ized) version of the story. She left him the money to wipe up the debt anways.

She walked up the familiar steps of ththe flat and knocked on the door. And old woman cautiously answered the door. "May I help you?"

"Hi," Tonks sighed. "My name is Dora Tonks. I'm um, I'm not sure if you know who I am, I was in the paper-"

The woman had already started shutting the door. "No solicitations, please, I'm very sorry-"

"Wait!" Tonks gasped, trying to catch the door. "I know who murdered your husband!"

The old woman paused. "Excuse me?"

"My name is Nymphadora Tonks, please, listen to me for just a second. I was apart of the group that came to your house the night your husband died." She explained quickly. "I had nothing to do with it. They are terrible people and I had no association with them, I swear! I was a witness and I'm testifying against them in court, if you could just hear me out-"

The woman's face contorted angrily. "You-you werewolf bastards, I ought to-"

"Hear me out," Tonks pleaded. "I had nothing to do with what happened to your husband, Mrs. Hayward. I was as much as a victim as you were." The woman's beady eyes cut into her. "I was a prisoner of war, Mrs. Hayward. I... I was the one who took your food and medical supplies, not the one who went into your bedroom."

"And what exactly do you want with me?" The woman demanded.

"Peace." Tonks explained. "It's... I know I can't make up what happened to you, but I've... I've been taken from, just like you have." She dug through her pockets and pulled out and envelop. "It's not much. It's a bit from my old savings account before it got liquidated. It's to cover the food and supplies and then some. I know it won't bring your husband back, but you need it more than I do-"

The woman yanked the money out of her hand and slammed the door in her face, audibly deadbolting it. Tonks had to make a walk of shame back to her father's car. So much for regaining control over her life.

"I assume it didn't go well?" He remarked. "I thought you being women, maybe you'd sit around and have some heartfelt discussion over tea or something."

"Dad, seriously, I'd appreciate it if you kept the sexist comments to a minimum." She snapped. "Especially around my son."

"Oh C'mon, Dor, I didn't mean it like that." Ted sighed. "Did she at least take the money?"

"Snatched it out of my hand and slammed the door in my face."

Ted glanced over at her as they pulling out of the parking lot. "I mean really, what were you expecting to happen?"

Tonks had yet to get a wand. It hadn't taken her long to figure you that the "Cleverly" that wrote the Prophet article on her was the same on engaged to Remus. She thought her intentions had to be good, but the result had sent a small shockwave through the news. Tonks had no idea how sensationalized the werewolf attacks had become or how much it dominated the news. Her story broke and suddenly letters upon letters for interviews were sent. Currently, all they were doing was taking up counter space in the kitchen. They collectively decided that the aurors and therapists needed the information before the general public did.

Her first meeting with Cleverly was an all-day nerve wracking affair. Every dinner felt like some new adventure for them. Somehow, it was less upsetting to find out that she wouldn't be going back to the place she was taken from. She was nearly suffocated upon their meeting, but not exactly in the way she had anticipated.

"I'm so sorry." Tonks swore she heard her mumble while her face was buried in her shoulder. She didn't expect Cleverly to start apologizing, nor did she expect her to start crying.

Tonks was becoming irritated and flustered. "Stop, it's just-" She could barely get a word in. She was tired of having strangers apologize to her.

Teddy was confused when he found out. He didn't understand that this meant they weren't moving in with his father. He didn't understand that his parents weren't talking or acting the way he had anticipated. His mother had insisted on not letting them cook dinner by themselves, but everytime she turned around, Cleverly kept her from peeling potatos or cutting up onions.

"I... I've got it." Tonks softly insisted. "I can do this. It's okay."

"Are you sure? You don't have to. I'm serious." Cleverly continued to chide. "I mean, we've got two sets on hands and wands, and you're company."

"Yeah, I'm good." Tonks just focused on the vegetables and kept chopping.

Remus, who had his back to the commotion, turned and touched her shoulder to tell her to stop. "Please be careful, though, I just sharpened the knives." Cleverly threw in.

Somehow, that warning felt more like a threat.

"I think I've got it, if you could just hand me the bowl you're using." Cleverly turned and handed her the bowl and she scraped the vegetables into it. "Thanks."

"No problem." Cleverly replied. "Thank you for helping."

Tonks gave an awkward shrug and walked over to the kitchen table where Teddy was. "Hey, bud, doing alright over here?"

"Yeah." He said simply. Recently, he had developed an obsession with art. His grandfather had realized that he had never seen a crayon before and opted to buy him a package of colours (the biggest variety pack he could find, mind you) and some colouring sheets. This wasn't the most practical thing since Teddy didn't have a photographic memory nor much reference as to what things were, but the this he created were unique to say the least. He could remember that elephants were grey, but not that they didn't have blue toes, or that monkeys weren't pink or any vague idea about horses. He had surprisingly neat line work and paid attention to detail, making it all the more amusing to his mother.

"What've you got there?" She asked.

He squinted at the word. "It's a... i... gene... you."

"Iguana." She read the name at the bottom.

He looked at his work skeptically. "What colour are they supposed to be?"

His mother tilted her head. "I would say typically yellow or green, probably."

Teddy stared at the black iguana. "Oh."

His mother shook her head. "Black's okay. It could be a magical iguana, maybe one that got charmed? Or maybe you can pretend it's one of those black lizards we had back at camp."

He flipped a few pages in the book. "And what's that?"

"That's a giraffe. They're yellow with brown spots." She informed him, giving him a quick kiss on the top of hhis head before standing up.

"Wait," He ushered for her to come close so that he could whisper something. "Can I make a drawing for Daddy?"

Tonks smiled. "Sure you can. I think he'd love that."

"What should I do?" Teddy asked.

"Tell you what, you can go ask him what his favourite animal is. I'm sure he'll tell you." She said encouragingly.

"Can you ask?"

"Come on, don't be afraid of him, okay?" She got up from the table and went about helping with the next task Cleverly had begrudgingly told her to do.

Teddy shyly picked himself up from the table and wandered into where the adults were cooking. Remus turned and saw the boy, and smiled encouragingly. "Hey, Teddy Bear. What do you know?"

Teddy didn't catch on. "I dunno. I'm still learning a lot of stuff." He replied simply.

Remus nodded. "That's always good. Have you got anything for me?"

"What's your favourite animal?" The boy inquired.

His father gave it a moment of thought. "I dunno, I like a lot of animals. I'm not sure I could pick a favourite. Why?"

Teddy's face turned an embarrassed pink. "I wanted to colour you an animal."

"Ohh." Remus smiled. "I'll be happy with whatever you colour for me."

Teddy became pensive. "Okay..." He retreated to the kitchen table. His mother quickly rushed over and fed him an idea to work with. He returned seconds later with his entire box of crayons. "What's your favourite colour?"

Remus turned and knelt down to be beside the boy. He picked out several colours and carefully examining them before handing the boy a particular shade of hot pink. "I bet you didn't know this, but your mum used to hair just like this."

"Tickle Me Pink?" The boy asked. "How did she get it pink?"

"She can change her looks, you know. She can turn into just about anything." Remus explained, his eyes glancing over to the woman in question.

"Can you still do it?" Teddy begged.

"I can't." Tonks said somberly. "I mean, I could, I'm sure. But I don't have enough energy to do it."

"Did you know that you can do it? If you focus hard enough, I'm sure you could make your hair pink, too." Remus mustered.

Teddy paused to think. "Mummy, how many potatoes would you have to eat to get your energy back? Grandma said potatoes are good for energy. Maybe if you show me the magic, I can make my hair pink, too."

"I'm pretty sure that many potatoes would kill me." Tonks said dryly. "Not the worst way to go, I suppose."

The three adults tried to talk, but all their conversations felt like forced small talk. They danced around topics because it seemed like everything led back to camp. It seemd like that all of Tonks's memories formed around those five years, even ones where Teddy was just being a boy and making her laugh. She refused to share those stories because she didn't want to dampen their evening. On the other hand, Cleverly and Remus were dancing around the engagement. It was as if there was an unspoken rule about not flirting or having any sort of unnecessary physical contact with one another. They would hardly as much as compliment eat other or say an overly polite thank you. Everyone was on eggshells.

They finally sat down to eat when Teddy revealed his drawing.

Remus looked at carefully. "Here, let's see..." It was an intricate picture of a lion. The body and face was a peachy color, but his mane was separated into rainbow strains. Teddy had drawn in a crude forest behind it. In the corner of the page, his name was scrawled. His father turned to him and smiled proudly. "It's absolutely wonderful!"

"Do you seriously mean it?" Teddy gushed.

"I do seriously mean it!" Remus held the drawing up to his chest. "I love it, Teddy. This is... this is probably the best gift I've ever been given." He bolstered. For the first time since the day his son was born, he felt such an immensely powerful feeling of pride and love.

Tonks and Cleverly both picked up on his adoration for the child in different ways. Tonks felt a pit of grief filling her stomach, tearing at her and reminding her how close she had been to having a normal life. Cleverly, on the other hand, felt a similar pit of grief in her stomach, reminding her that she would never be the one to make him a father or would never be able to be significant in the same way that Tonks was.

"Dora, I know Remus already told you, but if you and Teddy want to stay with us, we have more than enough space here." Cleverly turned to the other woman. "He told me what happened to Teddy and we agreed that it could be beneficial for him to be acclimated with both of you."

Tonks shook her head. "I'm sorry, but it's just not safe for us yet."

"And we understand that. We were discussing a fidelius charm, but we're worried for Teddy's safety and wellbeing, at least during the full moons." Cleverly's eyes softened. "You don't have to. We just want to help you."

Tonks took a nervous and hurried mouthful of mashed potatoes. She took a moment to swallow and consider. "I'll... I agree. Just not right now."

Teddy's nightmares were progressively getting to the point where he wouldn't let himself sleep, thus keeping his mother awake. Once a week or so, she would have to get up and change the bedsheets. She sat him in the bathroom to clean him up and change his clothes.

Tonks had to bravely navigate the long upstairs hallway to the utility closet to get new bedsheets with only a battery-powered torch when she heard footsteps walking towards her. They were heavy, much heavier than anything her son could manage. She froze with fear, her finger wrapped around the side of the door. Neither of them said anything. She pulled the door towards her and swung it back at the person as they closed in on her, sending them cursing and stumbling backwards. It was a man.

She got to the light switch first. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

He was writhing in pain. "Ah- Merlin's beard!" It was the auror, clutching his face in the middle of the hallway.

Footsteps came running, Ted and Andromeda were awake. "What's wrong? What's going on?" Ted asked, his wand drawn.

"I'm so sorry..." Tonks kept saying over and over, her hands still clasped over her mouth.

"It's fine! I'm fine!" The auror replied. "I scared her is all, but I'm okay!"

Andromeda and Ted turned to their daughter. "I'm fine, too." She threw in quickly. At least she didn't have that kitchen knife she had stolen from her parents that she kept on the bedside table.


	16. XVII

The two were setting in comfortably at the Tonks' household. Suddenly, they had more than a couple knuts and the clothes on their backs to their names. Teddy was excitedly learning about all sorts of things. He even decided to make a list of them, but he couldn't quite count them all. He learned about the different continents and some of the different countries that were on them, chess, broomsticks and quidditch, soft serve ice cream, and about all sorts of animals, ranging from alligators to walruses. He found out about how money worked and how to count it and what make up was. He learned about pizza and card games he had never heard of before and his mother's obsession with 80's muggle music.

Teddy's second full moon came before he knew it. "I know this must be really scary." His father frowned. He was stirring a tall, steaming cauldron that was sitting on the countertop. In the other room, Cleverly was hunched over an article, insisting that no one bother her until she was done. "It's going to be okay. It's going to hurt a lot, but I take special medicine to help with that."

Teddy felt sick and only one question seemed to be bothering him. "Do I have to get in the bathtub?"

Remus was trying to listen, but was finding it difficult to interact with an ill child that was mumbling in a low voice. "What about the bathtub?" This new parenting thing was going to take getting used to.

"Last time I had to stay in the bathtub." Teddy complained.

"No, you don't have to get in the bathtub." Remus assured. He wasn't sure how serious he was being. "We're going somewhere else."

"Where are we going?"

"We have a room downstairs." He told the boy. "We don't typically use it. It has special charms on it and the walls are thick enough that it muffles the noise and blocks us inside. We stay in, and no one else come in until morning."

"How often do we have to go down there?"

"Only once a month." Remus said. "You don't ever have to go back there during the rest of the month. Just for one night ever month."

"Forever?"

"Maybe not forever." Remus confirmed. "When you grow up, you'll have your own basement to go to."

Teddy nodded. "Will it hurt as much as it did last time?"

"It shouldn't, but it will probably still hurt a lot." Remus was drawing out two glasses from the pantry. "Your potion has a painkiller in it."

"Yours doesn't?" The boy questioned.

Remus cursed that he was too clever. He didn't need his own child feeling sorry for him. "My potion is a bit different."

"Why?"

"Well, I'm a bit worried that my potion will be too strong for you and I don't want you to have to go back to the hospital." His father said. "But your potion will help just as much, I'm sure."

Remus grabbed the two potions. "Do you want to go say goodnight to your mum?"

The boy skipped over to his mother and hugged her legs. "Goodbye! I love you!" He exclaimed.

"I love you more!" Tonks laughed, squeezing her son in a tight hug. "You better go with your dad."

Remus smiled to her and showed the boy the downstairs area. It wasn't completely desolate or unoccupied. It was a cozy second living room with both Remus's and Cleverly's work stuff on desks. It was a small library on one wall. Teddy tried to remember to ask his father to let him look at all of his books. Beside the bathroom, there was a small room, smaller than the guest bedroom. There was a mattress on the floor with a couple of pillows and a blanket. There was a high up window that saw out to the front yard that Teddy couldn't quite reach.

"So I'm sure this is... I know this might be strange, but you probably won't want your new clothes to get torn up when you change." Remus said. "After you take your potion, I'm going to run upstairs and you can undress. I won't look at you or anything else like that. I promise, I'm not going to hurt you. The potion's going to make you sleepy, so you can lay down if you'd like and there's a blanket so you can cover up, I just don't want your mum yelling at me for ruining your new clothes."

Teddy agreed and took his potion. "Okie dokie." He laughed when his father pulled a disgusted face at his own potion.

"I'll see you then." Remus turned and left to give him privacy. He came up from the basement. For a second, he paused on the top step to rub the side of his leg. His own body knew the moon was coming soon.

"Everything alright?" Cleverly asked, not looking up from her stack of papers. "Leg cramp?"

"I'm good." Remus remarked, pecking her on the cheek. She sort of waved her hand at him.

"Is he okay?" Tonks asked nervously, sitting up from the couch. She was not fond of being in the passenger position in the situation. "Is he going to be okay with just you tonight?"

"He should be fine." Remus assured. "He's already asleep."

"Asleep?"

"He might wake up when the sun sets, but he probably won't remember it and he'll fall right back asleep." He explained. She looked doubtful. "Sleeping potion with pain potions mixed in."

 _"You mixed potions-"_

"It's safe." He quickly threw in. "I promise. I read all about it. I wouldn't throw some stuff in a cauldron and give to anyone, especially a child. He's going to be okay."

Tonks huffed. "You're keeping a close eye on him, right?"

"Of course. I'll take care of him, Dora." He put his hand on her shoulder and for the first time since she came back, they were actually going out of their way to make physical contact. This quickly became painfully obvious and he withdrew himself awkwardly.

"I know you'll be fine." Tonks said. "I'm sorry if I seem like I'm being picky. I know you two will be fine."

"You're entrusting his safety with me and you have no control over it." He pointed out. "I'm going to take good care of him. I won't let him hurt himself. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, but it's going to be okay."

"He looks up to you." She admitted softly. "I don't know if you've caught on. And I want to say thank you. You've... gone above and beyond my expectations."

"How low are your expectations?" Remus joked.

"I mean, you've gotten his clothes, his toys, you didn't have to do all that." She replied. "We weren't expecting anything. You didn't have to be so... open to him."

"I know I didn't have to. I wanted to." He replied. "I've told you, I want to be apart of his life. And yours."

"And I appreciate it." She said. "I... guess I better head out."

"You can stay in the guest room, you know."

"I can't. My parents are expecting me back." She began stumbling over her words as she pointed out behind her towards the door. "Mum's already working on dinner and the auror's going to come over."

He nodded. "You're looking better already. I didn't say that earlier." Remus remarked. His face flushed. "I didn't mean it like that, you just... you look better than when you first turned up. _Healthier._ Your face actually has colour it it. Not that you looked bad before, I meant-"

"Remind me again how you managed to smooth talk Cleverly into this mess?" Tonks teased.

"I think she was the one doing the smooth talking." He laughed nervously.

"Well that makes all the sense in the world." She titled her head, trying to read his expression. "I'll leave you to it, then." I'm confident tonight's going to be fine so I'll get out of your hair." In the second just before she walked out the door, she turned and hugged him. He hugged her back, tightly squeezing her. They stood in the doorway, spending longer than either had anticipated, waiting for the other to let go first. It seemed like the perfect moment for confessions, but neither spoke up.

Tonks finally had to break herself away. His hand brushed past her hair, their hands still resting on each other. "I think brown looks quite good on you." He said quietly.

She looked down at her shoulder, touching her hair. "Oh, thanks. And what time should I come back tomorrow?"

"Whenever you want." Remus smiled. "We can have breakfast ready if you want to sleep in."

"I might have to take you up on that." Tonks nodded briefly. "See you later, then."

He waved and shut the door behind her. He felt incredibly stupid afterwards. What was he thinking, being so embarrassing? Remus felt foolish, caught up in some fascination with her. He had missed her so much, it was like he had a staring problem whenever she came around.

Remus prayed Teddy really was asleep. It was a fairly normal practice of his to undress before the sun set, simply to prevent ruining his clothes every month even with his potion, but it still felt weird. It _all_ felt weird. He kept his distance from the boy.

The sun set. Teddy seemed to be half-conscious when it did. In a similar fashion, their bones changed and popped in amd out of place. Muscles and tendons stretched, twisted and burned with grunts and growls. Hair sprouted and nails grew where human features once were. Soon enough, there were no longer human beings in the room, but a full grown werewolf and a small pup.

Teddy stirred, still asleep, but he was no longer _really_ Teddy. Remus still felt like Remus after the wolfsbane, but he could tell the sleeping pup was a full wolf now. Remus padded across the floor to Teddy, who was whining and crying in pain. Remus laid down beside him and nudged his with his nose. In a strange way, Teddy recognized him not as Remus, but instinctively as his father. His small muzzle curiously sniffed at his neck. The large wolf bent his neck, licking the top on his head and the smaller one let him, comforted by his presence. It took him a while, but in between his own fits of sleep, Teddy barked at his father when he was sleeping to get his father to play or give him attention.

Sunrise came more painfully to Remus than nightfall. Teddy was so tired, he didn't get out of bed. His father threw on his clothes, made sure Teddy was mostly okay, and made his way to the bathroom.

Remus had to constantly remind himself that he was not only dealing with a child, but one who had just found out in the past few months that the entire world was an ocean compared to the droplet of water he had known. He seemed to only have half-understandings of the things he did know. Personal space with other people was very grey.

Remus helped dress the boy in his pajamas and announced he was going to take a bath. He was nearly terrified to turn on his heels and find a five year old right behind him.

"Can I help you?" Remus inquired, already most of the way naked. "Do you need something?"

Teddy shook his head. "Where's Clary?"

"She not awake yet, I think." He remarked. "Are you... is something wrong?"

The boy shook his head. "When's Mum coming back?"

"She didn't give me a time." Remus said simply. "Um, are you... going to leave?"

"Do I have to?" Teddy wondered. "I don't want to be alone."

His father sighed, realizing all of the terrible, awkward questions he would have to answer. "I suppose you don't have to." He replied. "Does your mother take baths with you?"

"Sometimes." Teddy shrugged. "Mum let's me take baths with her if she says it okay. Not always. Is it okay with you?"

Remus thought for a moment. "Oh, sure. We wouldn't want to send you home dirty to your mum." The bath wasn't as painfully awkward or embarrassing as he had anticipated. Teddy was wound up, talking and chattering about anything he could think of.

"You have a bite just like mine!" Teddy remarked, holding out his arm.

Remus looked down at his own arm, holding it out to the boy. "I do, don't I? It's almost identical to yours, actually..." He didn't think the boy needed to know that the same mouth gave them their bites.

Cleverly had gone in such a hurry she forgot to take her lunch. She left a note on the kitchen table which indicated something important had happened and she needed to report on it. Whether this meant another werewolf attack or a politician doing something stupid, Remus hoped it was the latter (he was a simple man with simple political view, but he did enjoy an occasional story on someone getting caught somewhere with their trousers down).

Teddy had just started helping him make pancake batter when there was a furious knock on the door. Immediately upon seeing the bad parking job in the driveway, Remus knew it was Tonks. He felt bad for her, in a way, full preparing a speech on how Teddy was okay to calm her down. He opened the door.

"Dora, everything's fine. Teddy's-"

She cut him off. Her eyes were red from crying. "They caught him."


	17. XVIII

"They caught him." Tonks sounded out of breath. Tear stains streaked down her face and she looked as if she had lacked much sleep from the night before. It wasn't like Remus was looking much better.

"Caught who?" Teddy asked, appearing behind his father. "Caught who?"

"Merlin's beard, Dora!" Remus wasn't sure if he was the one who picked her up or if was she jumped up, throwing her arms around him. "What happened? What did I miss? What do you know?"

"You won't believe it." She said into his chest. "They got him last night during a planned attack. Turns out, it was a setup the whole time and they had the entire Ministry on the lookout. I mean, what were you expecting?"

"I don't know." He replied, holding onto her head. For a moment, he discarded her clumsiness "Keep going. What happened?"

"They've got four people and he was one of them. They're in custody. They'll be awaiting trial."

 _Only four?_ Remus thought. "Who were the other three? Do you know?"

"No clue off the top of my head. The paper's coming soon, right? They'll have their perp walks and mugshots and all that, I think." Her eyes shifted to a more serious expression.

"Do you happen to know what happened to the others?" Remus's expression became uncomfortable.

"There were... there were a lot of bodies. I don't know who got away and who arrested. I'm sure they'll be taking informants from the ones they did caught. Lower the sentences to insure he never gets out..."

"This is honestly the most wonderful news I've ever heard." Remus said. Then the thought struck him. "Are you going to be able to testify against him?"

"Be _able to?"_ Tonks looked at with with astonishment. "You think I _don't_ have solid evidence against him? Are you insane?"

"That's not what I meant." He quickly replied. "I meant... physically. Will you be abable to sit in the same room as him? To be able to talk to him and have him talk to you?"

"I mean, it- I was... I don't think I couldn't." There was a disconnection in her voice.

"You don't have to go in and face him." Remus assure. "You can ask-demand to be-as far away from him as possible. I can go with you. I can hold your hand the entire time if you need me there."

"That's really sweet of you." She remarked, trying to smile. "Really, you're great, but I'm not sure if I'll need it-"

 _"Who got caught?"_ Teddy whined.

Tonks finally pulled away from their hug. "Teddy, for crying out loud, you know who got caught." Her harshness caught him off guard. "Sorry- I didn't mean to sound mean." She apologized, turning to give the boy her full attention. She gave him a big hug.

"It's okay." Teddy replied. "So... Mister Greyback is going to prison?"

Tonks cringed. "Well, he's _in_ prison, they just have to determine how long for."

"What happens when he gets out?"

"If we're lucky," His mother said. "he won't."

"What do you mean? He stays there forever?"

Tonks had to pause to think. "We probably need to talk about what could happen when he gets sentenced."

"What do you mean?"

"Teddy, this may seem scary to think about," Remus joined in. "but this is a punishment they only give to really _bad_ people. And they may... the court may decide to have him executed. If not, he will likely be staying in prison until he dies."

"What do you mean?" Teddy asked, confused and frightened.

"He did a lot of bad things." Tonks said. "He can't continue to do them and he needs to be stopped. He needs to be punished. And maybe it would be better if they had him killed."

Remus watched her expression closely. Back in her days at the Order, she had not been one to propose or be a proponent for the death penalty. Even so, she advocated the Ministry's usage of killing curses or poisons opposed to the dementor's kiss. This had actually caused heated debates among the members, which always seemed to go on but never came to any moral conclusion. Remus just hoped she wasn't going to get a wild idea that she should be the one to go out and put the curse on him herself.

"They wouldn't give him a sentence he didn't deserve." She continued. "They don't just have people killed or locked away for the rest of their lives unless they're truly awful, _dreadful_ people."

"We aren't trying to scare you, Teddy, we're trying to prepare you." Remus tried to comfort. _Why_ was it so much easier to talk to kids that weren't his own?

"So... he's going to die." Teddy remarked.

"Possibly." His mother told him. "This is a very serious matter, Teddy. We really aren't trying to frighten you, just prepare you for-"

There was a distorted _popping_ noise. In the front yard, Cleverly materialized. "Remus," She sighed. She was tired looked and disheaveled, half dressed with her formal work clothes as if she had dressed in the dark the night before. "You're not dead, are you?"

"Any news?" Remus asked her, putting his arm around her. The two of them kissed.

Teddy turned to his mother and scrunched up his nose. "Ew."

"Yeah," Tonks sighed, looking over at the couple. She turned back to him and matched his expression. "Ew." Teddy seemed to be handling the engagement in a better way than what his mother anticipated, but the idea of an "extra mum" wasn't sticking with him. This implied an "extra dad" just as much and Teddy was catching on to the fact that that would include losing what attention wasn't already taken up at the almost nightly family dinners.

Cleverly took a deep breath and began. "Greyback, he was-"

"Arrested, yeah." Tonks replied. "They got in touch with me."

"Well then you don't know any more than us." Cleverly let out the air she was holding. She went over to the other woman and helped her to her feet, giving her another suffocating hug. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, 'm great." Tonks replied, the air being squeezed out of her lungs.

Cleverly loosened her hug, but didn't release her entirely. "How was last night?" She asked, looking over to her fiance.

"Good." He nodded. "It went well."

Teddy awkwardly held close to his mother, trying to watch Cleverly without her noticing.

"Are _you_ okay, Teddy?" Cleverly wondered.

He nodded, hiding his face in his mother's clothes. "He's fine, I think." She replied. Tonks suddenly felt guilty for not giving him her full and immediate attention. "Aren't you?" He nodded.

"We were just starting on breakfast." Remus piped up. "I was hoping you would be able to join us."

"Can we, can we?" Teddy begged.

"Of course we're staying." Tonks became more somber as Remus put his arm around Clerely's waist and led them inside. Tonks clung to her son in a caring manner, but she knew somehow she was trying to fill a hole inside of her with something.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Cleverly asked, with no person in mind.

"Some." Tonks chimed. "You?"

"No, but I'm not going in today, so I'll be okay." Cleverly smiled.

Remus was trying to break eggs into a pan, but hadn't realized how messy he was going on about it. He was trying to roll his sleeves up with his elbows with a struggle. Cleverly turned and chuckled. "Here, love," She smiled, trying to roll up his right sleeve. "You look like you need some help?"

Tonks glanced over her shoulder and smiled. She walked across from the sink to him and began rolling his other sleeve up. "Honestly, what would you ever do without us?"

"Thank you, both of you." Remus nodded. There was a pause where the two women exchanged looks. Neither seemed anger, but they each had a kind expression. After a moment, Remus felt sort of uncomfortable being so close to both of them yet let alone with his thoughts.

He had too many thoughts, some about how he had never expected Tonks to come home or planned for it. What was he supposed to feel when he looked at them? Did he still love his wife? Did he still love his fiancee? Was he not supposed to have feelings for either of them? Even a month later, he didn't understand how he was supposed to act. He didn't want to overreact, but now he felt that dragging his feet to react and he was running out of time.

Cleverly patted his shoulder and smiled. "Thank god, too. What's the saying? 'Behind every good man is an even better woman'. Perhaps you just needed two." Tonks rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure who Cleverly jovially winked at.

"Does this mean we can stay here?" Teddy asked his mother, clinging to her leg again.

"Hey, love," Tonks said. "I don't know. You two haven't schedualed the wedding yet, have you? I'm asking because I don't exactly want to dampen your honeymoon."

"No." Cleverly remarked.

"What's a honeymoon?" Teddy wondered.

"A post-wedding vacation." Tonks replied.

"What does post-wedding mean? And what's-"

"After you get married, sometimes you and your husband or wife go on a trip somewhere and take time off work." His mother explained.

"You all don't have a real home, though, right?" Cleverly demanded. "You're homeless with your son. We aren't going to let you live on the streets. Besides, he's Remus's son too. Why not share the space? You aren't dampening anything."

"Seriously, we've got my parents to go to." Tonks replied. "Plus, we can't stay forever."

"Until you can get back on your feet." The other woman said. "I mean, at least through the trials. Call me greedy, but if I were you, I would milk the Ministry for their money. Get your job back, if you like. Demand a new one. Who's going to stop you?"

"Exactly what I need. Angry taxpayers trying to put me on a stake." Tonks shook her head.

"A stake?" Teddy asked, stepping up onto his mother's toes.

"Back in the old days, they used to tie up witches on these long wooden poles called stakes and set them on fire to kill them for being witches." His mother said.

"Wizards too?"

"I'm sure some wizards got burned."

Teddy considered this. "Can we put Mister Greyback on a stake?"

Both of his parents laughed, but Remus was subtle enough that only Cleverly noticed. "You're a sadistic little freak, and I love you for it." Tonks remarked, pinching his cheeks and playfully kissing his face.

"That sounds like a bad word." Teddy said, uncertain on how much she was joking. "I can't say that?"

"Probably shouldn't." She scolded herself mentally. Being around adults so much was beginning to affect her language. She caught herself trying to mother Harry Potter and now she was using words like "sadistic" in front of her son. At least Harry mumbled a "yes ma'am and did what she asked. "Means you're crazy. Should've just said that instead, I suppose." She told him. "No, we have to be ethical. That means that even if you're doing something bad, you have to do the best bad possible... like, if someone has to die, they have to die quickly and painlessly."

"Oh." Teddy tilted his head. "Do we have to say goodbye to him?"

"Nope." His mother said. "In fact, you," Her finger bounced off the end of his nose. "are not going to see him again, dead or alive. I promised you, didn't I? No more lying."


	18. XIX

**AN: To all those comments begging me to get rid of Cleverly, I hope you understand I'm at a bit of a loss right now. I love the implication that Cleverly needs to be disposed of immediatelyWhat a bitch, honestly. Yet what am I supposed to do, kill her off?** **Remus stares awkwardly at the funeral director. "I'm sure your clientele isn't... you know... conventional, or anything, but I was hoping... you know, before you embalm her... could you please be sure she's dead?"** **The funeral director stared, unblinking. "Sir, believe me, I work with families on a daily basis who cope with grief in many different ways. And I can assure you that no living person is missing over half of their blood."** **Remus still looked skeptical. "Yes, but can you check again-"** **"Sir, she hasn't had a pulse in over twenty-four hours. I can assure you that she is dead. Would you like to look at the body again? She's... literally in a freezer right now."** **He shifted his weight uncomfortably, thinking. "I'm wondering... what is the typical procedure if someone isn't dead when they're put into a coffin?"** **"Sir-"** **"I'm very sorry for asking this, but also, do you all have a return policy?"** **"Sir, are you okay?"** **"All I'm wondering is that, if there's any possible implication that this could not be her or if she's not actually dead."** **"Sir, I'm calling the police."** **Anyways, now the good stuff.**

Tonks pressed her hand up against the barrier. It was see-through, stretching from ceiling to floor of the room and stuck to the walls like an airlock, splitting a table in two with a chair and a door on each side, and it looked as if purple electricity surged through it. She approached it carefully, expecting static to bite at her hand. Tonks had to keep reminding herself that she didn't have leg room and not to sit and kick at it under the table, but she couldn't soothe her restlessness. Instead, it felt solid enough that even through it wavered, no human being could throw themself hard enough at it to pierce the other side. Then again, she knew fewer human beings now than ever before.

Remus had every intention of following her into the cramped white room, but she stopped him from going any further. It was like saying goodbye to a body and she needed the peace of being alone. In a way she couldn't describe to him, she was saying goodbye to a body. Several, actually.

The aurors had his hands crossed over his chest and it looked as if they were attached to him through his clothes, like some brutal straight jacket.

"Lookie who the cat dragged in!" Greyback taunted, the two men struggling to sit him down in the chair across the table from her. He was smiling at her, but not in a way that made her feel welcome.

"Hello," She responded without even thinking. Why was he smiling?

"Did you know they got rid of the dementors back about four and a half years ago?" He said with a smug voice. Get out of my head, you freak. She didn't even know if he was inside of her head, if he ever was, or if she would ever truly know. "It's nice to see a pretty face around here."

"I will leave." Tonks announced, gripping the sides of her chair.

"No, you won't." He told her. Was she under some sort of imperius curse? She felt paralyzed either way. "Now let's have a chat, love."

"Let's not." She replied. "I didn't come to talk."

"Did you come to visit, then?" He smirked.

"I came to see if it was really you..." Her voice grew quiet.

"Flesh and bone." He told her. "Now, I'd like to address, since you're already here, some of your allegations against me."

"Allegations." Tonks said bluntly. "Which ones?"

Greyback leaned back in his chair. "You accused me of rape."

Tonks could feel words creep to the end of her tongue. No, I didn't the voice nagged. "And? What about it?"

"And I don't understand your point." He said bluntly. "Kidnapping, as well? Were you not able to leave? Is that not how you left? If I was kidnapping you, would I have let you leave my sight as much as I did?"

"You bit my son." Tonks spat.

"And you killed mine." He shot back.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, excuse you. And I can tell you that I not only witnessed it once, but had evidence that you did it more than once." Greyback remarked. His hands seemed to be struggling against the charm. "Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people?"

No. "What are you talking about?"

"I ain't going to sit here and pretend like I'm thy holiest of saints," Greyback said. "But to think that I trusted you? And you repaid me by lying?"

"What did I lie about?" Tonks demanded. "When did I ever accuse you of something you didn't do?"

"How can you look at me and tell me that you weren't the one who came to me, who put your hands on me, who fucked-"

"This is a warning, Greyback." An auror announced. "Ms. Tonks, if you want to leave, feel free to go at any time you need to."

"How could you say something like that?" Tonks pleaded. She couldn't pick herself out of her seat. "Why would you say something like that?" Her eyes welled up with tears.

"I wasn't holding you down when you-"

"Shut up!" She yelled. This time, she actually jumped to her feet, inches away from him with only the barrier keeping her from attacking him. "Shut up, you lying asshole!"

"Ms. Tonks," The auror brought her to a stop. "I'd like to ask you not to say anything you may regret in court."

"You know what, I'm done." Quite literally, she threw up her hands. "Visit's over." Tonks slid the chair up to the table. She turned back and pointed at the man who was getting dragged away by the guards. "Fuck you, asshole."

Tonks stopped crying by the time she got back to the lobby to get her wand, but Remus quickly picked up on what was going on. "I knew this was an awful idea." He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have let you come here."

"You're not stupid." She mumbled into his chest. "Don't say that."

Her words actually made him feel guilty. "I'm sorry." He carefully led her to one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room. "Sit down for a second, you look like you're going to collapse."

"You're not stupid." She repeated. "I'm stupid."

"Don't talk like that." He snapped. "You had to see him for yourself. This is closure."

"Closure?" Tonks asked. "He said I lied!"

The few people waiting for visitations looked around at them. "Now hang on, what did he say exactly?" Remus asked. "You know what, I lied. I don't want to know."

She shook her head, staring up at the florescent ceiling lights. "I am so fucking angry." She growled through gritted teeth. "I can't go back to the house yet, I need to cool down. I don't want Teddy to see me acting like this or he'll start acting out."

"Okay, okay, just take a deep breath, will you?" He asked. "You're holding your breath like your life depends on it. It's okay." She let out a deep sigh. "It's okay. You can be upset, and you have every right to be, but you have to let it out. You can't wait until you're on the edge of a breaking point to figure it out."

She had to take several more deep breaths. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Remus pressed.

"Yeah," Tonks sighed. "Can we still go somewhere? Anywhere, honestly. I just can't go home yet."

"You haven't eaten today, have you? That's probably why you're so faint."

"I was worried I'd puke on myself and look like a straight moron." Tonks tried to laugh. "Sounds a bit silly."

"It's a valid concern." Remus said lightly. He glanced at his watch. "If you're up for walking, we could make it towards Diagon Alley."

"Sure, sounds great."

"I know you're probably getting tired of knowing who's making lunch or dinner or who sent food."

"If you're implying that you're going to surprise me by getting me food made by a stranger, one, I'm pretty sure that's the most terrifying thing you've ever said to me to try and get me to go to lunch with you since we've met and two, I could literally eat an entire box of Bertie Bott's for lunch, so I hope you know I'm counting on you and whatever stranger is cooking."

Florean Fortescue's was fairing well today. Business was always good on hot summer days, especially withwith wizards and witches in heavy robes. Tonks couldn't bring herself to go up to the counter, sending Remus up for her, with instructions to "surprise her". Meanwhile she found a seat in a secluded shady corner where no one would bother them. She had the benefit of being unrecognizable to anyone who saw her; all of the newspaper photos depicted her as an almost unheard of new mother with bright pink hair.

Tonks was distractedly poking at her ice cream with a plastic spoon instead of eating. Instead, her eyes were fixed on Remus. It was certainly a creepy ritual she had developed, but an important one, to her, it seemed. More and more often, she caught herself stopping to stare at a person, not talking in a withdrawn way. From there, while the person is talking, she could scope a better assessment of their personality, their goals, their emotions...

Remus noticed and raised his eyebrows at her. "You aren't falling asleep, are you?"

"Huh?" She shook her head. "No, I'm awake, just... trying to read you."

"And what are you reading so far?" He inquired.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."

"Are you feeling any better?"

Tonks nodded and took a bite of her ice cream. Mint was one of her least favourite flavours, but upon telling him to surprise her, she had no liberty in telling him she hated. She sucked it up like she did everything else and even though she didn't love it, she was incredibly thankful. "The sugar's definitely rewiring my brain. Dopamine and all that..." She looked down at it. "It's been forever since I've eaten ice cream. Honestly, a pretty satisfactory experience, if I do say so myself."

"We ought to bring Teddy here sometime." Remus remarked. "Perhaps not tell him that that's all you had for lunch, but I think Diagon Alley will impress him."

"Maybe when more of this blows over. I'm not sure how I feel about Teddy and big crowds." Tonks said.

"Baby steps." He replied. "You'll get there at your own pace."

"I'm worried I'll become some sort of protective gremlin over him." She confessed. "Keep him locked in the basement forever so he can't grow up or some weird shit like that."

"You won't." Remus said. "Just from watching you, I can tell that you're protective, but you give him a lot of freedom."

"Do I give him too much? Be honest."

"No." He shook his head. "You're setting your own guidelines."

Tonks thought for a moment. "You know, when you're scared for your life, your priorities get really screwed up."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, see, it's actually exhausting to think about how you could die at any second." She explained. "So your thoughts get petty. Instead of thinking, 'I may never see my friends or loved ones ever again, I hope they're alive and well and okay without me', you suddenly become preoccupied with 'I may never be able to eat ice cream again and I don't remember what it tastes like or when I had it last or if I actually enjoyed it'."

Remus couldn't help but smile.

"And it's not like that all the time, but you have to fill that space with something or the bad thoughts flood in." Tonks said. "You just... you're sitting in the floor one day, thinking, did I really appreciate ice cream the way I should? Did I spend the time eating ice cream in a meaningful way? It gets stupidly philosophical stupid quick."

Remus stared down at the table. "I know that this is more of a metaphorical situation than what you're describing, but funny enough, I remember the night you got taken."

She tilted her head. "Well, sure, I remember it to. Not in perfect detail, but what are you saying?"

"All I meant was it was about a month after Teddy was born and we were staying up that night, for whatever reason. I can't remember why, but we decided to stay up later than usual and you had gone and found a pint of ice cream in the freezer."

Tonks laughed. "How in the seven circles of hell do you remember that? I didn't even remember that."

"I spent a lot of time after you disappeared replaying that day." He admitted. "I kept thinking of all the things I could have done better or differently and that I could have saved you."

"You couldn't have." Tonks told him. "They would have killed you then and there."

Remus acted like he didn't want to say something. "For a long time, I wished they had. If I could've just... somehow in my head, dying would have been a lot better than what you went through. And that was _before_ I knew about the years of rape and-"

"Don't, it's-" Tonks shook her head. "I hate using that word. It's stupid, but I'm still not there in my recovery."

"You still can't come to terms with what happened?" Remus asked. Tonks didn't answer. Instead, she reached across the table and held out her hand. He took it, squeezing her fingers. "I'm sorry. I'm being an idiot and I shouldn't have-"

"It's okay." She said softly. "If you want to talk about this so that you're not racing after questions that are haunting you, we can talk about this. You won't offend me. It's... it's just a word."

"I don't think you can answer my questions." He replied.

"Like what?"

 _"Why?"_ Remus spit out. "Why us? Why were his targets? Why did he take you why did he need _you?"_ She knew he wouldn't want to hear it, but it needed to be said. _"You."_ Tonks told him. "He's got this... I don't even know what to call it, some sort of world-domination complex. I was a candidate in his mind because I had already had a child and that child's father was a werewolf. I only know that because I wasn't the only one. And it's no one's fault but his, except..." Her chin slumped down on her arm. "The reason I was the main one was because of how... _dedicated_ I was."

"It's okay. You don't have to keep talking." Remus assured her, his thumb rubbing over the back of her hand.

"No, the thing is that it's the most ineffective and stupid thing in the world! Why didn't he bite Teddy sooner? Why didn't he catch on to my escape plan? Why did he treat me as nice as he did? Why did he..." Tonks was getting heated. "...why didn't he catch on to the fact that _it wasn't working?_

"Dora, you might never find out." He told her.

"No, that's the thing. I asked him." She said bluntly.

"Today?"

"No, a while back. But his answers didn't make sense... Teddy was his backup plan. I was there to be some kind of babysitter." Her eyes squinted, her head spinning and looking for her memories. Remus didn't seem uncomfortable as much as he seemed sad. "That's what I had to pay the store back for, I was stealing birth control. I'm sorry, this is _gross_ and you're eating and-"

He took a very determined bite of ice cream to prove her wrong. "I'd rather you talk while I'm eating than not at all."

"Thanks," She nodded. "But I get it."

"I want to listen to you." His eyes were kind and comforting. "I'm serious. Whatever you want to talk about, we can talk about or not talk about. Hell, I'll talk about how blue the sky is if that helps you in any way."

She chuckled at that, but a knot was forming in her stomach. It was the familiar knot of tears being readily available and ready to pour out of her eyes. "It's okay." Tonks let go of his hand, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Sorry, I'm getting choked up."

"Hey, you're fine." Remus felt like a broken record, which Tonks recognized as well, yet he managed to sound genuine each time he reaffirmed her. "You know I'm always here for you."


	19. XX

**AN: Court Scene needs some nurturing before I post it, so here's a quick little whatever. Also, readers of After May, a new update will also probably be up sometime this week over there (dragging my feet because I know I'm going to blink and my favourite story'll be over).**

Tonks never knew anyone could have so much makeup, much less extensive knowledge of it in one life time. Pre-war, her idea of beauty was washing her her face, running a comb through her hair, and if she was really feeling like changing it up, wearing a dress. Post-war, however, the harsh light from the mirror blinded her. Was she always this washed out? Were those pimples? And scars! There were scars she had never seen before in her life, marks haunting her skin like little ghosts. No longer was her face really hers any more, but the blank canvas of a mortal woman. She was never even particularly fond of changing her appearance so drastically when she was meant to "look like herself", yet it was scary to think she might never have the part of her back.

Post-war, she was sitting on a stool in the bathroom, wearing only a t-shirt and underwear with a towel around her shoulders like a cape, while entrusting a woman she didn't really know to start cutting her hair off. Tonks was also wondering how letting said stranger put a concoction of avocado, honey, and lemon juice on your face was a bonding mechanism. If making friends was that easy, why had no one told her before now?

"I'm going to start slow, okay?" Cleverly announced, parting Tonks's still wet hair with a comb. "If you decide you want me to stop before I cut it off, at least we won't have to regrow that much hair."

"Just chop it off already, you won't hurt my feelings." Tonks replied. She was trying her best to keep still, but she was fidgeting and who thought it was a good idea to put whatever-the-hell-it-was on her face? It was currently going down her neck and onto her leg.

"Well, I want... it... to be even..." Cleverly said. She was bent over trying to trim the ends of her hair.

When she was done, Tonks's hair was no longer long enough to tie back in a substantial nub on the back of her neck. It was soft and fluffy and just barely longer than her pre-war hair, though much less pink.

"Teddy looks so much like you." The other woman remarked. "If he was a girl, he'd look like your twin."

Tonks laughed. "Wouldn't it be the biggest joke if we found out he was morphing himself into that? Into me?"

"I think it's all up to his genes." Cleverly smiled, unwrapping the towel and folding it up into a wad.

"So, if I might ask, why are you putting food on my face?"

"It helps clean and soften your skin." Cleverly replied.

"Oh... okay..." It seemed more wasteful to Tonks than anything, but she pretended to play along. "Yeah, definitely, I can tell." Washing it off, she had to admit her skin looked less dull than before.

"I'll be honest, I was experimenting." Cleverly admitted. "I've always been fascinated by muggle women and how they make up their faces and all. I mean, who else in the world would completely pluck out their eyelashes or try and suffocate themselves with their own dresses?"

"Apparently you've never met me then." Tonks smiled. Cleverly rolled her eyes, but was very much amused. "I've actually never really had a friend do, you know, something like this. See, growing up, my friends were busy asking me to morph my looks into their crushes, people they hated..."

"I grew up in a household full of girls. I know it sounds sterotypical, but think there's more to it than just looking pretty. A history with muggle women... it's less about being insecure and more about the skill." Cleverly said. "Sorry, I'm kind of a nerd when it comes to this sort of thing. Remus reminds me all the time."

"It's fine." Tonks chuckled.

"That and I don't want to find out fifteen minutes before you walk into the courtroom tomorrow that your foundation makes you look like a ghost. I know there's at least going to be one press member there and they're going to be extremely observant." Cleverly explained. "All eyes are going to be on you."

"You won't be apart of the press?"

Cleverly shook her head. "Conflict of interest." There was a long pause as she worked away.

"So... tell me about Remus." Tonks remarked.

"What do I know that you don't already?" Cleverly asked.

"You'd be surprised. How long have you known him?"

"Oh, jeez, um... we started school, probably didn't actually meet him until a few years after, around '73 or so."

"Well see? You probably knew him my entire life, then. What made you reach out to him? I mean, some weird chick dies and you go to her funeral?"

"I guess it was a bit more selfish than that. We're the infamous Gryffindors from '71 and when people close to you start dying, you have to find out if it's a freak accident or if there's motive."

"What sort of motive? Why your class in particular?"

"Of the five girls in my particular dorm, I'm the only one who's not in a hospital bed or a coffin." Cleverly explained. "Lily Evans, Dorcas Meadows, Marlene McKinnon, and Alice Prewitt. And of course, the boys, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Sirius Black. And poor Frank; I'm sure you know all about them already. It's just... when something happens, you can't help but wonder. Were the werewolves going to hurt Remus? And if they were, was my name just lower on the hit list?"

Tonks shifted awkwardly on the stool.

"I'm sorry, I know no one wants to talk about what happened." Cleverly said.

"No, no, I asked." Tonks said. "So what about the funeral then?"

"I kept asking around and no one knew what really happened. Literally, I heard one woman on the street hypothesize that you were actually an undercover spy for the werewolves. I heard all kinds of nasty rumours, like maybe you deserved it because of Remus. I just had thun hunch that I _had_ to know what really happened that night. I guess that's why I became a journalist."

"I'm sorry, I'm probably asking stuff I shouldn't." Tonks said.

"I don't want to be on bad terms." Cleverly admitted. "As easy as it would be for us to be at each other's throats, we aren't getting anywhere. I'm not saying we have to be friends or anything at the end of the day, but it's more productive than if we weren't."

"It's... easier to come to terms than to lash out, I suppose." Tonks replied. In all honesty, if the initial heartbreak was a stab to the chest on a pain scale, then now, she had a bad pneumonia. Not because she had forgotten Remus or moved on, but she kept her mind busy. She found herself repeating over and over a mantra that seemed to keep her focused and grounded. _It's no one's fault but His, it's no one's fault but His..._ Maybe if she clicked her heels a few times like that One Old Muggle Movie, she'd end up back at home where she was five years ago. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Cleverly frowned, not answering at first. "I feel sorry for you. You never asked to have your life taken away from you the way it was. No one could've stopped this and no one can change what happened. We just have to forgive and march forward."

Tonks shook her head. "I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me." She felt forgiveness, sure, at least for the people that didn't directly hurt her.

"I know." Cleverly replied. "But it's all we can do."

"Then you're really going above and beyond." Tonks was anxiously picking at her fingernails, shutting her eyes as Cleverly pulled at the skin around her eyes, dusting over it with a soft brush.

"I can always use new test subjects." Cleverly smirked, but she couldn't see her. "Really, It's not like we'd let you and Teddy starve. You're still _family."_

 _Family._ That word felt weird. _Family._ Tonks kept saying it over and over in her head. _Family. Family. Family._ It still felt weird.

"Family." Tonks said aloud. She realized she sounded a bit pissed off. "Sorry, I'm just-"

"Just what?"

"I dunno. I guess... I don't think of myself as part of the 'family' yet." She confessed.

"That's okay." Cleverly replied simply.

Tonks stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't exactly the girliest of girls, but there was an almost excited feeling when she looked at herself. "I can't really describe what I'm feeling." She wanted to run her fingers along her face, but she didn't want to ruin Cleverly's work.

"I hoped you'd say that." The other woman remarked. "It's meant to be empowering. At least that's what I was going for."

Tonks didn't answer at first. "Am I still invited to the wedding?"

"Of course you are, if you'd like."

"It's better than being angry and bitter. Besides, it'd be better if we were just... friends. I'm not saying we force anything. I'm saying we should try to move on in a way that benefits everyone."

"I think I can speak for the both of us and say that we'd like that very much." Cleverly smiled.

"So, how did he propose? I mean, just from how I remember it, I practically had to ask him to propose."

"Oh, he hasn't changed much, then. He didn't want to rush anything. Not that I blame him any... Like I said, he didn't break out of his shell overnight."

There was a knock on the doorway and Remus peered inside. "Sorry to interrupt the quality girl time." Teddy was following close at his hip. "I had to get a look."

"What do you think?" Tonks asked, turning to look at him.

Remus realized he was being put on the spot. "I think it looks good... great. Really nice."

"You look so pretty!" Teddy exclaimed. He ran over and gave her a hug.

"Thanks, Sweetheart." Tonks said. "And thanks, Cleverly. You really are a doll."

"It's no problem, love." She smiled.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could snag Dora for a second." Remus said.

She jumped up to her feet. "What's up?" He nodded outside the bathroom and Tonks followed, Teddy practically standing on her toes. "Is something wrong?"

"I just wanted to check on you." Remus said.

"Check on me?" Tonks shifted nervously.

"I wanted to make sure both you and Clary weren't at each other's throats." Remus confessed.

"No, no, she's really sweet. Honestly." She smiled. "We're getting along great, why are you worried?"

"Cleverly can be a bit... how shall we say, possessive?" Remus lowered his voice. "And it's either going to be over you or me. Not that I think she would do anything, but she may very well get to acting petty about things or act angry and I know we're all in a position of tension and I want to keep everything on the table."

"It's fine." Tonks shook her head. "She's great and you're great. I'm honestly so thankful for the both of you."

"I..." Remus looked like he had a lot more ideas and thoughts that he didn't know how to vocalize. He close his mouth. "You're hair looks nice."

She touched her hair and smiled, heat flooding her cheeks. "Thanks."

"I mean, you just, you look-" He gestured to his face, stumbling over his words. He cleared his throat, obviously becoming flustered. "You look very professional."

"Thanks, Remus, but you don't have to compliment me all the time, you know that, right?" Tonks posed. His face was beginning to turn pink.

"Do you... need anything for tomorrow?"

"I don't think so. I've gone over everything I can think of." Tonks shook her head. "Except maybe somebody who needs to go to bed."

"I'm not tired!" Teddy whined.

"Sure you aren't." His mother rolled her eyes. "I bet if you ask nicely, Dad'll read you a story before bed."

The boy clung to his mother's legs, only further tilting his head backwards to look at his father upside down. "Can you please read me more from that book?"

"Ooh, what are you reading?" Tonks asked.

"Can you tell her what it's called?" His father prompted.

"Charlotte's Web!" Teddy told his mother.

"Isn't that book a little bit over your head, Teddy?" Tonks wavered.

"No!" He exclaimed.

"He's a surprisingly good reader." Remus told her. "I think he deserves some credit for that at least."

"I think that's really great, Teddy." Tonks told him, while he was literally trying to climb on her. She laughed. "Alright, little monkey, I think it's bed time."


	20. XXI

**_AN: I sed stup flaming ok Cleverly's name is Cleverylu nut mary su OK! REMUS IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!_**

 ** _Don't take my writing too seriously. I am, but I'm not at the same time, you know? I'm here to have a good time, you're here to have a good time, and I just want to write. Sit back, have a drink, the story's hardly started._**

 ** _And don't wait until you're 90% in to complain about a character that got mentioned on chapter 2 (just stop reading by that point??? Click off??? It is literally not my fault you clicked on a story, hated it, and yet made it all this way just to complain about me not warning you)._**

 ** _TLDR; If. I. Was. Making. A. RemusxOC. Fic. Why. Would. I. Have. Not. Killed. Tonks. When. I. Had. The. Multiple. Opportunities. To. Do. So. And. Then. Advertised. This. As. Such._** **_Thank you for coming to my TedTalk._**

 ** _Enjoy, 'cause I'm still bored and still writing. Now taking suggestions/submissions for writing pieces because I'm going to need more side projects soon (hey, you're already reading, why not shoot requests my way)_**

The courtrooms were more cheerful without the dementors, but not by much. Tonks didn't bother, or rather forgot, to bring her wand when she got there and she didn't notice until she remembered there were no dementors to ward off. Today, one man was being accused of illegally smuggling dragon eggs in from France, a woman was suing for debt, and in this courtroom, perhaps one of England's most infamous werewolves would be behind Azkaban bars once again.

Tonks felt like the jittery sound of her fingernails on the armrest of her seat would echo through the courtroom. The jury was restless and talking to each other. Tonks swore she recognized some of the people on the higher seats as people she used to work for. She studied their faces, their motives, their ideals. Just as Cleverly had predicted, among the few people gathered to watch the session, which included Andromeda and Ted Tonks, a muggle man, and a handful of Ministry officials, there was a journalist, writing away at their notepad. This was nothing compared to the press and civilians flooding the main level of the Ministry.

She had felt so sure before this moment that this would be an open and shut case, yet... now she had a bad feeling. A very, _very_ bad feeling. A hand reached over and gently squeezed her own, bringing her nervous tapping to a stop. "I'm okay." Tonks announced. Remus didn't comment, nor argue, simply holding her hand.

The room fell silent. Kingsley Shacklebolt marched through the doors in the back of the room, wearing his judge's robes. Of all the political changes Tonks had failed to witness, this was certainly her favourite. The courtroom stood, returning to their seats when he sat down.

He proceeded without hesitation. "On the defendant's side, we have Ms. Nymphadora A. Tonks persuing a civil court case against one Fenrir Greyback for asportation, multiple counts of assault and battery, multiple counts of sexual assault, child kidnapping, and felonious acts of abuse and neglect towards a child." He looked over to their side. "Is that correct?"

Tonks wobbled as she got to her feet. "Yes, Sir."

He pointed to the seat in the middle of the court room. "Please have a seat and we'll begin." She stumbled over and she noticed Remus had gotten to his feet beside her. "Mr. Lupin, that won't be necessary."

"I'm... sorry, your honour, I was simply-"

"I'll be fine." Tonks chimed up. No one in the room said anything as she sat down.

"Firstly, I would like to say that I'm glad that you're able to sit in front of us today, and that's all I'll say about that. I'll think I should start by asking why you're here." Kingsley kept his professional tone and expression, yet that waswas somehow more meaningful to Tonks even more.

"I'm... I'm here because I'm... I survived five years in a werewolf camp at the hands of, um..." She didn't want to say it. "...Fenrir Greyback."

Expressionless, Kingsley nodded. "Do you mind starting from the beginning, detailing your encounter with as much detail as you can manage?"

There was a vocal ruckus occurring in the side of the courtroom. Tonks twisted in her chair to see two aurors, firmly holding onto a Fenrir Greyback, who was chained together with some sort of charm, hindering his mouth shut. His eyes swiveled around the courtroom angrily, finally catching a glance at Tonks. The aurors forced him into a chair.

"Ms. Tonks?" Kingsley pressed on. "Whenever you're ready."

And so, Tonks began. She talked about the kidnapping and how she ended up in the camp. She described her injuries and how she had seen another woman while she was there. She went on into how they were raided, starting over in a wooded area which had apparently been near a mountainside, and how the camp had come to grow. Her ritualistic daily habits that came down to what she ate and when they bathed. There was a brief footnote about the baby. Tonks brought up the dictatorial power dynamic Greyback had over his followers. There was his abuse towards her, and subsequently the various attacks, assaults, threats, and beatings. She described specific injuries.

"Do you believe he, in any way, targetted your family in particular?" Kingsley asked.

"Yes. Because of my husband." Tonks realized she had to quickly correct herself. "Husband at the time. We have a son that was affected by him and bitten about two months ago. I believe he hunted me because he saw me as a potential mother, for his pack."

"And how are you now?"

Tonks didn't ask at first. "I'm... I have to see a counselor. I'm trying to focus myself on my son. We're getting better, but it's slow. It's always going to be."

Kingsley stared at the notes on the podium in front of him. "That will be all until the cross examination."

Tonks's legs were on the verge of giving out as she hobbled back to her seat beside Remus. "Are you okay?" He put his arms around her shoulders.

"I'm okay." He squeezed her arms and she turned to him, hiding her face in his chest. "I'll be okay..." He rested his chin on her head and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Mr. Fenrir Greyback, if you will come forward to the floor." Kingsley announced. Tonks's eyes shut tighter and clung closer to Remus. There was a clunky noise as the man shuffled to the front of the courtroom. The woman couldn't look at him. "Concerning the accusations Ms. Tonks has presented towards you, do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

There was a long pause where Tonks's fists began to clench tighter onto Remus. "Not guilty." She heaved, about to collapse if Remus hadn't been supporting her.

"This isn't over yet, hang in there." He whispered in her ear. "This isn't over yet. This isn't over yet..."

"Okay, Mr. Greyback," Kingsley audibly sighed. "Where to begin? How about we start with the first claim: asportation. Kidnapping. Is it true that you took her out of her home against her will, along with her son, Edward?"

"That's a lie." Greyback shook his head. "She's a liar with a victim complex."

"Were you not in her home, Mr. Greyback?" Kingsley said firmly.

"I never was in her house." Greyback announced. "I wasn't near it."

"Then who kidnapped them?"

"I don't know."

"Did you know that they were going to be kidnapped?"

"Not a clue."

"But was the kidnapper one of your acquaintances or followers?"

"I don't know who it was exactly."

"But do you know if it was one of your fellow werewolves."

"I dunno."

There was a pause. A man in the jury coughed. "Moving on," Kingsley replied. "assault and battery. Did you ever threaten or conduct bodily harm to Nymphadora or Edward?"

"Not intentionally." Greyback said simply. "Never intentionally."

"Was it intentional when the young Edward was bitten? Or when the two showed up to St. Mungo's with bruises and fractures?" Kingsley demanded.

"I've never hurted anyone who wasn't in my way." Greyback snarled. "It ain't my fault you raise the damn prices of Wolfbane! And even if it wasn't, it ain't my problem that I, like many others, have chosen to live our lives naturally instead of stuffing chemicals in our brains!"

Kingsley sighed. "Mr. Greyback, if you continue to raise you're voice, I will be happy to have you escorted out." Greyback stopped. "Let's talk about the sexual assault claims."

Greyback smirked, squirming in his chair to get a look at Tonks. "I ain't put my hands on no one that doesn't want it." Kingsley pursed his lips. "You should've been there! She'd-"

Tonks couldn't hear the rest of what he said. Remus's hands clasped over her ears and it was surprisingly effective against warding off Greyback's taunts.

"That'll be all, Mr. Greyback." Kingsley continued to be unfazed with his notes.

Tonks rocked back and forth. _"It's not true, it's not true, it's not true, it's not-"_

"Ms. Tonks, do you need to step outside?" Kingsley's voice softened.

"Shh, shh, shh." Tonks stroked his hand over her head. "It's going to be okay."

Greyback cackled. "Oh, I know she likes that!"

Her tears poured out harder. "Mr. Greyback," Kingsley cleared his throat. "This is my final warning. You will talk to me and only to me, is that clear?"

He turned back to the front. "Yes, your honour."

Kingsley thought for a long and hard moment, writing out his thoughts on a piece of parchment. "We're going to be processing our current evidence. Until then, I'm going to have memories taken from each of you for examination by a selection of anonymous magistrates."

Tonks was still hyperventilating, but eas at least no longer cowering in Remus's lap, when a wizard approached her with the wand. Greyback had already been carted out. "Ms. Tonks," He said in a soft voice. "I just need you to focus on a memory or memories. Any memories concerning the events of the last five years that concern the case. Can you do that?"

"I don't know." She sobbed.

"That's okay." The wizard reassured, pressing his wand against her temple. "Just think of a memory, anything you can manage."

Remus held her hand with one, rubbing his other over her shoulder. "It's okay." He reassured, his nose brushing against the back of her neck. "It's going to be okay. It will only last a second."

That second last millions of eons to Tonks and the tears trickled down. Remus sat with her in the empty courtroom and no one kicked them out. He walked her out, holding a firm grip on her side as they finally left, and the hallway outside was quiet and empty from the chaos. Andromeda and Ted were waiting outside for them. "Oh, Dora..." Her mother exclaimed, walking over to her. "Dora, I had no idea... we had no idea things were this bad."

"It's okay." Tonks said to try and keep them from repeating the cycle of tears and apologies that always followed.

"I never imagined things were that... Merlin's beard, there aren't words to describe what happened." Ted sighed. He was nervously rubbing his hands over his head. "You aren't- when they took you into the hospital, you weren't pregnant, were you?"

"No." Her voice sounded raw and weak. "They give you potions that... you know, prevent that sort of thing and all... I was _so careful..."_

"But that was his ultimate goal." Andromeda shook her head. "I cannot believe it. I cannot believe than any human being would act like that. That's..." Like her husband, she seemed at a loss for words.

"He did. Once, actually." Tonks confessed in a low voice. "It was... oh my god..." Until now, The Memory hadn't haunted her since she left the camp and she even managed to mention it in passing in front of the court. But now, it manifested itself as a painful gnawing at her insides, ripping and clawing at her intestines and twisting everything up into her ribcage. She wrapped her arms around her middle. "I think I'm going to be sick." Remus quickly guided her to a nearby trashcan against the wall with his best attempt at providing comfort for her as she retched.


	21. XXII

Cleverly would have considered herself an expert at giving the silent treatment. She could ignore people like her life depended on it, driving them the to the brink of madness, and Remus was no exception. The second he entered the room, she conviently left it. They had been dodging each other all day until it was time to go to bed. This was the part Cleverly was not so good at: inevitable confrontation.

"So you've really managed to go the whole day without speaking, huh?" Remus was standing beside the bed, his arms folded across his chest. "I'm assuming that means you won't say goodnight, then."

"I have nothing to say." She pursed her lips, turning her head away from him.

"And so you've pretended I'm dead to the world? What's going on?" He demanded.

Cleverly would have gone ahead and laid down in bed, pretending not to hear his question or telling him that he already knew what, but that would only lead to neither of them getting a wink of sleep. "You're acting like I haven't picked up on it yet."

"And _you're_ acting worse than a child!" Remus tried to keep from raising his voice, rubbing his hand on face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What's going on? What did I do? Why can't you just be transparent with me?"

 _"I'm_ acting childish?" She scoffed.

"Could you at least tell me what I did wrong? Please?" He asked genuinely. "Cleverly, please, we can talk about this if you just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it. I want to fix whatever's wrong, whatever I did-"

Her lips were tightly pressed together and she refused to look at him. "You've been practically _ignoring_ me since Dora and Teddy got here and I was wondering if you knew how it felt. Apparently so, but you're too blind to it!"

"Oh, for the love of..." Remus let out a loud sigh. "Cleverly! Do you not understand how important this situation is? For crying out loud, _YOU_ were the one who said they should stay here until they can get their own place! Not me! I said that this was going to cause drama, and here we are! I have had _no intention_ of _ignoring_ you and quite frankly, I think I've spent more time with you now than ever, now that I'm home all the bloody time!"

"I said she should come because I knew you would want to be around Teddy! I wasn't giving you permission to flirt with her and be all... rubbing up to her every chance you get!" She shouted back, finally looking at him.

"I'm not flirting!" He said defensively. "Who said anything about flirting?"

"Quit acting so stupid, Remus, I could see it blind!" Cleverly spat.

"Darling," He tried to lower his voice to calm the situation, but instead only recieved a nast look for the name-calling. "I don't know how to explain this in a way that makes best sense, okay? I have managed to lose everyone and everything I have ever loved up to this point, _minus you,_ and now suddenly one of my best friends and our child have come back from nothing! And I'm not allowed to be excited? _To be happy?"_

"Don't talk down to me like I'm stupid." She growled. "And last time I checked, people aren't usually making babies with their so-called best friends!"

"It. Was. Five. _Fucking._ Years. Ago! we were married, Cleverly! Things have _clearly_ changed or we would not be having this conversation right now!" He threw up his hands. "You know what, I'm _sorry!_ _I'm sorry_ that I had a life and _I'm sorry_ it got taken from me and I'm sorry that it came back! I'm _SORRY!"_

"Don't throw that victimizing shit at me!"

 _"Victimizing_? Are you joking, or are you actually so far up your own arse that you can only _pretend_ to think about other people's feelings?"

"You know what, _fuck you!_ Fuck _you,_ Remus Lupin, for being such a selfish arse that you can't even care about someone you planned on _marrying!_ _Fuck you,_ for being such a prick all you can think about is yourself and getting your way!" Cleverly cut back at him. "Do you know how _hard_ it's been for _me?_ To make a name for myself? To pretend that I don't know everyone just _loved_ Tonks more than me? That _she had to be_ the better wife? That I could never amount to her _bloody fucking_ _martyrdom?_ I'm trying my _hardest_ to get by, being the better person and the nice new girlfriend and you're spitting it back out into my face!"

Remus could feel his heart angrily pounding against his chest. "Are you saying that you wished she _had_ been killed? That she had been whisked away, never to be seen again because it would make _you_ _look better?_ But oh no! Remus is being _selfish?_ "

"You've _always_ done this! You turn against people to get your way and pretend like you've had it worse than _everyone else!"_ She flung the blanket off that was sitting on her lap. "You know what, I don't think I'll be sleeping in here tonight. Suddenly, I'm not tired."

"Don't," He said in an exasperated voice, grabbing her shoulder as she walked towards him.

 _"Don't you put your filthy paws on me."_ Cleverly gritted her teeth, throwing his hand off of her.

"Excuse me, _Your Excellency,_ but I think I can show myself to the couch." Remus remarked dryly. "Take the bed, I don't care."

Cleverly was becoming more enraged by the second, especially at the fact that he wouldn't be letting her have the final word. "Fine." She gave a curt nod.

"Fine." Remus shrugged.

 _"Fine."_ Cleverly said once more, making her way back to bed. "Goodnight, Remus!"

"Goodnight!" He called as he made his way down the hall. "I _love_ you!" The second part came out more from habit than sarcasm.

Teddy was stretched out in his mother's lap. He had begun crying and subsequently passed out within a few minutes, now trapping his mother in an awkward reclined position, stroking his head as he slept. Surely, this wasn't comfortable to him.

The door was shut and Remus knocked before entering, seeing that the light was still on. "Hey," he whispered.

"A little birdie told me you're in doghouse." Tonks said dryly, talking in a voice low enough to keep from waking her son. Remus sat down as gently as he could on the side of the bed. "Or rather, your paper thin walls did."

"I'm sorry." He swallowed down the knot in his throat.

"Better go say that to her than me." Tonks remarked. "And you most definitely don't need to be in here."

"I'm here to check on Teddy." Remus announced. For a few seconds, his eyes locked with Tonks's own in an honest way. "His face is red. Was he crying?"

"He doesn't like yelling." His mother said.

"Neither do you, apparently." Remus's eyes trailed down to her hand that was resting on Teddy. She was visibly shaking. "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I think... it might be best if we didn't stay here." Tonks said. "Cleverly's obvious been lying about liking me and we might as well go. This is stupid and pointless and-"

"And you're tired." Remus said. "We all are. It was a big day today and none of us slept well last night. We're all on edge."

"Remus, listen to me, you're doing something stupid here." Tonks argued. "We need to leave. That's that."

"That is not that." Remus urged. "Clary's just being... I don't know, this is how she acts sometimes. She's like this sometimes and I don't know what to do about it and I'm sorry for it. We'll get this mess sorted out soon enough, we always do."

"And if you don't?" Tonks asked, her hand paused in the middle of Teddy's back.

"I will. We will." He nodded. He briefly paused. "Dora, I never got to tell you how brave you were today. I'm... I'm very proud of you."

"I feel like an idiot." She confessed. "I spilled my guts and I was honest, I just... I feel so stupid, like I should've just lied and said nothing ever happened," Remus shot her a concerned look. "but I know that's bad for mental health and I would eventually succumb to it or something like that. That's what the counselor told me, so don't go on and lecture me." She butted back in before he started nagging her about her feelings. "I did the right thing, I know I did, but I feel so stupid."

"I'm... proud you told me and your parents what happened with... with um, the baby." He said coarsely.

"They're never going to look at me the same way again..." She confessed, rubbing her face. "God, I am the biggest idiot in the world."

"You are _not_ the biggest-"

"I know!" Her voice began to raise, but she stopped it. "They think I'm some sort of... some _monsterish_... _freak..._ I should've just kept my mouth _shut._ They could probably charge me with murder or negligence or something, and I'm sure-"

"No one thinks that about you. You were scared and alone and you had to think about what's best for you and Teddy." Remus said softly. "I won't say say you did the right thing, mainly because I think that's your decision to make, but I most certainly _will not_ say you did the wrong thing. We probably won't ever know if it was a right or a wrong things to do. You did what... I think most people would've done. You chose to look after yourself."

Tonks went dark.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm the reason he bit Teddy." She confessed. "He thought... He was was under the impression I had done it again."

"Did Greyback know?" Remus asked.

"He knew, yes." Tonks confessed, becoming more and more distraught. "He found me when I was... when I-"

"You don't have to, it's okay." He said quickly. "If the hospital said you were clear and you're safe and healthy now, that's all that matters to me."

Tonks nodded sadly. She looked down at her son. "Teddy doesn't know, just for future reference, don't say anything in front of him that might set him off. He barely understands what's going on and I don't want to overcomplicate this."

"I won't say anything." Remus reassured.

"And Cleverly, too."

"Not a word." He looked down at his son. "Can I... can I help you with him? You probably won't sleep too comfortably like that."

"I'll move him in a bit." She replied. "He's getting taller already, did you notice?"

"What where you expecting from a child that's never seen broccoli before?" He laughed lightly.

Tonks strained her neck to kiss his face. He stirred in his sleep. "I'm not ready for him to grow up."

"I'm not either." Remus told her. He gently patted her leg. "Do you want me to leave the light on?"

"That'll be fine." Tonks nodded. "And... Remus? One more thing?" Remus turned in his tracks to look at her. "I didn't think you were flirting, if you need to tell her that." All he could do was nod uncomfortably and shut the bedroom door.


	22. XXIII

**AN: This one's a doozy. Strap in.**

 _"He has murder charges on him already, and he escaped prison. You would think that would be enough to have him put away for life." Remus was mostly talking to fill the small interrogation room with noise besides her bouncing leg. "They've asked so many questions, what more would they have to meet with you about, I don't understand-"_

 _"And I don't either." Tonks growled. Her head was currently resting in her hands. "I don't know what their deal is. What can they even ask or find out? What can they accuse me of? What, are they going to say I lied about something?" Her questions were more rhetoric._

 _"I doubt they would say you're lying. Right now, I think they're dragging out his sentence because it gets the paper more attention. That and there's so much to charge him for I think they still want details from him."_

 _"You don't think they'd exchange information for freedom, do you?"_ _"Freedom? No, but I can't say for certain what they might be giving him in exchange."_

 _"He's a liar, don't they know he's a liar? She demanded._ _"They have to prove it. At last he has his previous convictions to back him up."_

 _Murder, robbery, tresspassing, evasion of the law, conspiracy to murder, multiple counts of assault and battery, multiple counts of sexual assault, child kidnapping, and felonious acts of abuse and neglect towards a child. They had their information right in their hands, yet there was no end in sight for his sentence._

 _"Hello, Ms. Tonks." A female auror asked upon entering the room. "How are you today?"_

 _"Lovely." She replied curtly. "Can you tell me why I'm here?"_

 _"I'm here to collect a few memories from you." She explained._ _"Memories?" Tonks asked. "I already gave a memory."_

 _"I need three from you today." The auror said, extracting three vials._

 _"Why do you need four?" Remus chimed in. "Is this the same memory, or do you need several instances of memories?"_

 _"I need three specific memories. One of the kidnapping, one of an instance of sexual assault, and one of the miscarriage." The auror explained._

 _"The-" She huffed. "Why do you need that one?" Tonks pleaded. "Are they going to use it against me in court? Am I going to have to explain myself?"_

 _"I was simply told to collect it for evidence." The other woman explained. "I'm sorry."_

 _"Wait, did the other memory not have what you were looking for?" She had chosen and hoped that her memory of being beat almost to death in the woods would help with both the location of camp and show his physical abuse towards her._

 _"I'm afraid I cannot disclose that information." The auror frowned, handing her a piece of paper and a quill. "I'm going to need your written consent to the memories or your statement as to why you chose to forfeit extraction."_

Now, back in her original seat on the floor, Tonks stared with glazed over eyes at Kingsley. Weeks had gone by and everyday had become agonizing at the Tonks and Lupin households, waiting to hear of a new piece of information or writing in to the prophet to correct rumours and gossip. Wizarding tabloids were going insane, but they avoided those in hopes no one really took them seriously.

Several werewolves were caught, but many, many more remains were taken to family members. Victims of Greyback came forward, both from his bites and physical assault of all kinds. There was one day were all of the people came to testify. Men who had claimed victim to his brainwashing, women who were too powerless to his threats, elderly who were too frail to walk on their own much less survive a full moon, and children sitting up tall on their parents laps, came forward to describe their experiences. As closely as Tonks had followed the news, it was completely different when names were called to come to the stand, and a familiar Alexandra excitedly smiled and waved from across the room.

But today was all about her. There was no hoard of families or crying children. Her own child was shopping for clothes with his grandfather, since he had grown like a weed since their arrival. She was the only one there out of the dozens oof victims. Recently, her happily graduated and pink haired photo had been taken away and replaced in papers by a more solemn one. It was the only picture she stopped hiding for. It was simply a straight photo of her face, smirking ever so slightly in a more uncomfortable way than anything. If this trial outlived the 24-hour news cycle after Greyback was convicted, this would certainly be the face of it. And that alone was terrifying.

"Firstly, I would like to say that I'm very sorry for demanding more memories on such a short notice." He explained. "Two of the four memories you provided provided substantial evidence towards your case."

"Only two, Your Honour?" Tonks swallowed hard.

"Yes. Unfortunately, the first memory you provided and the memory we requested of an instance of sexual assault both came back to the penseive with blocks in them." Kingsley announced. The jury was getting restless. Greyback was there, but was even more physically restrained than the last time. "For those who don't know, a memory block can occur when a person wishes to remember a memory different than how it occured or block out a memory entirely. The first one you provided was completely unusable, while the second provided glimpses into an extremely painful memory I refuse to show to the courtroom without consent and censorship."

Tears burned her eyes and she gripped the arms of the chair in distress, refusing to look at anyone in the room.

"However, we did get a detailed description of the kidnapping, of which, I wish to show the courtroom, with the consent of the giver." Kingsley looked to Tonks, her head bobbing up and down.

The scene began with her going to attend to an infant Teddy. Remus was fixated on the image of the two and Tonks seemed to be just as fascinated at the baby she had been holding. The scene began with her being dragged down a flight of stairs, practically by her hair. Some of the faces were blurred at certain points due to her lack of memory, but at other points the facial features were more clear. The real Tonks felt a surprising lack of emotion towards the vision. It ended and the courtroom fell quiet.

"I believe that this alone gives the court more than enough evidence that there were cohorts of Mr. Greyback in the Lupin household, even if Mr. Greyback himself did not enter the house that night." Kingsley said. Tonks felt his eyes look through her. She imagined that when he looked at her, he only saw her half undressed and angry, fighting for her life, bruises and welts covering her body. "With permission, I will be showing the other explicit memories to the members of the jury and only the jury, should they choose to look."

Tonks thought for a moment. "Why?" No one answered. "What can they see from those memories that I haven't already explained?"

"Ms. Tonks, I believe that memories can be the most concrete evidence to exist, in either way of the court." Kingsley explained, looking down his nose at her.

"What about the... what about the... miscarriage?" Tonks felt her heart banging in her chest.

"What about it?" Kingsley posed.

"Has it been examined? What about that?" Tonks pleaded."I reviewed the memory." Kingsley said. "And I believe that what you experienced was horrifically inflicted upon you. I refuse to show it to another being. I will promptly be having the memory destroyed." Ears around them perked up.

"So I'm not... you aren't going to have me charged for child neglect? Or..." She didn't want to say it aloud.

"I believe, and I alone believe, that in the instance such as your own, you were put into a situation that demanded you to choose your life and wellbeing over that of another." Kingsley said. He leaned back in his seat. The way that it creaked was the only noise in the entire courtroom. "And I believe that you should not be punished for putting your safety above another."

Tonks took a deep breath, covering her mouth. Her eyes pooled with tears again. "I'm sorry-" The pictures came to the front of her mind, projecting on the backs of her lids just like the kidnapping occured in front of the courtroom.

 _Crimson blood covered the bathtub. Tonks was furiously scrubbing herself, deep into every inch of her skin, clawing at every hair and pore from her scalp to the bottoms of her feet. Pain tinged her insides, angry and terrible like fire. She was crying as loud as she could without waking up her son. She knew it was her fault. She had done everything she could, every means she could think of, to get to that point, yet it hurt more-emotionally and physically-than she could ever prepare herself for. There was a dirtiness she couldn't escape._ _Pain crushed her down onto her knees, squeezing her middle to try and numb her terrible pain. She wondered what Remus would have said. She knew Teddy had no understanding or knowledge of it or what was happening, but in her mind, she imagined and felt the pain as if it was Teddy she had just killed. And Tonks hated herself. She hated herself with such thick guilt she imagined she was the one deserving death._

And he saw all of it. He felt all of it in explicit detail, just as she did.

Her head was in her hands again and she began crying and apologizing again and again. Voices spoke. A soft pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, leading her back to the prosecuting side. It was Andromeda, holding and comforting her as she cried. The jury was out to decide.

"It's okay, we're almost done here. We can put this behind us all." Andromeda said.

Remus handed her a cup of water. "If you think you might get sick, we can step outside. We don't have to stay."

"I have to hear this." Tonks whispered, her face still hiding. More and more often, there was a terrifying feeling that cameras were always watching her every move. She already felt humiliated to cry anywhere but by herself, but the last thing she wanted was her tears being put in the paper, or worse, immortalized in a History of Magic textbook. _This_ was the case of a lifetime, the condemnation of a werewolf that afflicted a society for now over six decades. That number always sent chills down Tonks's spine. He was older than he presented himself to be, even for a werewolf who had been a criminal since his teenage years, but sixty was older than anything she imagined hin to be.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked.

"No." Tonks groaned. She noticed a particularly nosy reporter eyeing her a few seats back. "Remus can you slide over in front of me? I don't want them to see me."

"Of course." He slid over to obscure her.

"I hope Teddy doesn't see pictures of me crying." She murmured. "Of all the people. _I'm_ supposed to be the big tough good-guy and I'm _losing my shit_ over here."

"Quit beating yourself up." He said softly. "It's okay." He rubbed her hands.

The jury was out for a while, not because they had a lot of deciding to do, but because there was so much information the cover. Finally, the courtroom began filling back in and people returned to their seats. And it began. A wizard stood up, holding a piece of parchment to side of his arm.

"We the jury find the defendant, Fenrir Greyback, guilty for his crimes against Nymphadora Tonks and Edward Lupin as of July twenty-fourth, two thousand and three."

They listed every charge against her, each followed by the word "Guilty". By the end, they were all in tears, huddled together in a hug.


	23. XXIV

Tonks was slumped over at the coffee table. With her entire heart, she loved her son, but her patience was already running thin with her lack of sleep and the boy's poor checkers skills were frustrating. She wanted to replay all of the court sessions in her head, yet... she couldn't remember. Sure, she had slept since then, but it had been a week since the case was closed, but she couldn't remember it. Most of the things she could recall Greyback saying was incoherent.

"Hey Remus," Tonks sat up, sliding a checker a space over on the board. "Do you remember anything from the trials? Like... do you know anything that anyone said?"

"Not word for word." Remus glanced up from his book. Teddy moved a checker in an illegal way.

"I just... for whatever reason, I can't remember a thing He said." Tonks remarked, moving a checker forward. "I just remember... name calling and... delusion... and... I don't know, I don't remember him saying anything that made sense." Teddy moved one of his checkers forward.

"That's about how it all went." Remus sighed. "He's crazed and delusional, what did you expect?"

"Yeah, but he wasn't like..." Tonks shook her head, moving a checker. "He was a real person. He knew how to carry on a conversation, I think. I remember him lying and all but... He couldn't even keep himself together for the life of him."

"Maybe he knew this was the end of the road for him."

"What does that mean?" Teddy asked aloud.

"It means he knew he would be in so much trouble when he got caught, so he gave up on acting civil." Remus told the boy.

"What's acting civil?"

"It's like, when someone acts respectfully." Tonks moved one of her checkers. "For exactly, we're acting respectfully right now. If I turned to you and something really rude about your father, that's being uncivil. What I'm saying about, you know, was that he was being inappropriate. He was... erratic. He had no self restraint... and I don't remember him being like that."

"Perhaps he was hoping to get off on an insanity plea."

"I mean, I've never seen him so... so..." She shook her head. "I don't even know what to say about him frankly. He's so... complicated."

"You're going to start greying if you spend all your time letting him consume you." Remus pointed out.

"I just... I can't figure him out."

"Dora, you might not ever be able to." He shook his head, flipping the page in his book.

"I made tea if anyone wants some." Cleverly chimed. She sat beside Remus in a protective and loving sort of manner, letting him put his arm around her. The tensions had dropped, but only for a few days when Tonks made the decision (though it felt like less of her own choice) to tie her wedding ring on a piece of ribbon. Remus had left his own wedding band, the same one he had worn five years ago, with no indication who it was for. Tonks made a move on the board. "Who's winning?"

"I think Teddy is." Tonks sighed. The board was a completely incoherent mess and she was beginning to question if Teddy was even playing the right colour.

"It's fairly nice outside. At least it's not as hot as it was last week." Remus remarked. "Maybe when you all are done with your game, we could go for a walk."

"You know, I know we've been promising to take you to that park a few blocks down." Tonks suggested lightly. "I can take you before dinner, if you'd like."

"Really?" Teddy asked.

"Sure." Tonks didn't want to continue with the frustrating game nor sit and watch the happy couple, no matter how much her heart wanted to let go of her jealousy. She pulled her sweater sleeves over her hands and got to her feet. "Remus, Cleverly, if you want to come, you can."

"Do you want to go change first?" Cleverly asked. "Your jumper'll suffocate you in that heat."

"I'm kind of cold, actually." Tonks replied, crossing her armsfor indication.

"Only because of the air conditioning." Cleverly frowned. "You'll have a stroke."

"I'm fine. I'm wearing shorts." Tonks said. She stuck her leg out in front of her. "I guess I just don't have enough fat on me yet. I'm just cold." She tried to laugh and shrug her comment off.

"Can we go now?" Teddy jumped up to his feet.

"Go get your shoes on and I'll clean up the game." His mother picked up the pieces and returned them to the box.

"Okay!" Teddy ran off to their room to find his shoes.

"Are you sure you're going to go like that?" Remus shut his book and slid to the edge of the couch.

"I'm fine." Tonks rolled her eyes. "Are you coming?"

"I'll get dinner started, then, if you're going." Cleverly said dryly, almost in a challenging manner.

"We'll be back in an hour or so." Remus replied, kissing her cheek. Cleverly actually made a sour face. "You can come if you want."

"It's okay. You three go spend some time together." Cleverly got up from the couch and returned to the other room.

"Clary..." Remus sighed and turned to Tonks. "Give me a second and I'll meet you outside." He disappeared behind his fiancee.

Teddy bounded down the porch steps, looking behind him to his mother. "Where's Dad?"

"He's behind me." Tonks replied.

"Is he fighting Clary?" Teddy asked worridly.

"No." Tonks shook her head.

"They aren't going to get hurt, are they?" The boy wondered.

"No." Tonks replied. "Normal people don't hurt each other. They're just having a disagreement."

"So no one's going to get hurt?"

"Absolutely not." His mother reassured. "They're being... they're going to act civilly. You know?"

"Yeah." Teddy said.

Remus shut the front door behind him. "Hey." He huffed.

"You alright?" Tonks asked, catching up to her son and grabbing his hand.

"We're fine." He replied.

"Do you need to not go to the park?" Tonks tried to joke.

"No, I want to go out." He replied quickly.

"Teddy, slow down, hon." She said. Teddy let go of her, turning to face them with a big smile on his face.

"Look, I can walk backwards." The boy smirked.

"Please don't." Tonks sighed.

Teddy had been eyeing the alluring playground everytime they passed on the way in or out of the neighborhood. Now, with his parents sitting on a shaded park bench just a few feet away, Teddy was awkwardly sitting in the grass, too embarrassed to go and join the others.

Remus leaned forward. "Hey," Teddy turned around and looked over to the swing set. He nodded to a group of kids talking and laughing. "There's some other kids playing over there. Why don't you go ask to join them?"

"What if they don't want me to play with them?" The boy wondered.

"Why shouldn't they?" Teddy shrugged. "You know what, I'm friends with some of their parents. Why don't I go talk to them and I can introduce you?"

"Okay." Teddy said simply.

"Wait, Teddy?" Tonks stopped them. "Please try and not talk about the camp or anyone there, okay? Just go have a good time."

"Okay." Teddy sheepishly grabbed his father's hand

"Oh, hello, Remus!" A woman Tonks did not know waved in their direction. She was standing next to what she could assume was her own son. "Good to see you out and about."

"Hello." Remus smiled. Teddy ducked behind his his father. "Sorry, my son, Teddy, was being a bit shy. He saw the others all together, I thought I might introduce him."

"I didn't know you had children." The woman said.

"Oh, yes. Just the one." Remus nodded. "He's from my first marriage. Teddy? Would you like to come say hi?"

Teddy peeked around him. "Hello."

"He's timid around new people." Remus explained.

"Oh, that's alright. Hello, Teddy." The woman smiled. "How's Cleverly doing?"

"She's fine." Remus replied. "She's back at home."

"I guess that's his mother over there then."

"Dora, yes, that's her."

The woman nodded. "Well, I'm glad the divorce wasn't so nasty after all. I'm glad you're getting time with your son. I know it can be a precious commodity."

"Very right there." Remus laughed nervously. "Anyways, Teddy, why don't you go say hello to the other boys and girls, hmm? They seem nice enough don't they."

Teddy pondered this. The woman's son came and said hello and that seemed to spark a friendship. He decided to leave his father's side and run off to play a game with some of the children.

"Dora, you're sweating." Remus frowned. "I told you, you'd get heat stroke. Do you want to head back home? Or go back aand get water?"

"I'm fine!" Tonks reassured, uncomfortably crossing her legs.

"You could at least roll your sleeves up." He suggested.

"I'll survive." Tonks squirmed, sort of leaning towards him.

"Are you okay?" She nodded. "Are you sure?" There weren't very far apart and Tonks was practically leaning on his shoulder, staring up at him. She felt an instinct to let herself give in and lay on his arm, but the image of Cleverly and the almost sweltering heat stopped her from curling up with him.

Back at the house, bedtime was progressively becoming more and more of a nightmare. To avoid the chaos, Cleverly ducked into the shower to avoid the child's fits (as much as she hated to admit it, she had absolutely no clue what to do with a screaming child). Finally, Tonks made Teddy take a dreamless potion to soothe him, but he still pitched a fit about it.

"How is he? Did he go down?" Remus asked, picking up two cups of tea, handing one to Tonks. "I'm assuming you still drink you tea the same way you did. Sorry."

"That's fine." She told him. Having something warm in her hands was comforting. "He didn't want to go to sleep, but I kept telling him that the potion would get rid of his dreams. Over and over. I don't think he believes me."

"That's all you can do right now." He told her. "If you're not heading to bed yet, I'm going to be up for a while." He made himself comfortable on the couch beside her.

"If I won't annoy you." Tonks replied, taking a sip of her tea.

He looked puzzled. "You won't annoy me."

"You're sure?"

"I could use the company."

The silence got to her quick. "Is Cleverly really okay with having me here? I get it's different with Teddy, but I just feel like-"

"If she had a problem with you, she would have said something by now." Remus told her. He took a thoughtful sip of his tea. "She's not the most tolerable of people, as you've heard. If she isn't happy, you'll hear about it before you even ask."

"It's not exactly fair to her. She didn't really sign up to all the... baggage that you came with, you know?" Tonks leaned on the side of the couch. "She's fighting with you because of me."

"Not because of you, because of me." Remus said firmly. "It's not like it's fair to you, either. You didn't ask to be caught up in this mess."

"I know, but you all had no reason or need to take us in the way you did." Tonks reasoned. "So why did you do it?"

"I know." Remus replied. "I... in a way, I still care about you and it's sort of... complicated, how I'm feeling."

"It's not complicated, you're just trying to act like a man." Tonks shot back. "Are you... was she right when she accused you of flirting with me?"

He didn't say anything at first. "You know, it's like being caught in a limbo with the two of you."

"What do you mean?" Tonks asked.

His lips pursed. "I cannot completely have either of you, can I? I'm sorry, I've never vocalized this and I need to get my thoughts figured out."

"Go on."

"On the one hand, I have Clary, who I love dearly and plan to spend the rest of my life with. I have the first woman, the first person actually, I've tried to connect with since you were taken and the first person that's connected with me." Remus explained. "I have the woman that likely kept me alive all this time when I could have been completely alone."

Tonks didn't interrupt his thought process.

"But on the other hand... I have you. I have the woman I began creating a future with before you were stolen. And sometimes, I worry that you're even more fragile than the man I was after you were gone. I have this... this terrible feeling that I might lose you again, for real, and I wouldn't know what to do, even with Cleverly."

"That's... nice of you?" Tonks replied. "I'm speechless, honestly. But I... I don't want you to give me attention solely because you think I might kill myself."

"I wouldn't, I think that there's more to it than that, but I can't explain the... the fear that I'm feeling. Not just for having you die, but to lose you in any sense. In the smallest of senses. I can't imagine myself without you. Yet, with Cleverly, I'm... I care about her, I'm affectionate with her... but... I can't... I can't have feelings like this for both of you. Above everything else, I don't want anyone to be hurt."

"Remus, and I mean this in the kindest way possible, but that's all you're doing." She sat up and scooted closer to him. "I know you have good intentions by taking care of me and Teddy, I believe you, but what you're missing is the fact that as long as I'm around, you're torturing yourself. You can have her. You two can live a perfectly happy life and have all the kids you want and end up in a retirement home together, if that's what you're wanting. So why are you doing this to yourself? Why not rip the bandage off? It's going to hurt now, but you'll be better off in the future."

His eyes suddenly became fixated on her. "Because I still want to have you. I have to. It's like... I've got a bond with you that I can't break."

"An obligation?"

"No, more of the... the other way around? It's like... I have an obligation to Cleverly. But how can I have feelings for her if I feel obligated at the same time?" Remus rubbed his hand over his face. "Why couldn't someone just give me a pamphlet at the hospital when you showed up with instructions on what to do? How do I do this? How am I supposed to act, Dora?"

"You're hexing yourself in the foot because you're being too stupid to let me go." Tonks remarked. Her words were angry, but her voice had grown soft from the start. She hadn't realized how close they had gotten to each other. His leg was rubbing up against hers and his hand was now resting on her leg, slowly reaching towards the inside of her thigh. "Get rid of me and you get rid of your problem. Run off into the sunset with her, I don't care, but I'm tired of being the reason you've got this problem."

"You are the problem." He murmured. She could feel his breathing on her neck. Was she supposed to be hurt by that remark? It felt more endearing than threatening. "Dora... I still love you."

Tonks was a bit offended. She wasn't sure what to think, but a small part of her was angry. Angry at herself and angry at him for Cleverly. Angry that he couldn't keep a wall between them. Angry that she couldn't keep the wall up herself. She thought he could be better than that and would actually be the bigger person, leaving her to her fantasies.

She actually spilled her scolding hot tea on his shirt when he leaned in to kiss her. "I'm sorry-" Tonks said quickly, reaching past him to set down her cup and grab a handful of tissues.

Remus stopped her, laughing lightly as if her shaking hands were an amusing gesture. "I don't care about that." He leaned down and kissed her. Tonks felt flustered. It was the first time in five years anyone was genuinely affectionate towards her. No ulterior motives, no harsh words, no awful breath... she had to draw herself out just to see if he would pull her back to him. He didn't. He waited for her eyes to shut and her to kiss him back.

"I... still love you too." Her voice didn't sound like her own.

Remus was persistent, but he kept his distance at first. She could tell he was waiting for him to initiate the affection. He didn't push her around. She expected an apology, or better yet, a "we can't be doing this." His hand slowly worked its way up her leg to her hip and she let it.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Tonks almost laughed. He sounded like he was using his stern teaching voice. It took everything inside of her to keep from answering with, "yes, professor."

"You never cheated on me, did you?" She asked him. Her rubbed his thumb over her hand, kissing her knuckles. They were on borrowed time.

"I didn't exactly have time to, but no, and I wouldn't have anyways." He assured her. "It's... hard it call it that. Isn't cheating when you hate someone? Or you're using them for something? I didn't think you could love someone and..." Remus couldn't bring himself to finish his thought. "This is all... weird."

"Weird." Tonks took a deep breath.

"I... I'm sorry, I'm... struggling with calling this cheating. I know that... what we're doing..." He was thinking out loud rather than trying to create an argument. He wawas slowly becoming angrier with himself, and Tonks could see it, even if he swallowed it down.

"You've made it clear you aren't breaking the wedding off." Tonks remarked. "Cut me out of the picture. You don't need me." She squirmed. "We stop now and we don't ever have to talk about this. YoYou don't need me."

"I do need you. I can't lose you again." He replied. His voice scared her. She had never before heard him sound so sure of himself yet terrified at the same time. "I can't let everyone down, either. I can't hurt her, I won't."

"You are hurting her. She just doesn't know."

"I know." He was biting the inside of his lip. "I wish I wasn't. I wish I could just..."

"Have the best of both worlds?" Tonks tilted her head. "Remus, you can't... this isn't... this isn't how this works."

He leaned in and kissed her, she softly kissed him back. "I'm so sorry."

Cleverly was standing in the bathroom, facing the mirror in her bathrobe, drying her hair with a towel. There was a knock on the door. Cleverly paused and walked over and oened the door.

"Hey, Clary." Tonks took a deep breath, awkwardly shifting her weight.

"Hey, love, what's going on?" Cleverly asked in such a sweet voice Tonks cringed.

"I was... um, I was sort of wondering..." Tonks took a deep breath. She seemed visibly anxious to talk. "I'm waiting for the water to warm up and I'm going to hop in the bath. Actually, I was wondering if you had any, er," Tonks gestured up her leg.

"A razor?"

"Yeah, that." Tonks shook her head. "Sorry. Just noticed when I was in shorts today I'm looking a bit shaggy."

"Oh, sure." Cleverly gestured her into the bathroom, digging through a drawer. She pulled out a pink plastic razor blade. "Here, just be careful. It's not been used."

"Thanks." Tonks smiled wearily.


	24. XXV

Tonks was sitting uncomfortably on the therapist's comfortable couch. "How are you doing today, Dora?" Dr. Armani asked.

"I'm good." Tonks nodded. Teddy was off in his own world, playing with some toys in the floor.

"Good." The counselor nodded.

"That's... a lie." There was a quiet pause. "I'm doing pretty bad, actually."

"What makes you feel that way? What's happened?"

"I've made an awful mistake. And I'm... I'm sort of worried that I've messed up so badly... I don't know what to do." Tonks sighed, rubbing her face. "I'm _freaking out_ , and honestly, I'm just sitting around, pretending that I'm not. I did something... I did something _awful..."_ She didn't start crying, but she was visibly distressed, holding her head in her hands.

"What did you do? Would you like to talk about it?" Dr. Armani asked.

"I..." Tonks stopped to think. She stared up at the ceiling. "I... I, um... I kissed my ex husband while his... girlfriend was in the shower."

Dr. Armani nodded. "Was it a brief kiss or a rather long one?"

"We were definitely snogging for about ten minutes." Tonks confessed. "I think for a while we were... touching? Not groping or undressing or anything, but he was just rubbing my legs and all."

"Was this something you wanted and reciprocated?"

Tonks shook her head disdainfully. "This is all my fault... I've ruined their marriage before it's even begun!"

"So this was not something you wanted to participate in?"

"I..." Tonks rubbed her face. "I wanted it. I _wanted_ him to kiss me. I _wanted_ him to touch me. I don't even _know why._ I mean, I _hated_ every second of it because all I could possibly think of was Cleverly. I _hurt_ her, _betrayed_ her trust in her own goddamn home..."

"Maybe you ought to not swear?" Armani cut in. "Just suggesting because of Teddy..."

Tonks looked over at her son. "He doesn't care. He knows not to cuss."

"Okay, then, continue." Armani nodded.

"That's all." Tonks shrugged. "I... I'm sorry... I know it's not much to go on."

"I just want to make sure." The counselor let out a sigh. "Let's begin with the kissing. Firstly, what you do know is that there is no way for you to go back and fix what's happened. It's up to you to decide how to go from here. In your heart, what do you think the best course of action is?"

"I... I don't know."

"Well... do you plan on telling her what the two of you did?"

Tonks crossed her arms, doubling over insecurely. "I don't know. Should I? She _should_ know, shouldn't she?"

"That's up to the two of you." The counselor said. "No one can stop you from informing her, but the issue would be in whether or not Remus is going to come forward and of you come forward. what he will say."

"So I should... talk to him first, right?" Tonks asked.

"If you would like, but as I said, it's still up to you whether or not you want to come forward." The other woman suggested. "You need to decide what is the most productive solution in this scenario. What would you want if you were Cleverly? Or Remus?"

"Dr. Armani," Tonks took a deep, wavering breath. "I told him I loved him."

"That... certainly throws a bit of a wrench in it." Armani laughed lightly. "Did you mean it?"

"He said it first, actually." Tonks had to ponder her words carefully. "I think... I did. I mean, I loved him, what, three months ago before I came back? Wouldn't it make sense that I still have those feelings?"

"You need to stop policing your thoughts and feelings. The only thing you can hold yourself accountable for is your actions."

"Right." Tonks replied. "But I still kissed him and told him that I love him. I should... I should tell Cleverly. It's-I mean, I would want to know if I were her, right?

"I will support you in that decision. How are you going to do it?"

"I might... I don't exactly know, actually." Tonks sighed. "I could... I could write a letter? She'll probably kick us out, so I'll need to get back to my parents..."

"It'll be nice to see them more, I'm sure."

"So... what if... what if Remus hates me? I mean, what if she kicks him out and it's all my fault?"

"If she makes the decision, that's between them." Armani explained. "You can't control them, either. I can already see you mapping out the entire plan. It's going to be alright and it's up to them to sort out their relationship. Not you. You don't dictate what they do or don't do and you aren't responsible for either of them."

She thought for a moment. "Dr. Armani... he keeps... he keeps talking about how... he wants the _both_ of us. I watch him. He juggles us around like we aren't even people, sometimes. And I am absolutely certain he doesn't mean that. He's a good person with a kind heart. But what am I supposed to do? How is he going to keep this up? They're going to get married and it's either her or me. I don't want to sound selfish, but is it wrong of me to think that I want it to be me?"

"That isn't selfish." The therapist made a note. "Perhaps if you come forward, do you think the three of you could come to some sort of agreement or arrangement that the three of you-"

"No." Tonks stopped her. "Now way. There is no way in _hell_ either of them would _-they aren't-_ no."

"They're too conservative?" Dr. Armani chuckled. "It's not for everyone. Anyways, I think this needs to be sorted out. Either separate yourself or tell Cleverly what's going on. This won't end well if you don't communicate, but he might not."

Tonks swore if Remus put one more of her bras dryer, she might actually choke him. What was he thinking? He lived with two women. When did he suddenly lose all concept of money? He had five years to figure this out! In all honesty, she likely was looking by for something to redirect her anger to.

"Dora, can we talk really quick? Privately." Cleverly announced, standing in the doorway of her room. She watched awkwardly as Tonks dug out her laundry by hand.

"Sure." Tonks shrugged. She was trying to downplay the fact that on the inside, she was completely on the verge of panicked tears. "Here, er, Teddy, why don't you go downstairs. I'll meet you in a second." She pulled out the stuffed animal he had so patiently been waiting for, brushing off the lint, and handed it to him.

"Do you... do you need help? Where's your wand?" Cleverly asked.

"Oh, I'm good." Without another word, Cleverly and the boy exchanged smiles as he passed by. "What's up?" Tonks asked.

"I've got a business meeting I've been asked to attend." Cleverly announced. "Three days in Thailand."

"That sounds fun." Tonks remarked, folding her extra sheets without making eye contact.

"I just want you to know that I wouldn't go if you didn't want me to." She threw in. Tonks couldn't help but snort with laughter. "I mean, if you aren't _comfortable_ with it. I'm serious. I don't have to go at all. I don't want to... you know... leave you alone here, with a _man..."_

"He's Remus. Wouldn't hurt a fly, would he?" Tonks's voice wavered. Cleverly's passive-aggression was taunting her with the proposition of a set up.

"It's... not that I'm holding anything against you or that I think anything actually _would_ happen, but I don't know exactly where you were with your recovery and all." Ceverly explained lightly, leaning against the washer. "And I don't know if you would feel more comfortable with a woman around compared to a man."

"Cleverly, I'm okay." Tonks said. "I promise."

"I don't _have_ to go. If you don't feel safe, I won't go-"

"I'm plenty safe. Probably safer with Remus, actually." Tonks smiled. She tried to make a joke and picked up her bra. "Unless of course I was someone's undergarments that he can't remember not to put in the dryer, I would trust him with my life."

Cleverly looked both amused and skeptical. "He does that to you too?"

For three days, kissing and light touching in the open of the house was it. And it was different experience for both of them. They had changed so much since the war that it was shocking to see how bold the other was being. They didn't quite know where they stood with one another or where they were going. Remus wouldn't even mention Cleverly or what he was going to tell (or not tell) her. Was the wedding still on as long as Cleverly stayed in the dark? They never let themselves go any further. It was Tonks who pressed forward and tried to go further, though Remus drew back. And for a moment, it hurt the both of them.

"What... are you doing?" Remus didn't seem stunned that she had attempted to make a move, but instead, he seemed curious.

Tonks, who was crawling on top of him on the sofa, blinked, suddenly awake to the fact she was practically groping him through his pants. "Oh." She chimed, frozen. "This is probably a bad idea."

Remus awkwardly shifted his eyes, his cheeks turning bright pink as he cleared his throat. "I, um-"

"Oh! I'm sorry!" Tonks drew back completely. "Sorry."

"You're... fine." Remus said awkwardly.

"I'm really sorry." She slumped down beside him. He reached over and interlocked their fingers. "Jeez, I'm so sorry." Tonks got really quiet. "That was weird and I was weird and I'm sorry."

He picked up her hand, kissing the back of it. She stared at him, trying to translate his thoughts. What did he see when he saw her? What did he feel when he touched her? What did she have that Cleverly didn't? What did Cleverly have that she didn't?

When Cleverly came home from Thailand, things seemed to go back to normal. Or at least, the normal they knew before she left. No kissing, hugging, or touching. Instead, Remus's affections were directed elsewhere. The two had to get creative. It was like chasing a high. They caught themselves alone in a bathroom at least two or three times a week, even if it was just so they could talk in private without prying eyes. Remus acted like he had this balanced out where he could manage it. He could kiss his fiancee on one cheek and turn and kiss Tonks in his next breath (assuming Cleverly had walked far enough away in that breath). Tonks meanwhile was ashamed, not just for herself, but for him just as well.

Tonks couldn't figure it out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find the point where his logic stopped and his emotions began. She wondered if he knew. She kept trying to look behind his eyes, but he seemed shut down, blocking her out. She could fight her way out of a rotting garden shed, but she couldn't fight her way into his mind. Worst of all, the dead-eyed expression was familiar, yet Tonks couldn't pinpoint it.

She had to quite literally catch him one night and drag him into the bathroom. "Talk. Now."

"What-" He ducked inside, pulling the door shut. "What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong?_ Are you _crazy?_ Do you not see what's going on?" Tonks demanded.

Remus looked astonished. "Excuse me, but I am not a mind reader. What's going on?"

 _"You_. Look, I'm sorry, but I'm getting sick and tired of this... thing _fucking_ _game."_ Tonks huffed. "I thought we were done after that night. And I'm leaving."

"Leaving? What?" He grabbed her by the shoulders. "No, no, no, hang on, what are you talking about?"

"I'm _tired_ of helping you cheat." She growled. "I'm _tired_ of being the accomplice and I'm tired of spending every waking moment thinking about Cleverly. You're being completely and utterly _selfish."_ In a flourish, she shoved him off.And if you _put your hands_ on me again, so help me, you won't _have_ hands."

"Dora, listen to me, it's not like that-" He took a step towards her and she hit his arm.

 _"Leave me alone."_ Tonks replied.

"Dora," He sighed. Her body whipped around. His eyes were doing the _thing._ They were blocking her out, locking his thoughts and emotions on the inside.

"What the _fuck."_ Tonks gasped. _"Why_ do you do this? You're... you're doing it! _Just-"_

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked calmly.

"When we were," She could feel her throat closing with angry tears. "when we were dating, you did this... this _thing._ You block people out. I can't read you..." Her breath was getting heavy. "You're keeping me out."

"I'm..." He looked shocked. "Dora, please listen to me. Look at me, I love you. I love you and I want to have you with me."

"No, you _don't."_ She scoffed. "You _'love'_ me like some sort of teenage _boy._ I'm a piece of _meat_ to you."

"I do not! That's not what this is!" Remus was furiously shook his head. "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do... I... I wanted to make both of you happy."

"You're _fucking engaged,_ Remus!" Her voice was starting to raise. He shushed her. _"Breaking news,_ I'm not going on your _fucking honeymoon!_ You need to sort this out _now!"_

"I... am!" He shot back.

Tonks shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, _sure you do."_

"Dora, I'm so sorry." He pleaded. "You don't understand what's going on. I-"

"I've heard enough." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "Now go away."

"Dor-"

"Remus, just go." Her fists were clenching into angry fists. She listened as her shut the door behind him. She wanted to hit something. Or someone. In a morbid sort of way, she wondered if she could punch a hole in the wall that exposed the bones in her knuckles, splattering blood all over until she felt nothing. Her alternative was a lot less blood spatter and bone.


	25. XXVI

Remus was awoken by a furious five year old trying to shake him awake. "Daddy! Dad, please! You have to wake up quick!" The boy sounded urgent.

"What's going on?" He asked sleepily. "What's wrong?"

"It's Mummy!" Teddy cried. "Please, you have to help her! She won't wake up!"

Cleverly was stirring in her sleep. "What do you mean she won't wake up?" Remus demanded, already throwing the blanket off of him. "Where is she?"

"She won't get up..." The boy was furiously dragging his father down the hallway into the bedroom.

"Hang on, wait here just a second." Remus told him. There was a terrible pit in his stomach when he entered the room. "Dora? Dora, it's Remus." Her body was slumped over in bed, buried by the blankets. He walked over to her, trying to uncover her from the blanket, and grabbing her shoulder to roll her over. She resisted him. Remus let out a sigh. "Teddy, you can come back in."

"Is she _dead?"_ Teddy wondered.

"No." Remus replied, letting her go. "Dora, it's Remus. Are you awake? You don't have to get up. We just got worried is all."

She groaned, ignoring him and squirmed back down into the covers. "Is she gonna be okay?" Teddy asked sheepishly.

"She's tired, is all." Remus told the boy. "Let's let her sleep in for a bit. She's okay."

"Oh." Teddy said, still watching his mother. "She wasn't moving." He whispered.

"She's wants to sleep is all." Remus encouraged. He patted the boy's shoulder, trying to ease the tension off of the situation. "Come on, are you hungry?"

"No." The boy shook his head. He grabbed his father's hand. He still seemed very upset. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Teddy." Remus reassured. "I'd rather you come wake me up than not if you thought something was wrong."

"What's wrong?" Cleverly almost walked right into them. "What's going on? Where's Dora?"

"She's perfectly fine." Remus said. "I think she's having an off morning."

Tonks stayed in bed through the morning. Cleverly went to work and the only thing they heard from Tonks was the once or twice to head to the bathroom when no one was looking. Remus had to really play dad today, being in charge of feeding, dressing, and entertaining Teddy to the best of his abilities, even if it meant not wearing the cleanest of shirts or arguing about what was and wasn't considered breakfast food (Teddy had recently found that the real world lacked certain structures of the camp and not being told what or how much to eat for breakfast was one of them). Mid-afternoon, Remus owled Andromeda and told her that Tonks wasn't feeling well and still hadn't gotten out of her bed. He feared either an intervention needed to be staged or something terrible would happen if no one proceeded to act soon.

"How do owls know where to go?" Teddy asked his father. He was on his heels as he was going through the weekly cleaning of the house.

"I think they're just smart like that." Remus replied. He would wave his wand to pick up the books on the bookshelf, cleaning away the dust behind them. Teddy's job was to wipe off the most dusty books. "Did your mum tell you that your other grandparents are coming to visit for a couple of days?"

"I have _other_ grandparents?" Teddy asked. "Who are they?"

"My parents." Remus explained. "They wanted to come and visit when you and your Mum came back, but they didn't want you to be overwhelmed."

"Why?" Teddy asked.

"Well, things were scary for all of us when you got here." Remus explained.

Teddy smirked with an idea. He crept up behind his father, jumping on his leg. "Boo!"

"Oh, gosh-" Remus feigned surprise, going as far as to drop his wand, the few books that were suspended in the air followingit to the floor. Teddy laughed and jumped up and down.

"I got you! I got you!" He boasted. "See, I can be scary!"

"You got me!" Remus chuckled, picking up the books. "You're quite good at that, you know." Teddy playfully bared his teeth and growled with the meanest face he could manage. Remus just shook his head and went back to the books.

"You must read a lot." Teddy remarked.

"I have a lot of free time." His father sighed. "Mum and I are going to talk about me going back to work."

"Why?"

"I know people are being plenty nice with gifts and such, but I miss working and I can't sit around here forever." Remus replied.

"So.. does that mean you're acting entitled?" Teddy asked.

"No, I... how do you know what that means?"

"Mummy told me."

"She told you that I'm entitled?"

"No she said people who don't work are entitled."

"Well, I don't think that's completely true all the time." Remus tilted his head, reaching the back of the bookcase to clean up the dust. "Right now, my job isn't to make money, but to take care of you and Mum."

Teddy frowned. "What's wrong with Mummy?"

"What are you referring to?"

"She didn't get up today." Teddy said. "Is she going to get up tomorrow?"

"I would bet so. She might even be hungry enough to get up for dinner." Remus said. "She's... I think what happened at camp left a toll on her. She can just be very sad and worn out sometimes, and that's okay, as long and she isn't sad forever."

"But that's not fair." The boy huffed.

"I know," Remus replied, handing a book to him. "But you have to understand that she can't get better in a few days or weeks or months, or probably even years."

"She can't sleep for years, she would starve to death, right? Or would she be like sleeping beauty and sleep until someone comes and saves her?" Teddy wondered.

Remus "I think she has to be the one to save herself."

That night, Cleverly came home and Tonks was still unheard from. Hope had owled, announcing that they would be there promptly the next day and would not be staying overnight. Teddy was brushing his teeth when Remus went for his final check-in on Tonks.

She was facing the wall opposite the door. One of the pillows was lying on the floor. "Dora?" He asked. "It's just me. Are you okay?" Tonks only groaned. He sat down on the edge of the bed, which she allowed, reaching over to touch her shoulder beside her neck, which she approved less of, but relaxed into.

He never intended for any of this to happen, to spiral out of control the way it did. Somewhere inside of him, he hoped maybe he would see Dora again and be able to call her his friend. Or maybe he would see her and be able to come forward with the truth about Cleverly. He never meant to kiss Tonks. He never meant to realize how much he truely loved her. He hoped he could compartmentalize his feelings or shove them so far down he couldn't see them to the point that he would never have to worry. He could live comfortably. But now things weren't just _bad._ Things were as terrible as he could possibly imagine.

In a way, if he didn't think too much about it, it wasn't his problem. He didn't have to worry about the past or the future. He could push away all of his obligations and thoughts. He could forget for a moment, all of the terrible things. He could stop blaming himself for the trauma inflicted on his family and in the same way, he could simply stop blaming himself for the pain he was inflicting on both Tonks and Cleverly. But the night before had struck a chord with him. When Tonks shouted at him, he could feel the guilt wash over him like a tsunami, drowning out any thoughts that weren't restless or angry.

This was very much his problem now and he had to act quickly. Impulsive decisions had always been his downfall. What were people supposed to think about him? Would Molly Weasley or Harry or even his own parents look at him the same way if he went and announced he was ditching his fiancee? Would Tonks even want him if he gave up everything for her? Would she feel pressured if he did? Would she be able to be happy again? Would Ted and Andromeda take him back as their true son-in-law? Financially, what was going to happen? At least he and Cleverly hadn't consolidated bank accounts, but now that he was unemployed, there was no way he could provide for himself, much less for the others. He wouldn't have a home, Remus was sure of. He wouldn't have anything, really. Perhaps he and Cleverly would split in two directions and the house would go to no one.

And what about Cleverly? How could he salvage a relationship, a friendship, when he blantly left her high and dry for another woman? He was already trying to distance himself. In a way, she was almost doing the same. He saw less and less of her (though again, she was now their sole income). She seemed... fake, in a way. Whenever she went to kiss him, it was as if she was kissing him simply to assert some sort of dominance when Tonks was around. Behind closed doors, Cleverly had been cold. She hardly did or said anything of the romantic sort lately, not that Remus did either. In a way that quite frankly twisted knots in his stomach, he hoped they would drift apart, or if there was a wide enough wedge between them, cutting it off wouldn't hurt so bad. Maybe she was already emotionally invested in someone else. Maybe she wanted to move on anyway. Maybe she saw this coming.

But he couldn't count on any of those things happening. He couldn't count on losing her. He had to be the one to man up.

"Tomorrow's going to be better." Remus told her. "Teddy and I had a good day today, but we missed you. I just... I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're going through this and I'm sorry if I inflicted it upon you last night and I completely understand if you are distancing yourself because you want nothing to do with me, but I want you to know that you didn't hurt my feelings or do anything wrong and that whatever you're feeling you're justified in feeling."

He didn't really feel like she was listening, nor did he really think he was talking. "I'm just... I'm sorry and I'm fixing things, okay? I'm trying to fix things and if you think that it's best for you to block yourself out of this mess and have nothing to do with me, I completely understand, but staying in bed all day, everyday isn't the answer. I don't want to lose you, okay? Please talk to me, it doesn't have to be right now, but I want you to know that I want you to be apart of my life."

Remus sat and listened to her breathing. "My parents are coming tomorrow to see you and Teddy. I'm asking if you could please try and get up tomorrow, maybe just throw on some clean clothes and comb your hair, if that's all you think you can manage. I can take care of Teddy. I think they just want to see how you're doing. Please don't make up thoughts for them, I'm sure just from their last visit, you have no idea what they're going to say or think about you. Please just give them a chance."

Tonks still didn't speak, now further burying herself in blankets. "Is it still alright if Teddy sleeps in here tonight? He can stay in our bed or we can out him on the couch. I just don't want him keeping you up, okay? And please eat something tomorrow. Just... don't forget again. I'll leave you alone now and let him come say goodnight."

Remus stood up slowly. He didn't want to take his eyes off of her. "I really did mean what I said last night." He said in a lower voice. "I hope you weren't just trying to make me happy." He walked out the door. "Goodnight, Dora."


	26. XXVII

**AN: I'm sorry I keep updating. Like, I'm really sorry. I feel like I've wrecked this story and it's characters, but here you go anyways, a new chapter.**

"Is she still in bed?" Cleverly asked. Currently, she was digging through her bag for something.

"Teddy's not up yet, so I'm not worried." Remus replied not looking up from the newspaper, in fact, very much worried. "Are you... going somewhere?"

"Since your parents are on their way, I'm going to go get some of those peaches your mother likes from the market. And all I'm going to say is that I don't want an owl from the hospital." Cleverly said dryly.

 _"Cleverly_

"What? You're not thinking what I'm thinking?" She said in a low voice. "I'm trying to be practical."

"And if you did get a letter, what would you do?" Remus demanded.

"I'm just pointing out how unstable she is." She defended. "Haven't you noticed?"

"And what? Are you waiting for something to happen?" He prompted. "I don't think she's in crisis, but if you have conflicting opinion, please speak up now."

"I don't know." Cleverly simply said. She walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "I don't know."

Remus waited for the door to close behind her. He was growing more and more restless now, and as embarrassed as he was, he couldn't sit still. He got up and began pacing, all of his terrible thoughts swarming him and stinging him like angry wasps. Suddenly, there was a figure in the doorway.

"Good morning." Remus chimed, stopping in his tracks.

"Hey." Tonks walked over to him, awkwardly waiting for him. In a child-like way, she wrapped her arms around his middle, holding on tightly to him.

"I'm sorry." He replied. "I'm sorry about yesterday and I'm sorry for every starting up this mess and I'm... I'm... I'm working on fixing this, I just... I'm between a rock and a hard place. But I'm going to fix this. This isn't working for anyone."

Tonks shook her head. "It's okay. I'm not angry at you." Her voice grumbled into his chest. "You're the least of my problems right now."

"Are you feeling bad?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay." Tonks shrugged. He was letting her continue to hug him.

"Are you running a fever? Is it your head? What's wrong, could you be more specific?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"I never should have said that I loved you back." Tonks replied. "I stirred up this mess. I'm so sorry."

"That's not what happened-Dora, no." His voice grew weak. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, _so_ sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you, I kept checking on you yesterday because I thought something awful had happened to you. I think that came out wrong. I don't want you to misunderstand what I'm about to say."

She drew back. "Misunderstand?"

Remus clenched his fists nervously, his mouth hanging open with no words coming out. "You're-you're going to hate me when I say this."

She slowly stepped backwards, tripping on the edge of the counter. "I... no, I get it. I'm not angry, really, I understand-"

"Dora, I... can we sit down and talk for a second?"

"What is it?" Tonks asked. "I don't want to sit down, I want to know what I'm supposed to hate you for."

"I'd like to ask you something, and I want you to be completely honest with me." Remus asked. He took a deep breath. "Please, let's just sit down for a minute. I want to have a discussion."

Tonks walked over to the kitchen table sitting uncomfortably stiff. Her breathing was uneasy, her arms crossed over her lap uncomfortably. "What's wrong?"

Remus sat across from her. He took her hands in his. "Dora, I'm sure this is going to be a bit uncomfortable. But if you had to say what your optimal future would be, how would you describe it?"

Tonks swallowed uncomfortably. "I... I want you to be happy. Teddy is my number one priority, but I care about you're well being second. I want what's best for you."

"Dora, I want to hear what _you_ want." He asked.

Tonks shook her head and avoided his eye contact. "I... I think you know what I would want. But... but I wouldn't want it, Remus, because you wouldn't be happy."

"Dora, you don't know that." He said softly. "I know what I'm doing isn't right, but I'm..." Remus cleared his throat. "I can't stop thinking about you. About us."

"Us." Tonks repeated.

"You and me and Teddy." He remarked. "I want to start over. I-I want us to start back where we used to be." Guilt twisted in his stomach. "I'm so sorry, I should have just- I shouldn't have said that, I... I can't keep leading both of you on like this. I can't keep this up. If this could be some fantastical scenario, I... wouldn't want to lose you, either of you. But none of us can keep living like this. It's not good for you or Cleverly or Teddy."

Tonks sat quietly, listening. "I'm... I couldn't agree to that. I couldn't agree to ruin someone's life."

"You wouldn't-" His voice tried to sound reassuring, but he seemed to run out of words. They sat there quietly for a while. "I swear, I used to have dreams about you. It was like... part of me always wished you had been alive, and the other part was convinced you still had to be. It was like I always knew you were alive, if I could just find you."

"You found me." She said in a light hearted voice.

"I did." He swallowed a hard knot in his throat. "And now I can't afford to lose you again."

"Remus-"

"What?" He asked lightly. She didn't respond, even though he waited for her. "It's... after we were... I feel like a part of me is still missing."

"Because I'm not what you expect me to be."

"It's because I can't completely have you." Remus said, squeezing her hand.

"What more do you want from me?" Tonks whispered. "Remus, I... I'm not a piece of meat and I don't want you to look at me like all I can give you is sex, that's _weird-"_

"This isn't about sex." He replied. "I want the woman I fell in love with the first time. I know you've been through so much and you've changed tremendously, and I'm not trying to insult that. If we could only just be together-"

"You're scaring me-"

"Dora, I... I still love her, but the reason I fell in love with her was when you were gone. I never expected to have you again and now I do and I-" He sounded like he was getting choked up. "Forgive me, but I only wanted to protect both of you. This isn't that simple, but I want to fix this."

"What?"

"I can't lose you again." He said in a low, shaky grumble. "This was something I thought about for years after you were gone. I just... I want to have my wife, my family back."

"We're not the same person." Tonks said softly. "You can't get her back."

"I don't care how much you've changed or what sort of hell you had to go through, you're my wife and I made a promise to you to take care of you." He told her, still keeping her very close to him. There was a quiet pause. "I told you that once the war was over and we actually had a cent to our name, we could properly get married and-"

"Remus," Tonks pulled back. "No. No, we can't. This-this _fantasy_ or whatever that you're trying to live out is not happening, alright?"

He watch her in a very concerned manner. "Why? We could leave, the two of us and Teddy, we could start over. This doesn't have to be the way we-"

"I'm sorry." She said quickly. "I'm so sorry, but we can't. You can't have your cake and eat it too, and I absolutely refuse to be some plot device in your runaway scheme." Her fight or flight reaction began to set off as the notion of what they had done settled in her brain.

"Dora, please, I don't know what to do." Remus pleaded. "I don't know how to fix this properly. Please, help me, help me figure this out."

Tonks sucked in a breath. "What are you going to do? What's your plan? Are you going to just ditch Cleverly?"

"Not... not at this exact second." Remus replied. "You know my parents are coming, right? If we can get through today, I'm going to sit down with her. We'll get our belongings figured out."

She shook her head. "What's Cleverly going to say? Is she going to be angry?"

"I know she will be." He nodded. "But I have no idea what's going to happen. I don't know what she'll say."

"I can't believe we're doing this. I can't believe this... I can't... I don't..." Tonks's breathing was quickening. A panic attack was starting. She lurched, collapsing in her own lap. "Oh my god..."

"Hey, it's okay," He crooned. Remus quickly got into the floor, holding her head in his chest. "We'll figure this out. We'll fix this."

 _"What are you doing..."_ Tonks heaved. _"Why_ are you doing this? _We're_ _never going to be happy... we're going to just end up suffering forever..."_

"Shh..." He continued to rub her head.

"Remus..." She croaked. _"Please_ tell me you feel as miserable as I do about this... _please_ tell me you have some kind of remorse..."

Remus pulled away from her, closing his eyes, and kissing the top of her head. "I feel like the worst human being to ever exist." He earnestly confessed. "The stupidest, most selfish human being in the world."

Cleverly was certainly the homemaker of the house and having company over only made her want to show off. Of all the things she felt, Tonks felt mostly jealous of her. She was the younger, out-of-place sore thumb at the table. Hope and Cleverly both looked well dressed and proper. Remus looked cleaned up and Lyall was certainly put together. She felt sloppy wearing the only clean heavy sweater she could find.

"So tell me, young man, how old are you?" Hope inquired.

"Five." Teddy replied. He was unceremoniously filling his mouth with green beans. _Of course_ Cleverly could make green beans in a way he actually liked.

"Please have some manners." His mother chided. "Take smaller bites."

"M'kay." Teddy replied.

Tonks swore she saw a smile creep onto Hope's face. "And how are you doing, Dora?"

"Fine." Tonks shrugged. "It's... you know, it's a lot less exciting here." She tried to laugh lightly. "Gets boring when you've got nothing to keep you preoccupied with. I guess I'm just glad to have Teddy. It's never boring with him."

"I'm not boring. I know how to play checkers." Teddy boasted. He was always happy to have more eyes on him. His mother admired him fondly. "And chess, and gobstones, and cards."

"Yes, and you're rather good." Tonks said lightly. "And what else? You got your hair to change just last week for the first time?"

"Yeah! Mummy said I got it turn blonde!" Teddy smiled.

"Really?" Lyall asked. "So he's a metamorphmagus like you?"

"Yeah." Tonks took a bite of her roll. "He sort of has to... relearn how to morph though. I think I've decided I don't want to learn. I'm perfectly content the way I am."

"So what are you two going to do? Is Teddy going to start school soon?" Lyall asked.

"No, I think in the fall I'm going to homeschool him. There's been word of a settlement going around the Ministry for some of the victims. I'm hoping with that, and whatever I've still got in the bank, we can get ourselves our own little place." Tonks stared down at her plate. Suddenly she felt guilty for bringing up camp that many times already.

"Do you think that homeschooling him will just make him more isolated from people he can relate to?"

"Lyall-"

"No, it's okay." Tonks shrugged. "I want him to be able to go to school eventually. Hell, you know, if he gets his Hogwarts letter, I'm all for it. I just think right now sticking him in a completely foreign environment wouldn't be best for him."

"What's foreign mean?" Teddy asked.

"Unfamiliar." His mother said.

"And what's Hogwarts letter?"

"Hogwarts is a school for learning magic, but that's a long ways away." Tonks replied.

"So I can learn magic like you?"

"Maybe." Tonks took a bite of food. "And we've talked about getting a p-e-t."

"I know what that spells!" Teddy beamed. "Mummy said we could get a bunny."

"I said we could _consider_ it, once we get the new place to live in, and if they allow it."

"Are you looking into getting a job at all?" Lyall asked.

"Oh, absolutely." Tonks nodded. "Remus and I both, actually. We've spent the last weekend working on looking for places that are hiring. It's unfortunate that so many magical jobs aren't allowing him to go for an interview. Until then, like I said, I'm banking on the settlement. And possible disability, but I'm not sure about the qualifications behind that."

"So you won't be going back to being an auror, then." Hope remarked.

"I would love to work for the auror division, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for the field anymore." Tonks could feel Lyall and Hope's silent judgements. "Right now, I'm just trying to get by. Hopefully we won't be on welfare and charity forever."

There was an almost awkward silence. "I'm sure it must be difficult, integrating back into the world the way you are." Hope remarked.

"It's... an adventure, to say the least." Tonks replied. "Some days, it's crying because you come to the sudden realization that you've never taught your son what a duck is, other days you're crying because you're appreciating that you haven't genuinely had a scraped knee or slammed finger from something as innocent as everyday things in years. It's nice. It's nice to cry about the stupid stuff. You don't get to do that often." She realized that she was practically talking to herself. She picked up her fork, sliding her food around her plate.

"Dora, if you ever need anything," Hope leaned across the table. "please don't ever be afraid to speak up."

"I'm fine." Tonks nodded. "Thank you."

Cleverly had a constipated look on her face. "I made peach pie if anyone wants any."


	27. XXVIII

Things were _weird._ _Everything_ was weird. And the next morning at breakfast, something seemed very wrong. Tonks was already dressed and was too busy to sit down or eat. Remus seemed lethargic and slow.

"We're going back to Grandma and Grandpa's house." Tonks announced.

"Do we _have_ to?" Teddy asked. He didn't want to eat and was picking at his cereal. "I like it here, and-"

"I'm sorry." She explained. "Make sure you have your stuff together. I'll find something to put it in."

"What about Clary?"

Tonks lowered her voice so only Teddy could hear. "She had to work last night. I wrote her a very long letter explaining the situation. She'll see it when she gets back soon. She's... probably going to be angry with me when she reads it."

"Why?" Teddy asked.

"It's complicated." His mother left it at that. He was at least a tiny bit offended. Why did so many things have to be too complicated for him?

Remus walked over to the table. Teddy looked to him desperately. "Daddy? Do we really have to leave?"

His father looked up from his cereal. "I believe it may be for the best if you did. Just for now."

"Why?" He looked between his parents. They had the table separating them. "Are you fighting?"

 _"No."_ They both said simultaneously.

"Teddy, sweetheart, there's no easy way to explain this, but we're both trying to sort some things out right now. And until they get... sorted, we have to stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house, okay?" Tonks explained softly.

"I thought we were supposed to be apart of-"

"Teddy," his mother said sternly. "You can't understand what's going on and it's okay. But we have to go back."

"Are we in trouble?" The boy asked. "Did Mister Greyback get out?"

"You're perfectly safe." Remus said. For a brief second, his eyes flashed up towards Tonks. "It's more personal."

"But you aren't fighting." Teddy said.

"No." Tonks said. "Now hurry up. I'd like to leave as soon as Cleverly comes back from work."

"Are we coming back?"

"Maybe." His mother replied. She kissed the top of his head. "I can't exactly make any promises on much from here on out."

Tonks had owled her father, who promptly came to get them and their stuff. Cleverly wasn't far behind her, in fact, the two exchanged awkward greetings as Tonks hauled her stuff outside. She wasn't surebif it was better or worse that she had to look the woman in the eye when she handed over her letter. Cleverly had barely had a chance to pour herself coffee when Remus stopped her.

"Wait, before you open that-" Remus stopped her as she was tearing open the envelope with her fingernail. "You need to hear something from me first."

"Remus?" Cleverly asked. "Did you... did you happen to know that I was on a werewolf hit list?"

"What list?" Remus asked.

"Well... I just found out this morning." Cleverly said softly. "If Dora and Teddy hadn't come back... they... the werewolves were going to kill me."

Remus stared at her in shock. Sure, being hunted by werewolves was always a possibility, but definitively? "You mean... you're positive? They _would have_ murdered you."

"I don't think they would have kidnapped me, no." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, like I said, I was snooping when I found out. I mean, I'm glad I'm safe and all, but to think if they had just waited a few more weeks..." The thought frightened her. She shivered.

"Cleverly, we need to talk." He informed her. "And... I'll go ahead and tell you what's in the envelope."

"What's wrong? Remus?"

Remus took a deep, unsteady breath. "Clary, I want you to know how much I love you. I care about you and worry about you all the time. I want you to have the best possible life you can have, but I... I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I never intended to hurt you. I hope that... maybe you can forgive me, or at least forget me."

Cleverly gripped the countertop unsteadily. "What did you do?" She demanded.

Remus swallowed uncomfortably. "Dora and I... we've been... for a while now, we've been planning on leaving togeth-"

Before he could even brace himself, a fist came flying at his shoulder, sending his stumbling backwards to catch himself. _"Really?"_ Cleverly shouted.

"Wait, please, hear me out, please, just for a moment-" Remus pleaded.

"And why should I, hmm?" Cleverly spat. "I _can't_ _believe_ you! I _absolutely_ cannot believe you, you lying, two-faced bastard! What, did you at least wash the bedsheets when you were done using her up the same way you _used_ me?"

Remus closed his eyes, holding his arm. "Yes, it's my fault for starting-"

"Yeah, no _shit,_ it's your fault!" Cleverly raised her voice.

"Cleverly Borrows, if you would _shut up_ for _half a second!"_ She pursed her lips angrily. Remus sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that and it was wrong of me. Listen, I'm trying to apologize for this, and I'm genuinely sorry for acting the way I have, with Dora and with you, but we're through. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you and how wonderful you were and how none of this was your fault, but in all honestly, when you act like this, I'm much less sympathetic."

"When I act like _what?_ Oh, I'm not allowed to be _angry?"_

"You have every right to feel whatever you want, you didn't have to hit me! I don't care if I deserve it, it's uncalled for!"

"But having someone on the side wasn't?"

"I... I'm not trying to justify what I did. But I can't go back and fix it. I wanted to talk to you and I had no idea how to. The _last_ thing I wanted was to hurt you and I know how wrong I was."

"So what now?"

"I'm leaving." He had to force the words out painfully. "Dora and I are... probably, going to find jobs and we're going to move somewhere with Teddy. I'll take my belongings, which, I'm already packing up, but you can stay here all you like."

"I assume you'll be wanting this back then." Cleverly pried off her engagement ring and set it on the counter.

"No need." Remus said simply. "Dora still has hers. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"Oh, so that's it? You just play me for months on end and now you're going to just... _ditch me?_ You're an absolute lying, scumbag!" Cleverly raised her voice.

"Maybe if you hadn't hauled off and hit me, I might consider still being your friend." He informed her. "Yes, there was no excuse for what I did and I'm sorry. I wish I could have sorted this out better. In all honestly, I still think you're a very lovely woman and all, and I'm sorry for chosing to do this. This was... I enjoyed the time I spent with you, but I'm not over Dora yet. It would be best if the two of us cut it off."

Cleverly huffed. "I can't _believe_ you." She said in a low voice. "I can't _believe_ you would do something like this!"

"I'm sorry." Remus said softly.

"So what now? Where are you going?"

He didn't answer at first. "I'm not going to say, simply because I don't want you to come and find me. But I will be safe. I... hope that... like I said, maybe we're still in the realm of possibility of friendship."

"Friendship?" Cleverly laughed sarcastically. "Oh, Oh right, I _absolutely_ want to be _best friends_ with the man that went and _fucked around_ behind my back! While we were supposed to be getting married!"

"We weren't... Cleverly, I never slept with her. Not since she came back." Remus said defensively.

"Oh, right. Yeah, sorry, that really takes the _sting_ out of being dumped." She snapped. "For some-" She was wreathing with anger, searching for an insult to call her.

The two stood quietly for what felt like an eternity. "I've got my bags started. I know that some of the furniture is mine, but I'm not going to fight you for it. I'll be packed up before tonight and out of your hair before dinner."

"What about the letter?" Cleverly asked.

"It's an apology from Dora. I'm not even sure what it says, I never read it." He said. "Her words, not mine."

"I..." Cleverly inhaled sharply. "I hope you're happy."

"I hope you're happy, as well." Remus said. "I hope you can find peace in this decision. And I hope you know that this isn't your fault. You couldn't have helped this. You couldn't have known that she never died."

"I hope that you can live with yourself knowing that you're a liar and a cheater, and I hope that you at least treat _her_ with an ounce of respect."

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too." Cleverly said. "I'm sorry that I was so _stupid_ but I'm sure you're thankful for it, aren't you?"

"Clary, I..." He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure anything I do can fix this, but I want you to know that I _do_ love you."

"Then _why?_ Why did you do this?" Cleverly demanded. "You just... you love her more, don't you?"

"I'm sorry." Remus shook his head.

"How soon can you be out of here?"

"I'll be apperating back and forth for a bit. Please don't mind me. Like I said, I'll be out of your hair."

"I won't." With that, Cleverly disappeared down the hall.

Andromeda was confused when her daughter appeared at the doorstep, holding a trash bag and the hand of her five year old.

"What did he do this time?" Andromeda sighed.

Her daughter pushed past her, setting down their stuff in the floor and picking Teddy up. "It's... it's a long story."

"You'd better hurry up then, I haven't got all day." Andromeda put her hands on her hip.

Tonks stroked the boy's hair. "Remus and Cleverly are splitting. It's because of me."

Andromeda sighed. "Naturally. I think we all knew it was inevitable."

"So what, you all were just placing bets against her or me?"

"No, your father and I simply suspected that something would happen... with you around, I think many of us suspected that it wouldn't work out between them. _Especially_ having you in such close quarters." Andromeda replied. "So what broke the camel's back?"

"What camel?" Teddy asked.

"It's a metaphor." His mother said.

"What's a metaphor?"

"Something that isn't real. It's figurative." Tonks said. "I told Remus I wasn't going to keep snogging him in the bathroom if I can help it. He got really upset."

"He was _mad_ at _you?_ _"_

"At himself, I think." Tonks shook her head. "We're supposed to be 'figuring it out'."

"Uh oh." Ted remarked. "That sounds bad."

"I have no clue what his plan of action is. I guess I'm getting a job abs we'll be looking for someplace to live, but it's going to small and I gave no clue how to get childcare."

"Well, you're looking right at us." Ted said bluntly. "Do you actually think we're going to leave you flailing in the wind? You're our daughter. We love you. We're going to protect you. Molly Weasley would be glad to help, too. And that French girl, what's-her-name?"

"Fleur."

"Yes, her!" Ted nodded. "Have you two eaten? I was thinking if you want, we can go out and eat."

"I'm fine with that." She nodded and set Teddy down and grabbed the trash bag. "Let me go put our stuff up."

"Mummy?" Teddy followed her upstairs.

"Yeah, what's up?" Tonks asked.

"So... you and Daddy are fighting?"

"No," She shook her head. "Dad and Clary are fighting. We're... Dad and I are... we're trying to get back together."

Teddy considered this. "So... _you're_ marrying him?"

She tilted her head. "We... we're not quite there yet. We're... _dating,_ sort? I don't know."

He jumped up on the bed. "Do you still love him?"

"Yeah." She replied.

"Does he love you too?"

"I... I think so."

"So why can't you get married?"

"We have to date first and then we can consider getting married." His mother explained.

"Oh." He nodded. "I really like waffles. That'd be nice for breakfast."

"Yeah?" Tonks chuckled, kissing the top of his head again. "That sounds great."


	28. XXIX

**AN: Extra early update! Extra long chapter! I don't want to keep updating every five seconds because I have no self control! Enjoy!**

"Remus? It's me, Dora. I'm alone." Tonks knocked on the door to the inn room. "It's been a day since we've talked and I'm worried something happened with Cleverly, because you said you would try and get in touch with me last night. Are you okay? Did something go wrong?"

There was no answer. She had talked to the wizard downstairs, leading on somehalf-true sob story about how she was worried about her husband and needed to talk to him immediately. Recognizing her from the paper alongside the guilting, he eventually let slip which room Remus was staying in.

"I'm guessing the door's locked and I'm not about to bust it down, so could you please come over and tell me you're okay?" Tonks asked.

She could hear heavy footsteps slowly drudge over to the door and unlock it. On the other side she could see Remus, still in his clothes from the day before, though they were clearly slept in. His hair hadn't been brushed and his skin looked sickly pale.

"Merlin's hairy ballsack, how much did you drink last night?" Tonks asked.

"Was that a serious question?" Remus shut his eyes. The blue veins behind them were visible and dark in his eye sockets.

"No." Tonks replied. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." He shrugged.

Tonks noted that he dumped his trunk by the door as she almost fell over it. He hadn't bothered unpacking anything. Then again, neither of them knew how long the stay would be for. The curtains blacked out the room almost completely. She found an entire empty bottle of firewhiskey on his dresser, picking it up, and gagging. "God, just thinking about that gives me heartburn. Since when can you drink a whole bottle like that, Mr. Lightweight-Lupin? What, was this a hobby you picked up after I disappeared?"

"Forget it." He shook his head.

"Are you at least drinking fluids?"

"No." Remus confessed, rubbing his tired face. He stumbled towards the bed, sitting on the edge.

"I'm guessing you just woke up." Tonks walked over to the window, opening the curtains slightly. He winced, cowering away from the sunlight and sitting back on the bed. She made her way to the bathroom. "Really glamorous set up you've got here."

"Best I'm getting for now." He yawned. "You don't have to-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tonks remarked, handing him a glass of water. "So tell me, what's the plan from here on out?"

He didn't hesitate to finish the glass, setting it on the nightstand. "Dora, I cannot feel my brain enough to have any sort of complex brain functioning right now." Remus replied, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. "And if you would be so kind as to not play with the curtains, that would be much appreciated."

Tonks's foot kicked the metal bin beside the bed as she sat down on the bed beside him. "Good on you for at least putting a bag in there first. I'm guessing things went far from well yesterday."

"There aren't words to describe how bad it went." Remus replied, shutting his eyes

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly." He grumbled. "I'd rather forget."

"Anything I can do to cheer you up? I've got something quick to say and then I'll be out of your hair if it's best I leave."

"It doesn't hurt to have you around." He said lightly. "I'll take something in a bit, I think I just need to rest for a moment."

"You've not been throwing up a lot, have you?" She asked.

"Not really, why?" He barely peeked his eyes open when she leaned forward and kissed him. He fumbled around, trying to grab ahold of her hand. He squeezed her palm and she returned the gesture. "Was this what you wanted to say?" Remus remarked breathlessly.

"No." Tonks crawled up onto the bed, straddling his waist with her knees. Her hands tenderly grasped the sides of his face as they kissed. His hands worked their way up her sides against her bare skin, then back down over the back of her pants. The two seemed intertwined with each other for an eternity. "I'm pretty sure this doesn't count as resting, though."

"I'll survive, I think." Remus inhaled sharply. "You are okay with this, right? I'm not pushing you too hard?"

" 'mm good." She said. Tonks took in a breath, her eyes still half-closed. "You don't have to drink yourself half to death, you know. It's not going to make you feel any better in the long run."]

"Sorry." He muttered, pulling her back in to kiss her. "Dora, I'm-"

"You're what?"

Remus stopped abruptly. "Dora? Are you okay?"

"What?" She was completely brought out of the moment. "What's wrong?"

Remus stared at her in shock. "Do that again."

"Do what again?" Tonks asked. Before he answered, he grabbed her by the shirt, pulling her close to him and kissing her. "Mmm?" She jerked her head sideways to break off from him. "What?"

"Quick, before it wears off-" Remus grabbed her arm, jumping out of bed. He rushed her over to the vanity, turning her in front of the mirror. "There? Did you see it?"

"See what?"

"Hang on, can I... can I try that again?"

"Try what again?" She asked. He brought her back in to kiss her and after a moment, her shoulders relaxed and she began to feel calmer and more in tune with him. She continued to hang onto him until she felt the confusion wash away from her into a more mellow state.

"Now look." Tonks turned sideways to face the mirror and was shocked. A small sliver of her hair had turned into an almost white-blonde. She brushed it out of her face, studying it as it disappeared back to brown. "Sorry, didn't mean to frighten you."

"Oh my god!" Tonks exclaimed. "Has it ever done that before?"

"Before being when?" Remus wrapped his arms around her from behind. "It used to change like that all the time. When we'd kiss, back when we first started dating, it would just turn a brighter shade of whatever it was, like pink or purple or blue..."

"Wow." She gasped. "I knew I used to... did it do that, you know, after I came back?"

"No, not since you left." He buried his face against his neck. "The last time I ever saw your hair change like that..." He shook his head.

"No," Tonks shook her head. "Tell me."

Remus sounded as if he might have been about to cry. "It was... I remember you falling asleep before I did and you... you had just dozed off and began dreaming and your hair turned this... _amazing_ blue colour, I couldn't even describe it. I never even got to ask you the next morning what you dreamt about and then you were... you were gone. It's so stupid, but my last memory of you, for years all I thought was of you being happy in for the last time before they murdered you." He held her tighter than before.

Tonks thought for a second. "What kind of blue was it?"

He thought for a moment. "It was like... I dunno. I wondered for a while if you were dreaming about Teddy."

"Frankly, I don't exactly remember anything good from that night." Tonks sighed.

"I thought about it a lot because I thought that was the last moment I was ever going to see you or hold you." Remus shook his head, his eyes going dull. "I should have gotten up instead of you when Teddy cried. I could have gone with you and protected you. I could have saved you and Teddy, at least, or maybe they would've taken me instead."

"They would have killed you and taken me anyways." Tonks remarked.

"But maybe... maybe I could have bought you time to get away." Remus said quietly. "I could have saved you."

"What's happened, happened, and..." She shook her head. The blonde streak had already returned to it's natural state. "I'm happy that I got where I was going. That's all that matters now."

"I'm so sorry." Remus said in such a low voice, she could barely make out his words. "I've ruined too many people's lives."

"You didn't ruin my life, Remus. This wasn't you fault."

"What are people going to think of _you_ now? What is Teddy going to think when he gets older and he wonders why his father caused this entire mess?"

"You didn't _cause_ any _mess._ Tonks replied. She turned around to face him, gently rubbing her hands over his shoulders. He winced. "Remus?"

He stretched his shoulder, rubbing at a particular spot. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Did Cleverly draw a wand on you?"

"No." Remus replied. "Don't... don't look at me like that. I deserved it."

"Remus, you may have a continous history of being an absolute prat the second things go to hell in a handbasket, but that doesn't mean she should have hit you." Tonks said skeptically.

"I handled the situation poorly." He gave a sour laugh. "I handled the situation in the worst possible way I could have! I kept trying to salvage what I could from the conversation and I was nothing but complete _ass_ to her! I just wanted to apologize and tell her that I loved her, but I didn't want to be with her and I sounded like a complete idiot."

The two accidentally bumped heads when Tonks tried to lean in towards him. She was startled, holding onto the top of her head. "Ow, sorry," She shook her head. "Look, we're all in agreement that none of us have handled this situation very well. _None of us._ People aren't supposed to come back from the dead and when they do, other people start acting stupid. I mean, come on, there was no way to gracefully handle any of this."

"But she was right, was she not? I've been nothing but a selfish scumbag my whole life. Nothing's changed, not even after I lost you."

"Quit taking the fall for everyone here." She told him. "We all did stupid things here. None of us were innocent. Does that make any of it okay? No. But it means you're not allowed to say that all of this is your fault."

He closed his eyes. "I just wish I could fix things with her. I don't want to spend the rest of my life knowing she'll never forgive me."

"Now's not the time." Tonks explained. "If you had come straight to my parent's home after you dropped me off there, I might have actually set you on fire. Let the wound heal some. It's better if you give her some space to process her thoughts before you try and be friends again. And if she chooses not to, then... that's on her."

He winced at the thought. "I'm sorry I'm such a let down."

Tonks was becoming mildly frustrated. "Remus John Lupin if you keep acting like this, _I'll_ be the one walking out of here! Quit beating yourself up, would you?"

"I-" His mouth was hanging open, ready to continue his apologies.

"Don't." Tonks said. She practically fell into his arms to hug him again. "You're not a let down. You haven't let me down yet. We're starting over, remember?"

"Starting over, right." He nodded, closing his eyes.

"Which brings me back to what I came here to say. First course of action, I think, is that we're going to Flourish and Blotts. I'm going with you to show them that you aren't what they think you are." Tonks said. "And if they decide to be rude about it, we're going to demand your job back under the discrimination protection law because I know they _damn bloody well_ didn't fire you for being a bad employee."

"And your backup plan is...?"

"The job opening at the Menagerie. Or the dozens of muggle job openings we read about in the paper. Whatever we can manage right now." Tonks said, pulling away from him. "Scratch that, first course of action is you need a shower and something in your stomach. You seriously look half-dead and I can hear your stomach from here. You need to eat and you should rest, too. Teddy's already agitated with the full moon next week, I can't imagine how you feel." She reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"This is surreal, honestly." He remarked. "I still can't believe you're actually here sometimes. That we're actually doing this."

Tonks smiled. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Speaking of, Teddy's probably wondering where I'm at by now. I'll swing by soon. Drink water and sleep. And no more drinking."

"No more drinking. Got it. Sounds easy enough." Remus nodded. She started making her way to the door. "Wait, Dora!"

Tonks turned around quickly. "Yeah?"

"So which course of action involves me asking you out on a date, exactly?" He called.

She turned around, biting her lip to hide her smile. "Oh? Why do you ask?"

He smiled back with a goofy look on his face. "I mean, I'm free whenever you are. Especially if you planned on being free... particularly around, say, the day after tomorrow? Don't tell me you forgot."

"I'll bite." Tonks leaned against the doorframe. "Day after tomorrow, did you say?"

"I dunno, I was just thinking if we could get away from all the chaos for a few hours." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Sounds good to me." Tonks shut the door behind her as she left.

Tonks wasn't sure how she was supposed to dress for their date and before she knew it, she was anxiously awaiting Remus's arrival. He had mentioned that there was a play going on at the local downtown theatre, if she wanted to go, which she agreed to. But what to wear? Currently, her attire had composed of whatever pants she could find that were at least somewhat clean and bulky jumpers and sweaters. She felt that was a bit downplaying for the occasion. She didn't have anything particularly nice. Even from before the war, most of her clothes had been thrown out or simply given away. She picked out the most decent looking sweater to throw on.

"Dora! Your boyfriend's downstairs!" Ted exclaimed.

"Quit calling him that!" Tonks replied. She hadn't had the courage to put her wedding ring back on, leaving it tied up around her neck. She grabbed it and tucked it under her shirt.

"And what exactly would you prefer I call him?" Ted asked.

"I dunno." Tonks sighed. She looked up at Remus and smiled. "Hi."

"Hello." Remus smiled back. He was a bit more dressed up than usual and was holding a bouquet of daffodils and something else she wasn't quite sure of.

"What's this all about?" She asked.

"Oh, I got them because they're your favourite." Remus suddenly looked slightly horrified. "They are your favourite, right? I didn't make that up?"

"They are, actually." Tonks laughed. "Here, I can put them in some water real quick before we go... wherever it is you're taking me."

He handed her the flowers. "I brought something else too. Ministry sent me a bit of your mail. I won't lie, I already opened it. Sorry. It might be a bit less pleasant. I thought it was rather _funny_ myself..." His voice trailed off as he handed her an orange envelope with her name on it.

Tonks held the flowers in one arm and tore open the letter. "To Miss Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks and Edward Remus Lupin," She read aloud. "On behalf of the Ministry of Magic, we wish to congratulate you on the news that you are in fact, alive, and are officially reinstated as such. Hope you are well and enjoying your summer." Tonks dumped out the rest of the envelope to find several similar documents with the word "VOID" written across them.

"I think that one's a death certificate." Ted pointed out. "That one there, too."

"And our marriage certificate." Tonks said. "Not that it meant much, you know, with the war and all. Look, Teddy's birth certificate, too! We're actually alive now." She stared blankly at them for a moment. "Huh."

"Odd reaction to finding out you're alive." Remus sort of laughed.

"Dunno, I suppose it was a missed opportunity." She laughed. "Can't accuse a dead person of committing a crime, can you?"

"Oh please. Yes, of course, and what crime would the auror commit?"

"Arson. Obviously." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"What's arson?" Teddy asked.

"Setting things on fire." His mother replied.

The boy suddenly looked very concerned. "Why would you do that?"

"I wouldn't, I'm joking." She explained. "It's sarcasm, don't worry."

"Well, you two best be on your way." Ted sighed, grinning. "Don't want to be late if you're going to go to dinner, do you?"

"Right." Remus nodded, looking over at Tonks. "Are you ready?"

"Oh, here," She set the flowers down on the counter and set the envelope nearby. "Dad, could you put those in a vase, please?"

"Oh, sure." He nodded.

"How come I can't go?" Teddy asked curiously.

"Next time." Remus promised. "Next time we go somewhere fun, you can join us, alright?"

Tonks leaned down, kissing the boy's face playfully. "Now remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Ted warned playfully, pulling a tall vase off of a shelf in the cabinets.

"Like what? Accidentally go missing and make everyone think I'm dead? Oh wait-"

"Young lady," Ted said sternly. "Better watch your mouth now. Remus, you better keep an eye after her. She's a fierce one."

Remus nodded, trying not to smile. "Yes, sir."

The couple apperated to a narrow alleyway close to the theatre where he had gotten them tickets. In turn, Tonks got to pick where they went to dinner. Remus, a closeted fan of theatre enjoyed the show from an artful perspective. Tonks thought it was funny from a different, more outside perspective. At times, she had to stifle her laughter to keep from acting innaproprate. Remus kept finding himself looking over at her childishly, enamoured by her innocence. One it was over, the couple broke away from the crowd, heading around the side of the building, underneath a street lamp.

"Bloody hell, is it seriously raining?"Tonks huffed. She cowered under the eaves of the theatre. "Great. Now we're stuck."

"It's not that bad." Remus pointed out.

"It is if we've got to walk in it to apperate." Tonks said in a low voice.

"Oh come on, it's lightening up already." Remus said optomistically. "Now tell me, what did you think of the play?"

"It was a bit weird." Tonks chuckled. "Muggle stuff's weird. All of it, singing and dancing around like that. Can't change my mind. But as far as having a good time, I had a great one. I'm glad to get out of the house, though."

Remus reached over and put his arm around her. She snuggled her head against his chest. "Happy anniversary."

"Six years." She let out a sigh. "It's ironic that we've technically only spent about one full one married. So what now? Are we celebrating our second year or our seventh next year?"

"I dunno." Remus sort of glanced over at her. "I was sort of thinking since we're starting over and all, maybe we can have our first one next year."

Tonks yawned. "So what's that mean?"

"It's like you said, maybe this is less of an anniversary and more of a beginning, don't you think?" He asked. Remus pulled away from her and removed his coat, carefully placing it around her shoulders.

"You're a real flirt, aren't you?" Tonks teased, turning her nose up at him.

"I try my hardest, Ms. I'm Not Setting A Foot Near The Rain." He sort of smirked.

She shivered, holding on tightly to his coat. "Remus, are we moving too fast?"

He tilted his head, putting his hands in his pockets. "Perhaps. I'm not actually sure, really. I mean, I know people change all the time but... how much did we change in five years? It's hard to tell."

"It's scary, what it is." Tonks remarked. "I dunno."

Neither of them said anything for a bit. Remus cleared his throat. "I saw you stopped wearing your ring."

"Yeah, it was because of Cleverly. I... I didn't want to offend her. Seems like I did anyways." Tonks said. "I didn't lose it, if that's what you're asking. Got it right here actually." She reached up to her neck, bringing out the makeshift necklace.

He eyed it cautiously. "I'm surprised it stayed intact so well."

"Yeah." Tonks muttered. "You think I should start wearing it again? Or is it still too soon?"

"I think it's like I said. You know? How much do people like us change in five years." Remus replied.

"I knew you well enough to marry you the first time, so why not the second?" Tonks said lightly. "I mean, if that's where you're going. I mean, we're going, right? Only if that's what you want, that is-" She rambled a bit.

"Is that what you want?" He asked.

She shrugged. "I dunno." Tonks confessed. "I'm scared."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid you're not going to like me for who I am now. I'm afraid you've changed too much. I'm afraid of... I'm afraid of messing up what we already have. I'm afraid of Cleverly... and your parents, and all the others who are going to look at us badly, I mean, come on, we got lucky with my parents, didn't we? I'm just... afraid." She rubbed her face, turning to look away from him. "I feel like an idiot, I'm sorry."

"That's how I felt last time." Remus told her. "I mean, not that I'm not jumping out of my own skin right now, but I guess... I dunno. Since I let go of Cleverly... since you came back it's like... I feel like I've let go of something. Problem is, I dunno what."

"Maybe that's a good thing."

He stared at the ground, watching as water from the roof puddled onto the cobblestone sidewalk. "Dora?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Do you think we're moving too fast?"

"I think... I think I've learned a lot lately and a lot of it has to do with learning that we're all just sort of... existing on borrowed time, you know? What's the point of waiting or prioritizing or just sitting around and doing nothing and waiting for it to pass?"

"Nihilism."

"What?"

"You're thinking about nihilism. A sort of... 'seize the day' philosophy."

"Is that a good thing?"

"Perhaps, I suppose. If you're trying to justify going ahead and acting on your feelings, that's one thing. If you jumped out a window to try and prove that nothing mattered or would change if you did, you might have a problem." He explained.

"When we were dating and we got married, that's the approach we took, wasn't it?" Tonks asked. "We could lose everything in a moment, so if only we could have each other, maybe things wouldn't be so bad."

"I still think that." Remus replied. He turned towards her and reached out for her hand.

Squeezing herself towards the building, she reached out and took his hands. "I do too." Tonks said quietly. "I'm just... scared."

"I'm a lot of things really." He said. He let go of one of her hands and reached up to examined the piece of ribbon. "Can I take this off? Are you going to be mad at me?"

"Go ahead, if you can get it." She replied, tilting her head back to let him try and unknot it.

"Damn, you tied this tight..."

"Well I was going to cut it if I needed to." Tonks laughed.

"Wait, can you slip it over your head?" Remus awkwardly tugged it over her face. "You should've just used twine or yarn or something..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tonks stared down at the ring he was holding between his fingers. It wasn't anything more than a band with one large center stones and one on each side. He seemed to be examining it carefully.

"Here, may I?" Tonks held out her hand to him. Remus slipped the ring on, not even bothering with the ribbon and stared at her hand. "I feel like I should've prepared a speech or something. I seriously think I'm as lightheaded and flustered as I was... see, I never had any of that with Cleverly..."

"Oh, shut up." She laughed and threw her arms around him, him holding her just a few inches off of the ground. "I love you." Tonks whispered into his neck.

He closed his eyes. "I love you Dora."


	29. XXX

**AN: Little graphic, little smutty.**

Tonks furiously bit down on the end of the roll of tape in an attempt to lift it up with one hand and her teeth. "God bloody fucking damnit." She said aloud. Currently, she was perched at an awkward angle, sitting on the edge of the counter with her feet propped up on the toilet lid.

Nothing was going well today. She got roughly two hours of sleep in between her own fits of crying. Teddy woke up on the wrong side of the bed, deciding today was the best day to throw a complete tantrum. _Multiple_ tantrums. Whatever parenting skills Tonks taught herself at camp had been thrown out the window. Tonks felt as though she had drunk a pot of coffee, with all the jitteriness and none of the wakefulness. Everything she tried to do, she fumbled about with, dropping, breaking, or stepping on something in the process. She had yelled at Teddy earlier in front of Remus. Tonks could tell he wanted to scold her for being over reactive in front of their son, but he didn't. He just watched her with extreme disappointment. Then, they had to yell at each other about money and the upkeep of their new two-bedroom flat.

She finally got the end of the tape up with her tiny pair of medical scissors. She cut small strips of the thick waxy tape and hung them off the edge of her arm. With her free hand, she swapped out the scissors for a handful of tissue paper, blotting up the blood around her arm. The best way to close the wound was by making small railroad tracks over it, first horizontal to close it, then vertical to keep it in place. Then she taped down a gauze pad over it to prevent it from getting onto her clothes. Fooling with her sleeves had become too much of an ordeal, so after flushing away the evidence, she slipped her sweater back over her head.

 _"Last time."_ Tonks said under her breath as she washed her hands.

The sun had already gone down. Teddy didn't get a bath because he fought back too much. Dinner had been excrutating to get through. Tonks was outstretched on the bed. It wasn't the most comfortable, but at least there weren't bugs. She had just wanted this all day. Remus, who seemed to be pondering something as he brushed his teeth, came out of the bathroom with a concerned expression. "Hey, Dora?"

She sat up a bit. "What's wrong?"

"I wanted to ask you about something, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable or come across as weird about it." Remus said.

"Okay, sure. What is it?"

"So... I know you lived with Greyback for some time. I'm sure that... you know, you sort of... got to understand some of his behaviours, as a person and a werewolf."

"Okay..."

"No, what I'm trying to get as is... you know that when werewolves are human they sometimes have traits or abilities or... hinderences, you know, because they aren't completely human."

"Your point?"

"Well, I was just... I'm a bit worried about you and I think maybe you need to go to the hospital tomorrow morning? Just get looked over by a healer?"

Tonks was trying to pass off her shock as confusion. "The hospital? For what?"

"It's hard to explain this without sounding completely absurd. Werewolves in human form... can sometimes smell... when it's closer to the full moon, can smell blood. Most of the time, it has to be outside of the body to be found-"

"What... are you talking about?" Tonks stared at him skeptically

"What I'm trying to is... you smell like you're bleeding." Remus said uncomfortably. "Again, bear with me, I know how it sounds-"

"I smell... like blood?"

"It's barely noticeable to me." He tried to reassure. "You'd have to be a werewolf spending as much time around you as I am. It's just... it's been going on for about two weeks now and I'm worried something's wrong, maybe something didn't get fixed when you came back? I know it sounds ridiculous, I'm just worried that this has been going on for too long."

"Do you know where it's coming from? Like you said, is it internal bleeding or something?" She asked, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm probably fine. You're probably just being paranoid."

"That's what I thought for a while, but like I said, it's been, what, a couple of weeks now?" He walked towards her, placing his hands on the sides of her legs. "I know I'm snooping, and I'm sorry, but if there's a wound that's gotten infected somewhere, I don't want you to be more sick."

"Maybe you ought to become a healer." Tonks tried to draw his focus away, putting her arms around his neck. She reached up and kissed him briefly.

"Right." He shook his head. He seemed too distracted to be interested in her attempted coercion. "Just... if something is wrong, you would do something about it, right?"

"Yeah, of course." She replied.

"Are you sure everything's okay?" Remus asked carefully.

"Mmhmm." Tonks nodded. When she looked up at him, she could tell his eyes were bearing worridly into her. For a second, she thought he kight be trying to read her mind. Was that something he did nowadays? "Why are you looking at me like that? You're scaring me."

"You aren't... _hurting yourself,_ are you?" He asked skeptically. "Or you haven't fallen or something and refused to tell me about it?"

"I'm good. Really." She leaned in to kiss him again. He was still very cautious. "Remus?"

He kissed her quickly on the lips. "I'm sorry." Remus grumbled.

"Don't be." Tonks urged. She was getting more intense now with him, but something about him seemed off. "You're not going to let go of this, are you?"

"No, I'm just thinking." He remarked, rubbing his hands over her thighs. "Is this okay?" She grabbed him by the forearms, likely to aggressively than she intended, and yanked him towards her. She straddled his waist with her legs and in a much more forceful manner, she kissed him again. Tonks was becoming desperate. He opened his eyes and groaned, trying to pull back again. "Dora, love, this is sweet and all, but-"

"But what?" Tonks snapped.

"But I'm not sure if you're really ready." Remus told her. "I dunno if I am. We've both gone through so much these last couple of months, I'm just not sure if this is something we ought to do."

"Remus, _I want this."_ Tonks pleaded, grabbing ahold of his t-shirt. "Please, I don't care about any of that crap. _We're_ together now. We've been sharing a bed for weeks now and you're scared to even cuddle because of how fragile you think I am. _We_ belong to each _other._ Please, I need this so badly, you don't understand."

"I don't want to hurt you, Dora. I don't want to rush things." He sighed. Very carefully, he kissed the top of her head and unfolded himself from her grasp. "I still feel like we're acting impulsively. And I don't know where you are in recovering."

"We aren't rushing things. We've already done this before, don't you remember?" Tonks said. "Come on, it's not like we're strangers by any means. And you act like you don't have any sort of needs that need fulfilling."

"Not until you get better I don't." He said sternly. Remus walked around the bed and climbed under the covers, picking up his book beside the bed. "I'm sorry, but I don't think now's the time for this.

Tonks crawled under the blanket, throughly disappointed. She adjusted her pillow to be closer to his side of the bed. "I get it." she said softly.

"I'm sorry." Rems replied.

"Don't be."

The laid silently in each other's company. Remus was occupied with his novel, but Tonks was growing tired. Remus became sort of dreamy with nostalgia all of a sudden. He glanced over at her. "Do you remember the last time we were together?"

Tonks paused. "Yeah, I was miserable."

"Oh, come on, you were nine and a half months pregnant." Remus half-smiled.

"I threw up. Almost _on you,_ if I remember correctly." Tonks remarked somberly. "I felt fat and my face was broken out and I was sweating the entire time." She said. Her lips were pressed tightly together. "And my back hurt. And we only did it because we thought it might break my water."

"It did the next day, did it not?" Remus laughed lightly. "You were in tears because we just wanted to get him out already. It probably wasn't the most beautiful thing we've ever done. It _did_ end up bringing our son into the world, however, which was pretty beautiful in and of itself."

"It really wasn't." Tonks said dryly. "Which one of us was screaming bloody murder the whole time, huh?"

"Good point. But we've got Teddy, don't we?" Remus remarked. "He really is a wonderful kid. I wish I had gotten to spend all of that time with him. I never realized that I could love someone as much as I love him. Well, except for you."

Tonks pondered this. "Were you and Cleverly going to have kids?"

"We talked about it. I think she wanted one or two, but I don't know if it was for all the right reasons. She cares a lot about her image, you know." He said, turning the page of his book.

"What about us?"

"I don't think we're there just yet." Remus said. "We've got a lot ahead of us before we start talking about babies again."

"We've definitely got to help Teddy a lot. Maybe if we want another kid we wait until he's a bit more grown up." Tonks said.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it's too late by then, though..." Remus sighed. "Doesn't matter right now. I'm perfectly content where we are and we have other things to focus on."

The continued to lay in silence. Tonks, certain he was paying no attention to her, rolled over onto her other side, facing the darkness of the room. Her hand reached down beneath the covers, a knot building in her throat. She wasn't trying to think of anything in particular in the process, but having been so long since she had done anything like this, her own body felt unfamiliar to herself. The last time she touched herself was with violence and sorrow. Now, she just wanted to drown out her thoughts for a moment. Her legs stretched out under the sheets as she groaned, burying her face in the pillow.

"Very subtle, Dora." Remus did not look up from his book.

She rolled over onto her back. "Mmm, what?"

"Do you need help over there?"

"Oh, is that an offer?" She swooned.

"Here," Remus pulled her pillow closer to his. She tried not to notice that he was sleeping with his wand in the bed now. "Lay down then."

Tonks kicked off her pajamas pants and obeyed, curling up beside him. He touched his tongue with two of his fingers before delving under the covers. Tonks watched him. He was calm, almost distracted. He was acting as if he wasn't paying attention to her, though she could tell, he was very much paying attention to her. His hands were soft in caressing her skin. For a split second, she felt the wave of fear and nausea strike again. She used everything in her power to swallow it down as her body tensed up. She hoped her moaning wouldn't wake up Teddy. It almost hurt, even, when she finally did peak. Tonks felt almost drunk in the aftermath of the climax, exhausted and curling up to him under the blankets.

"Oh my god..." She gasped, her hand still clenching the bedspread. "Where did you-" Tonks tried not to imagine his intermediate sex life between their own. He probably didn't want to imagine hers.

He lovingly kissed her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Tonks nodded breathlessly. "I guess it's my turn now?" She reached over and gently rubbed his leg.

"Dora, stop, it's okay." Remus told her. "Not tonight. I'm okay, I promise." He kissed her again and she was more receptive. "Baby steps for now."

 _"You're cute for a slut." Greyback said. He was quite unceremoniously messing up her hair, tugging at it when he head dipped down towards him. With one hand, he grabbed her by a fistful of hair and pulled, causing her to groan in agony. His eyes stared down at her. "I thought only the ugly ones knew how to behave. But you're actually almost pretty when you gag. Almost." She winced. He slapped her across the cheek. "Did I tell you you could stop?"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"What did you say to me?"_

 _"I'm sorry, sir." Tears filled up her eyes. Each stroke she took felt agonizing and desecrating. What would Remus say if he saw her like that? She wondered. Could he forgive her for what she was doing?_

 _"Did you treat him like this?" Greyback demanded. "I'd be embarrassed if I came home from work and this was the sort of shitty treatment I was given. I probably would've knocked your front teeth out."_

 _"I'm sorry." Was all she said._

 _He sat, watching her like a hawk for what felt like ages. "Take your shirt off." He demanded._

 _"What?" She didn't get a second chance before he ripped it off of her. The wire in her bra snapped when he yanked that off too. She couldn't bear to look at her naked chest, feeling his eyes look all over her. He reached out and grabbed her. She flinched in pain, letting out a small yelp._

 _He smirked. "It'll be a damn shame to see you lose these when the kid gets older. Like I said, you're almost pretty for a slut. Maybe if you just smiled more."_

Remus was fast asleep when Tonks woke up in a frantic sweat. Her chest felt tight, like someone had spend the night trying to strangle her. She quickly ran to the bathroom and locked the door and threw off her heavy sweatshirt into the floor before climbing up onto the sink. In the cabinet above the toilet, in an empty cardboard box with a woman's razor, a pair of medical scissors, gauze pads, and tape. She dumped the contents in her lap.

She furiously bit down on the end of the roll of tape in an attempt to lift it up with one hand and her teeth. _"Fucking..._ stupid son of a _bitch."_ Tonks said aloud. Currently, she was perched at an awkward angle, sitting on the edge of the counter with her feet propped up on the toilet lid. She had to start by unwrapping her current bandage. The other wound had hardly had time to scab over.

This one was a little too deep. Or a little too long. Or too slow. Whatever it was, it hurt this time. She impatiently stomped her foot, whining into her elbow, tears filling up her eyes.

She cut out perfectly sized strips of medical tape. She cleaned the wound and sutured it together with the tape before wrapping her arm in gauze. Her teeth were gritted with pain. She taped down a gauze pad over it to prevent it from getting onto her clothes. She flushed away the evidence and slipped her sweatshirt back over her head.

 _"Last fucking time."_ Tonks said under her breath as she washed her hands under scalding water, wiping her tears away.


	30. XXXI

"Why was it so busy?" Teddy was nervously hanging onto his mother's leg as they walked into the Tonks's household. He was big enough now that she couldn't pick him up anymore. This made Teddy feel vulnerable, losing a sense of protection in his mother. Today had been overwhelming. He saw more people today than he had ever seen in his life, between his mother's last minute grocery shopping and the morning visit to the Burrow.

"It's Christmas, so a lot of people are here to see family and friends at this time of year." His mother explained. "It's just busy today. Come on, it's alright. You can hold my hand if you'd like."

Ted Tonks leaned over the back of the couch, a grin on his face. Andromeda turned her head. "Is _that_ my favourite grandson?"

"The one and only." Tonks replied. "Come on, you want to go say hello to them?"

"Hi, Grandpa." Teddy said bashfully.

"Do I get a hug?" Ted pretend pouted. Teddy nodded and walked around to sit with his grandparents.

"Sorry we're late." Tonks sighed, taking off her hat and coat. She didn't want to go into why they were late. Things were still tense between them from their fighting.

"As long as you're here now." Andromeda said. Tonks looked over at Remus. She reached up and dusted snow out of his hair. He closed his eyes. "Don't get too comfy, we're about to head to the table."

Remus grabbed ahold of her wrist as she pulled away. She winced frightfully. "Sorry." He murmured, lovingly holding her hand.

"Yeah." Tonks gasped. Her eyes drew up towards his.

"Your fingers are cold. You should be wearing gloves." He gently picked up both of her hands and held them up to his mouth, blowing warm air on them, rubbing them together.

"Yeah." She nodded.

He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry." Remus said quietly. "I'm just worried about you. I only said what I said because I want you to get better, and-"

"Yeah."

Remus's voice dropped, talking directly in her ear. "Dora, if you think that you need to go to the hospital-" Tonks shook her head, waving him off. "How _long_ are you going to keep this up?"

Tonks reached up, kissing him on the cheek. "We will _talk_ when we get _home."_ He closed his mouth with frustration. "Hey, Mum, hey Dad." She walked over and kissed her father on the cheek.

"Are you two okay?" Ted asked quietly.

"Mmhm." She nodded. "Here, Teddy, can I take your coat?"

Teddy sat up and took off his coat, handing it folded and twisted to his mother. She straightened it and dusted off the snowflakes. "Teddy, did you get any presents today?" Andromeda asked. "Mummy didn't make you do schoolwork, did she?"

The boy shook his head. "I got new clothes. They touch my feet now." Teddy said. "And I got new puzzles to put together. And some new books. And Dad got me sweets."

"Maybe you ought to share, huh?" Ted asked.

The boy laughed. _"Noo!"_ His grandfather blew a raspberry on his neck.

Tonks took the coat over to the coat rack. Remus had taken off his jacket, but was still lingering awkwardly by the door. "Are you okay?" Tonks asked.

"Sort of." Remus nodded.

"Can this not wait? Or does it need to?"

"I'm just still distracted is all." He shook his head.

"Do you _want_ to talk about it?" Tonks asked, nodding her head towards her parents. "You're really going to keep this up, huh? You're going to act like something's wrong until you can shout at me again."

"I'm sorry, but you can't keep this up!" He said in a loud whisper. "I'm not going to let you end up killing yourself."

"I'm not going to _kill myself!"_ She shot back, her teeth gritted in frustration. "You think I went through all that _shit_ for _that?"_

"Are you two okay?" Ted asked in a louder voice.

"We're fine!" Tonks replied smoothly.

"Dora, can we talk in the kitchen?" Remus leaned over towards her, speaking in a low voice. "Just a second. I want to go ahead and get something off my chest."

"Do we really have to do this _now?"_ Tonks didn't whine, but her voice gave an obvious air that she didn't want any more conversations with him.

"Well it's... I was going to wait, but I've got your Christmas present." Remus told her as she followed him to her parents'quaint kitchen. They could talked louder and in a more inconspicuous manner, but they knew better than to draw the attentionattention of Ted and Andromeda. "I wanted to wait until after dinner," He dug into his pocket and pulled a small, square shaped box and he held it out to her. "But here you go."

"What's this?" Tonks carefully craddled it in her hands like a dying baby bird. It was smooth, black faux leather. "What's it for?"

"It's for you."

"What-" Then it dawned on her. A while back, Tonks realized her wedding ring, despite all its tribulations, was stuck on her finger. Her fingers hadn't grown much and the band actually stayed on her knuckle now, but the metal had a dent in it that had been ever so slowly growing. She handed it over to her husband, who promised to have it repaired and. ack on her finger as soon as possible. At least, before she had forgotten about it amongst the fighting. "Is this my wedding ring?" It was unfamiliar. One diamond was now several, with one large one in the middle of a circle.

"I had it cleaned. Fixed and sized. I asked that they not buff out all the scratches in case you absolutely hate me for it." He explained.

Tonks cocked her head at it. "It looks like a... snowflake. It looks like a flower."

"It's supposed to look like a flower, I think."

"Why? I mean, it's pretty now that it's clean and all, but why?"

"Well, I had this plan to use a certain amount of diamonds and I didn't want to completely change your ring." Remus said.

"You did though."

"Are you angry?"

"No!" She shook her head furiously. "I don't get it. I don't know why you did it. I like it. It's not what I would have picked, but it's pretty."

"Well, I chose seven and I asked what I could do with seven diamonds. This was... one of their ideas."

"Why seven?" Tonks asked.

"Five for the years we lost. One for the year we got." He explained, pointing to the ring. "One in the middle for all the others ahead of us. It wasn't moved or changed, see. I didn't want to piss you off too much."

"Really poetic." Tonks said dryly.

"I know!" Remus suddenly was proud of his idea. Then he wasn't. "It's lame and I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." She swallowed and nodded. "It's... pretty."

"You hate it."

"I'm...I'm just frustrated, okay?" Tonks saisaid defensively. She shut the box with the ring inside.

"About the ring?"

"About... us? I don't know. This doesn't help. It doesn't fix much."

"I won't judge you if you need to take a break. If you need to step back and get help. You know, muggles, they have a pretty good system for handling this sort of stuff. Medicine to make you feel better and-"

"I'm _okay."_ Tonks was on the edge of her toes, leaning in towards his body. Remus stepped back as she was suddenly in his face.

"Yeah, and I'm _sure_ you're going to be _okay_ when you _butcher_ yourself too deep and end up dead somewhere, where either Teddy or I is going to have to _find you_ and _I'll_ have to explain to _our_ son that you killed yourself." Remus snapped harshly. Tonks reeled backwards, her arms crossed insecurely. "I'm sorry. Dor, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the moment. Please, you don't understand what this means to me. I can't lose you again."

"Why, because Cleverly won't have you back?" Tonks growled.

"Because _I love you,_ damn it!" Remus exclaimed. His hands clenched in angry fists.

"And _I love you too,_ but not when you act like... like _this!_ " Tonks hissed back.

"Like what? That I'd like you _alive_ at our wedding in a few months?"

"You're making a mountain out of a molehill. I'm not dead, dying, or about to die. I don't go that deep-"

"You mean you don't _cut yourself that deep?_ You don't... _burn yourself that badly_ or _hit yourself that hard?_ Dora, you need a _hospital_."

"It's _Christmas!"_ She stomped her foot. "What am I supposed to tell my parents? That I just wanted to go on a little holiday to the psych ward? How do we even afford medical care? Where do I even go?"

"St. Mungo's. It might not specialize it what you need, but you could at least get yourself cleaned up properly." Remus told her. "That muggle hospital we considered, when you were having Teddy, that have other facilities. I'm still working and we could make payments if we need to. And you know, we could look into couple's counseling. We could fix this and-"

"Well don't get too carried away; you're still a grocery store clerk." Tonks snarked. "Maybe if you'd actually let me get a job, we could pay for stuff."

"I've not stopped you from getting a job!" He defended. "But one of us needs to look after Teddy. He needs us now more than ever."

"Okay, whatever you say." Tonks rolled her eyes. "Are we done here?"

"I dunno, Dora." Remus said. He was still pondering. "Do you even still want to get married? Do you want to carry on the way you are?"

"I don't want to carry on like this, no. But I don't see how my business is any of yours, or anyone else's for that matter."

Remus was thinking, and by the look on his face, it seemed painful to think about. "Dora, are we still going to do this?"

"Do what?" She asked bluntly.

"Get married. Be together. Raise our family." He replied. "I don't care what I have to do to make this work. I just want to know that you'll be apart of my life. And if you aren't, I want to know that you're at least happy and alive. This isn't _living,_ Dora."

Her voice grew soft. "I know."

"And I'm sure you don't want to keep this up, do you?"

"Yes." She said quickly. "No."

Remus reached out and she let him hold her hand. "If you're will to try and work to get better, then let's do all we can to make you feel better. For me. For Teddy. But for _you_ , most of all."

Tonks sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm a disaster. I'm an absolute, complete fuck up. I haven't done a single thing right since I came back and I've ruined Cleverly's life and you-"

"Stop it." Remus urged. "Be nice to yourself, why don't you? You care about me, don't you?"

Tonks shook her head in confusion. "Yeah?"

"Then stop being mean to my wife. Stop beating her up and stop slicing her up." He said, bringing her in tightly for a hug. "Think about it like that."

She didn't let the hug last too long, but she let herself savour the moment. "Are you going to have me locked up or something as soon as we leave here?"

"I'm not locking you up. No one's getting locked up." Remus said. "But I won't buy you razors and dittany."

"I don't use dittany."

Remus let out a frustrated sigh and stared up at the ceiling. "You're going to get sepsis, Dora!"

Tonks shoved him, but not hard. "Just... keep off my ass for five seconds, won't you?"

And so, their cycle of arguing began again.


	31. XXXII

"Hey, what did we say? Water only now that you've got your dress on." Ginny Weasley snapped.

Tonks set down the glass of juice she had been sipping on. She was surprised at how well she had stomached her breakfast. "Speaking of, god, this dress itches." Tonks groaned. She was constantly fussing, back and forth with the skirt of it. "Last time I wore it, I was simply trying it on. Thought the lace wouldn't be so irritating."

"You can always take it off before the reception." Molly said gently, smoothing out the band of flowers atop the bride's head. Tonks had protested against wearing a veil and the colourful flowers took away from the dull browness of her hair. And she hadn't exactly gone for the traditional sort of wedding dress either. Her choice had been a dress that barely came down to her knees and had long lacy sleeves.

"I mean, you'll be taking it off tonight anyways..."

"Ginerva Molly Wealsey-"

The bedroom door came flying open. Teddy was in his suit with his bow tie, but his clothes looked messed up and sweaty. He ran up to his mother, burying his face in her stomach with a hug. "Mummy!"

"Teddy!" Tonks laughed. She kissed the top of his head. "How's my handsome young man?"

Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips. "Teddy, you've been playing outside, haven't you? You're a mess! Here, let me fix your shirt." She walked over to the boy, rebuttoning every button and tucking his shirt in. "And how about we brush your hair, too? Have a sit." Teddy begrudgingly sat on a stool in the bedroom and let Mrs. Weasley brush his bright blue hair down.

"How are you feeling today, Teddy? Are you excited?" His mother smiled. Teddy bobbed his head up and down. "That's wonderful, Darling. I'm so happy."

Teddy scrunch up his face. His hair turned from blue to a bright pink colour, and so did his little bowtie, just as Remus had charmed it to do. "So Daddy's really going to be my Daddy now, huh?"

"Well he was always your Daddy." Tonks chuckled. "He's just... he's going to be my husband again. It's all technical."

"So that means you really really love him now, right? Because you said you really have to love someone to get married, you gotta really really love them to do it again." Teddy informed her.

"Yeah. I really really do." She said. Tonks grinned sheepishly, but it was more towards herself.

Teddy glanced up at Mrs. Weasley. "You still love me though, right Mum?"

"Teddy, I'm never going to stop loving you, no matter what. That's my job, darling." Tonks reassured. She pointed at him in the mirror. "Aren't you handsome? I suppose we ought to dress up more often, huh?" She nudged his arm.

Teddy laughed. "You're so pretty!" He told her, jumping up on top of the stool to be almost as tall as her. He tried to grab the flowers on her head, but she stopped him, bending down to let him look. "I wish I was at your first wedding. I bet you were pretty then too."

"You couldn't have been there, you were in my belly, silly." Tonks shook her head, wiggling her nose at him.

"So I was there." Teddy said thoughtfully.

"Not really." She rolled her eyes, struggling to lift him up and put him in the floor. "Have you eaten? We said you've got to eat something for breakfast. You should go see if the boys downstairs left you anything. Actually, you might as well just wait for cake later. I bet people are just about ready to sit down."

"But I want to stay with you." Teddy said sadly.

"You'll see me in a bit. Promise." Tonks kissed his face again.

"Why can't you come with me?"

"Because I'm going to walk down the aisle with Grandpa Tonks. You're going to stick with Dad." Tonks told him. "By the way, Mr. Ringbearer, you know where the rings are, right?"

"Dad won't let me have them." Teddy said simply.

"Good. Now you better hurry or else they'll only be leaving you scraps. They're probably eating like wolves down there."

The boy paused. "But not... real wolves, right?"

"Go on now." Mrs. Weasley chuckled, ushering him out of the tiny bedroom. "So Tonks, how are you feeling about all of this?"

She took a deep breath. "At least I'm not going to puke, so I guess that's better than what I felt last time, so it's fine."

"No puking. We said no coloured liquids around your dress." Ginny teased.

"Ha ha." Tonks rolled her eyes. "It's a bit weird, you know? A year ago, I still in that smelly shed, eating rotten canned vegetables like it was nothing and bathing in a moldy bathtub. I didn't actually think I'd live this long, to be frank. Didn't think I'd be here, doing this of all things." She was nervously picking at her fingernails. There wasn't much there to paint when Ginny offered. For Tonks, it was like a smoker chewing gum to get rid of her bad thoughts. They got rid of her fingernails, that was certain. "I never thought I'd look or feel like this ever again."

Ginny placed her hands on Tonks's shoulders. "But you are alive, aren't you? Not just that, but you and Teddy. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah." Tonks nodded, staring at reflection. "But I can't help but think one day I'll wake up in that bed and realize I faked all of this... that I made all of this up..." She said in a quiet voice.

"There's no use in crying on your wedding day." The younger woman said.

"I am a pretty ugly crier, aren't I?" Tonks laughed.

Ginny laughed. "You're here and you are real. Aren't you excited?"

"I am." Tonks bit her lip curiously. "Of course I am." She looked down at her watch. "It's... suddenly quite scary for some reason, though. I don't know why I'm even nervous. It's just Remus. I know the man like I know the back of my own hand."

"Maybe this break will be good for the both of you." Mrs. Weasley assured. "The three, I suppose." She chuckled.

"Wish it would hurry up and warm up a bit." Tonks rubbed her hands over her legs. "It's April, dammit! I'm absolutely sick of winter."

"Are you all going to wait to have his birthday when you come back?"

Tonks laughed playfully. "No, of course not! This is his trip too."

"Yeah, I think Teddy will really like getting to see the ocean for the first time." Ginny said. "Or be utterly terrified by it. You know, I think it's sweet that you all are taking him with you."

"He's... you know how he gets when we're not around for a long period of time. But he's family and he should get to go." She checked her watch again. "We better get going, actually."

Ginny looked out the window of her old bedroom. "Yeah, we're running a bit behind. Are you okay? Your dad's probably wondering where you are."

Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had already made their way to their seats. Tonks didn't have a great hold on the bouquet of flowers. They smelled good at least, and were willowy and hung down halfway to the floor. But as pretty as they were, all Tonks could focus on was not falling over her feet. Ted was waiting at the bottom of the steps, adjusting his tie in his reflection on a decorative ceramic plate. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Pumpkin." Ted wouldn't look at her and Tonks realized he was was beginning to get teary eyed.

"Dad," She whispered softly. "Are you okay?"

"Mhm." He nodded, still staring straight ahead. Ted sniffled.

"No you're not." She said lightly, putting her hand on his arm.

"I never got to walk you down the aisle the first time." Ted told her. "I never got to hold my newborn grandson. I barely even knew Remus when I left you and Mum." He looked up at her. "But I think you're making a good choice, Dora. I think he's a good person for you."

"You're not angry about the whole Cleverly thing, are you?" Tonks whispered.

Ted shook his head. "People just... have to live their lives sometimes. They've got to go out and experience things and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't."

"But-" She didn't get to protest. Ted nudged her. He nodded at the door.

"It's time to go, love." Ted kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Wait." Tonks dug her heels into the carpet, rubbing her forehead. "I'm... um..."

"What's wrong?" Ted wondered. "Dora?"

"I'm just... You know I've been doing good all morning but I'm nervous all of a sudden. Terrified actually." Tonks stared at him with big eyes.

"Why are you scared, love?" Her father asked.

"I don't know!" Tonks said quietly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry!"

Ted leaned up, pulling her up to steady her on her feet. He smoothed down her hair. "What are you scared of?"

"I don't know." She repeated. "It's just hit me all of a sudden, I don't know why."

"Come on," Ted coaxed. "You'll feel better in a few minutes. Let's go wait outside."

"Dad, I-" She didn't know how to explain the sudden terror she was suddenly feeling weighed down by. All morning, she had been excited, calm and cool for them to start begin their new lives together. Something that seemed so calm and normal for so long was crashing over her with bad thoughts. "I really shouldn't be doing this. This is bad... this is really bad..."

"Dora, what's wrong?" Ted asked. "Here, stop touching your hair. You look fine. What are you so upset about?"

"I shouldn't be here." She urged.

"Sweetheart, now is not the time for an existential crisis." Her father tried to sound lighthearted and joking, but he came across more urgent than compassionate.

"No, no," She shook her head. "I'm not supposed to be doing this. This was a bad idea, you don't understand."

"Why? Why is this bad?"

"Because I... I'm... I'm not..."

"You're not what? Why shouldn't you be here?" Tonks just shook her head. "Do you not want to do this?"

"I want to, I just-" Tonks was breathing heavier than usual. "I don't know what's wrong..."

"It's going to be okay, darling." Ted assured. "Come on, Sweetheart. It's all going to be alright."

xxxxx

The small, floating blue lights hovered just under the top of the tent. Every now and again, they would bump into each other as they circled, twinkling with a soft white glow. Tonks was glad they had chosen to get married at the Burrow, even though they had thought it might be too simplistic. But simplistic was nice. Teddy had barely stayed awake through the afternoon and was asleep by the time the sun came down (Remus had thought it was clever to charm his tie like Teddy's, but had to take it off once the boy fell asleep and was dreaming, making it flash and fade between colours). People who hadn't reconnected in years lead to hours of talking, drinking, and dancing.

A man behind her cleared his throat. Tonks turned around in her seat to see him. "Hi." She smiled.

"Are you okay?" Remus wondered. "You seem a bit lonely all by yourself."

Tonks nervously twisted her ring around her finger. "Mm," She nodded.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sitting down on the edge of a chair beside her.

"I don't know. I've just been shaky since earlier." She confessed. Her finger traced the edge of her glass of champagne. "Probably what I get for mixing alcohol with all my other problems."

There was a concerned look on his face. "How long have you been feeling bad?"

"Since... Since we went down the aisle. Wait, it's not like that, you know, I just felt... sick." Tonks shrugged it off. "I'm not upset at you or anything."

He offered his hand for her to hold. "Are you dreading something?"

"Mm," She tilted her head. "Just... a lot on my mind right now."

"What's got you so worked up? Are you worried about travelling?" Remus rubbed her arm.

"I guess." Tonks said distantly. She reached over and took a sip of her drink. Then she let out a little laugh. "I don't think I ever told you, but I never liked champagne."

Remus didn't let the laugh catch him off guard. "I thought you've been holding up better."

Her eyes sparkled proudly, but she wouldn't make direct eye contact. "I'm three months clean, you know. I told you I wasn't going to show up to the wedding all bloody." Tonks said quietly. "You know I wonder, where Teddy fell asleep at..."

"Ginny's room, I think." Remus nodded. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Tonks smiled and nodded. She squeezed his hand. "Come on, do you think we could get another dance in?"

He didn't like her avoidance techniques, but she her smile was enchanting to him. "If you'd like, I'll follow." Remus paused. "You aren't... upset that we went ahead and did this, right?"

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you."


	32. XXXIII

Remus was the heaviest sleeper in the family. His arms were tangled around the huddle that was his wife and son. It wasn't certain how they all got tangled up together, but Teddy had his face buried in his father's chest. The two were letting out a soft melody of snores. Tonks was on the outside, the blanket half draped over her leg, sweating. The two of boys nearly radiated enough body heat to warm the entire bed. Poor Teddy didn't even want to go to bed after the wedding and his parents had happily let him climb in their bed.

The alarm clock went off. Remus rolled over to the side of the bed to turn it off, then wrapped his arm back around his son. Today felt... different somehow. Since the wedding, something felt different now. This could have been any other cool spring morning together, but it felt like something was happening. Something was _changing._ The air was lighter, like something had been lifted off of Remus's chest. Life was becoming new all over again.

"Okay, so we said we'd actually get up when the alarm went off." Remus announced. He reached out his hand to touch his wife's arm. "Good morning."

Tonks groaned and tried to hide her face beneath the blanket. "It's too early." She protested. "You set it too early."

"Did not." Remus cut back.

 _"Did too."_ The woman yawned. Her hair was messy, but she still smelled like the freshly cut flowers she had worn the night before. Tonks remembered that the last thing she saw before dozing off to sleep was Remus pluckinh out stray leaves, twigs and flower petals from her hair. She didn't remember who fell asleep with Teddy in their arms, since Teddy had either been jumping around or angrily refusing to lie down.

Remus slowly pried the blanket from her face and greeted her with a smile. "Good morning, Dora." He whispered.

"Good morning, Remus." She whispered back in an almost mockery of a voice, tucking the blanket under her chin. "How did you sleep?"

"Like the dead, I think, or close enough." He let out a big yawn.

Tonks pushed herself forward, wrapping her own arm around the sleeping boy and Remus readjusted to make room for her to join. "Good morning, Teddy." She gently touched his hair. "Happy birthday, handsome." Tonks whispered, kissing the top of his head. "Six years old... I can't believe you made it this long, little one."

"We should make him a birthday cake before we go." Remus suggested. He craned his neck and nuzzled his wife's face.

"I think he would love that." Tonks whispered. "We'll need a recipe, though. I made him a cake last year but..."

"You made him a cake?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah." She mused. "It was pretty awful. I barely had the ingredients at the last second to throw it all together."

"Do we have time, do you think?"

"Oh, sure." Tonks nodded. "It's supposed to be rainy today anyways and I'm mostly packed."

"Do you think he'll be okay?" His father asked concerned, stroking the back of the boy's head. "Being away from home? I mean, I was worried he would have nightmares last night after having that many people around."

"It's just three nights away from home and he'll probably want to stay with us anyways. I'm sure this is really how you want to spend your honeymoon." Tonks said dryly.

"I don't know how he'll do when he starts school next fall." Remus shook his head. "But there's nothing wrong with having him around, Dora. I'm not-" He shook his head. "He's perfectly fine." Remus rubbed the boy's head, only further worsening his bedhead. "This is perfectly fine."

The boy stirred and began to wake himself up. "Mummy?" He asked.

"Nope, it's just Dad." His father replied, pecking a kiss on his face.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Tonks crooned. She pulled herself closer to the other two, hugging her son tightly.

"It's my birthday." He muttered. "I'm... six now. Six years old." Teddy sounded as bewildered as his mother at the proposition. His brown eyes opened wide with awe at his mother. "It's my birthday!"

"It _is_ your birthday!" Tonks sat up quickly. "Come on, Dad wants us to make you a birthday cake."

Remus sat up and rubbed his face. "What do you say, bud?"

"I like cake." Teddy grumbled. He reached out to cling to his mother. She uncovered him from the blanket and dragged him to his feet. Tonks kissed him over and over all across his face. _"Mummy!"_ Teddy stood up on the edge of the bed and flung his arms around her neck.

She laughed and threw her head back. "Teddy!"

Remus groggily pulled himself out of bed. Teddy looked at his mother with a smirk and bounced across the mattress towards his father. "Aha!" The boy jumped out at his father, trying to climb on his shoulders.

 _"Ah!"_ Remus winced. "Now hang on, you're pulling me-" Remus straightened his back and repositioned himself to let the boy jump onto him piggyback style.

Tonks made her way around the side of the bed. She still had a sleepy smile on her face, her eyelids heavy and wrinkled. Remus leaned down, playfully and lovingly kissing her on the mouth. He was pondering something, but was at a loss for words. "Why don't I go throw some different clothes on and meet you there?" She offered. Her nose was almost touching with her husband's. "I won't be far behind you."

"Ewww!" Teddy whined.

"Don't worry, one day you'll get married one day too." Tonks wiggled her nose at him. "And we'll look at you and go _'ewwww'."_

Remus laughed to himself. He tried to pull the boy up higher on his back as the child was both falling and trying to choke him. "Okay, let's get you down..."

Tonks turned, quickly kissing him on the cheek and disappeared into the bathroom.

xxxxx

Curious six year olds were never optimal amidst kitchen work. His mother had to silence him from jumping up and down with his hands in a pile of flour by offering him a pancake while his father finished getting dressed. Now, he was equally restless, but chewing as loud as he could, almost in her ear. "Won't the salt make the cake salty?" Teddy asked, his mouth full of food.

 _"No."_ Tonks shook her head, folding a bowl of cake ingredients together. The boy offered her a bite and she chuckled, feeling obligated to letting him feed her.

"Then what's it _for?"_

"I dunno." She smiled. "But I feel like we've had this conversation before."

"But salt is salty." Teddy protested. "It will make the cake salty. Why is the cake not salty?"

"Because," Remus swooped in to the rescue, still fussing with his shirt collar buttons. "You see, you use such a tiny amount of salt that the sugar and the butter and the flour overwhelm it. The salt is supposed to make the other favours equal, so it's not too plain or too sweet."

"See?" Tonks nudged the boy with her hip. She licked the cake batter off ends of her fingertips. "I told you he's smarter than me." Tonks leaned down and blew a raspberry behind his ear. "Here, Remus, help me pour this into a pan, please."

He rolled up his sleeves and awkwardly reached around the boy to help adjust the pans. Tonks had to reach around and do the same to get them into the oven. "You're being a bit of a nuisance, little boy." Remus remarked, patting him on the shoulder.

"What's a nuisance?" Teddy chimed up.

His mother grabbed him gently by the shoulders and slid him over to the side. "You're just a tad in the way there." She squished his cheeks and walked back to get the other pan into the oven. "Half an hour and we can leave it to cool so we can frost it. How does cake sound for a mid-morning snack before we leave?"

The other two nodded in agreement. "What's the beach like?" Teddy cocked his head.

Remus was still trying to get cake batter off of his fingers. "Cold. Lots of sand. And there's water as far as you can see. It's... actually sort of strange seeing something that big. Probably be windy, too."

"Not always." Tonks reminded him. "It can be beautiful. Sunshine... _warmth..._

"Not today, though." Remus chuckled. "I don't know what beaches you've been too, but not in _Scotland._ Not at _this_ time of the year." He eyed her bare legs, not in any aroused sort of way, in any case, he imagined her complaining and whimpering about being cold all morning.

"So are there going to be people where we're going?" Teddy asked.

"Sort of." Remus replied. "Grandma and Grandpa Lupin had a little house they visit in the summertime and they've offered to let us spend a few nights there. There are a few neighbours and we'll probably see people around, but we'll have the place to ourselves. I used to go there when I was your age or so over the summers. Not so much after I became a werewolf, come to think of it..."

"Do I get my own room?"

"There's a second bedroom that I used to sleep in."

"Oh sure. As long as we clean out the spiders from your bed first." Tonks teased. "Or they'll crawl all over your face while you sleep."

Teddy was sufficiently freaked out by that comment. "Mum! You're lying!"

"It will certainly require a bit of dusting since they've been gone, but there won't be any spiders in your bed." His father reassured, messing up the boy's hair.

"Promise!" Teddy insisted angrily.

"No spiders." Remus replied, shaking his head. "Dora, would you be so kind as to help me with something?"

Tonks was messing with the timer on the stove. "Yes?"

"I can't get the suitcase closed. I could use another pair of hands, if you don't mind." The two went back to their bedroom. Remus was surprisingly the over-packer of the family, often overcompensating for his wife's forgetfulness (she had yet to figure out why there was a hoard of her underwear stuffed in the bottom corner, because she thought herself to be a prepared packer, thank you very much, though Remus had a hunch she would've forgotten in the end). Tonks hopped up onto the bed and plopped herself on top of the suitcase. Remus laughed.

"What? You told me to help."

"With your hands, not your rear end." Remus was struggling with the zipper. "By the way, our son tried to get away with only packing toys. We fixed that last night."

"Splendid." Tonks squirmed to make room for him to work around her legs. "So tell me more about this house in Scotland."

"Two bedrooms. The one upstairs in a loft, so we'll be able to keep a better eye on him. Pretty small, but there's a road in the neighbourhood that heads towards the beach. Easily walking distance."

"You say easily walking distance like I should be easily disappointed."

"Oh come on, you can practically see it from the backyard."

She smirked. "You don't trust me with a car, do you?"

"I absolutely do not trust you behind the wheel of a car, no." He looked up at her and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tonks replied timidly. "I'm sorry... about Teddy, last night, it's like I said earlier-"

"Dora, stop it." Remus urged softly. "I'm excited about this trip. He's stressed, but he's going to have a great time, I'm sure."

"I know, I'm talking about... you know..." Tonks stared up at the ceiling. "I meant all the romantic stuff."

Remus shook his head. "Don't worry about it." He leaned up and kissed her on the cheek. "You're doing great and I'm proud you're talking to me."

xxxxx

"Teddy, be careful love!" Tonks called after him. She gave a nervous sigh. He wasn't listening, as he was too busy straying off the trail path to climb on rocks. "Didn't go to hell and back to have him fall over a rock and crack open his skull. Teddy! I said _be careful!"_

"He's okay, he's not going far." Remus assured. He reached and took her by the hand. She flinched with resistance, but allowed him to hold onto her fingers. "I'm sorry." He murmured.

"It's okay." She said quietly, squeezing his hand. Tonks was still a few steps ahead of him, close to dragging him, and not turning to look at him, fixated on Teddy, as he was climbing over rocks. She scoffed. "He's going to break his neck."

"No, he won't." Remus said. "Are you upset about something?"

"No?" Tonks shook her head. "Teddy, remember what I said about getting to far ahead of me."

The wind was picking up as the trail they were following winded down a set of steps that went towards a boardwalk to the water. Dark grey waves were blowing up to the shore and the sun was nowhere to be seen behind the clouds. A storm was close, but not threatening enough to the Lupins and an elderly couple couple walking their spaniel. Teddy stopped in his tracks as soon as he got closer to the water.

"Mum!" Teddy shouted back.

Tonks was trying to balance herself with the wind as she took off her shoes. "Come on, you want to go down there?"

He was distressed at the proposition. "My feet will fet dirty..."

"That's half the fun." His mother smiled. Teddy was wary as he took off his shoes. She held out her hand. "Come on, let's go together." She quite enjoyed having the sand between her toes, but Teddy wasn't as excited. He was walking like he was going to get hurt.

"I'll wait here." Remus smiled.

"It's not so bad." Tonks coaxed.

Teddy started crying because of how much he hated the sand. He hated how it felt dry and he hated the wet sand more. But he hated getting the dry sand on his wet feet the most. His mother had to hold him as he sobbed with a snotty nose, saying over and over how much he hated it. He wanted to go back to his grandparents' house. But he finally wore down. He finally wanted to go play in the water and Tonks went behind him to play. His parents showed him how to build impromptu sandcastles. Tonks stumbled back up the shore.

"You've got to be freezing! I told you it was supposed to be cool today and to put on some pants!" Remus remarked, over the blustery wind. He tried to embrace her, but it didn't do much good.

Tonks was uselessly trying to smooth her hair down. "Why've you always got to be so pessimistic?"

"Sorry, what was that?" He leaned over to try and hear her better.

"I said, why've you always got to be so pessimistic!" Tonks shouted.

"Sorry! I could've sworn I hear your teeth chattering!"

She punched his arm, wrapping her jacket around her tighter. "Oh _bug off!"_ Remus jokingly picked her up by her waist and spun her halfway around. _"Remus John-"_

He pressed a kiss against the side of her head. "I love you!"

"I love you too..." Tonks giggled, burying her face in his chest.


	33. XXXIV

It was a wet autumn that year, or at least, more so than usual, and it seemed to cut summer off short. Young students eagar to start the new school year with their new backpacks and stationary were trailing crumpled leaves inside on their shoes. Bright coloured posters and signs hung on the walls, reminding them to behave or eat well or study hard. Many of them were arriving, holding their parents' hands, while some of them were leaving breakfast in the cafeteria with their friends. Teddy's face was bright red and his cheeks were swollen and hot with tears. "Mum, I don't want you to leave me here." He pleaded.

Tonks was on the verge of crying as well. She nervously folded his jacket in her lap, bending down to hug him. "It's all going to be okay, pumpkin. I promise. You're going to have a great day without me. It'll be just a few hours. The teacher told me that you're going to be doing some reading this morning, and maths, and you'll get to go play outside after lunch." She threw her arms around her son. "I love you so much. I love you so much..."

"Mummy, don't leave me!" The boy pleaded. _"Please_ don't leave me here. I don't want to be here. You don't have to leave me here. I don't want you to leave me here."

"It's going to be okay." Tonks repeated over and over. She kissed the top of his head over and over as he clung to her. "You're going to have fun today. Today's going to be such a good day, okay? You'll have a good day and you'll tell me all about it when I come back to get you."

"No, _please_ , Mummy-" Teddy hid his face in her chest. "Please, I don't want to go-"

"You wanted to go last night." Tonks sniffled. "It's okay, sweetheart. _Really_. You'll be fine. You'll forget about me in a few hours anyways."

"I don't want to forget you!"

"You won't forget me _forever._ You'll make friends and go out and play with them and all's going to be well." She pulled his knit hat down on his head. "Remember not to morph. Or talk about any of the stuff we talked about with magic, or Mister Greyback, or any of that mess." Tonks softly encouraged, but Teddy refused to believe her. "You'll be fine."

"I want you to stay." Teddy begged. "I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to go either, but I have to. Dad and I have to be somewhere." She said. "I have to go now. Your class is starting now. They're going to call your name and you're going to say that you're here. And you're to behave. You'll be on your best behaviour. And you'll get to eat lunch later... just... be good, okay? And I'll be back in a bit to get you."

"Mum, please-" He tried to drag her down as she stood up. He was crying even harder. "Please stay, please-"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Tonks kissed his head again. She was pushing him into the classroom and over the threshold. "I'll be back this afternoon."

"But-" Teddy began to protest. His mother gave him a final goodbye kiss, before vanishing back into the hallway. A kind looking woman approached the boy and led him nervously to his seat. Tonks, on the other hand, made her way back out to the car and cried. She cried as hard as she could all the way back home. Remus had insisted on going, but she wouldn't let him, simply to make it easier for everyone to say goodbye.

xxxxx

They were running late to their appointment. Tonks took the precaution of insisting Teddy attend the school that is further away because she had been in contact with the head of the school, who happened to be married to a witch. She hadn't been in communication with them, but she knew it would be a valuable bargaining chip, should Remus getget snippy with her and decide to pull Teddy out of school.

"I'm afraid your tests are still coming up negative." The air in the room had all been sucked up. The healer looked up from his clipboard and to the couple. "From all the bloodwork I've looked at, your hormone levels look great, everything else looks fine and dandy. Mr. Lupin, you look fine as well. No full moon complications, I'm assuming, and everything looks healthy and normal for your age. However, I regret to inform you that there's still no baby."

Tonks let go of the air she was holding in her lungs. Remus squeezed her hand. Somehow the news hadn't been as soul crushing as she anticipated. Yet the healer gave her a sympathetic look as if they received a terminal diagnosis. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize, Mrs. Lupin." The healer said quickly. "This happens. It's perfectly normal. Sometimes couples, especially older couples just have a hard time getting pregnant and it takes a bit more time. Sometimes it takes more than a couple of months."

Tonks glanced over at her husband. He was choosing to stay silent. "Is everything... you know, structurally... okay?"

"Oh, absolutely." The healer nodded, writing something down on his clipboard. "I have documentation that explains that when you came back to St. Mungo's after leaving the werewolf camp, you received care that specifically worked on making sure you no longer had any damage, post-abortion."

She swallowed the hard knot on her throat. "And the pills that I was taking...?"

"Had no effect on fertility." The healer shook his head. "Those pills simply prevent pregnancy directly after a sexual encounter. There's no need to worry about any long term side effects."

"So... do we just keep... doing what we're doing?"

"If I suspect something is seriously wrong or is being handled incorrectly, we can reevaluate in six months when you come back." The healer explained. "But until then, I would recommend not stressing too much right now. Just try and relax. Don't take pregnancy tests unless you're absolutely positive that you've missed your cycle. You'll go mad obsessing over this."

"Right." Tonks nodded, awkwardly avoiding the man's eye contact. "Is six months a long time? Or a short time?"

"Sometimes I see patients bi-monthly or monthly, sometimes much longer. It depends on their case, mostly, but because one of you is already over thirty-five, I'm going to wait longer for you to come back. Do you have any further questions?"

"No, I think we're okay." Tonks shook her head. "Are you okay?"

"Perfectly fine." Remus nodded uncomfortably. "Thank you for helping us."

The healer smiled back and shook his hand. "If you have any further questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to owl me."

Tonks hopped down off of the examination table. "Thanks again."

They exited out through the hall. Remus put his arm around her shoulder. "So... no baby."

She let out a long sigh. "No baby." She repeated. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

"We don't have to do this, you know." Remus said quietly. "If you don't want one, you do know that this is a serious commitment, and I'm not going to push you into doing anything you don't want."

"I know." Tonks replied.

"I mean-I don't want to be doing all of this for nothing."

"I want to have another baby, Remus." She replied quietly as the left the healer's office and made their way towards the elevator. "It's _you_ I'm worried about not wanting one."

"Why would you say that? I've already made up my mind that I want one, too, so long as you do." Remus replied.

"I really thought they would come back positive today." She confessed softly.

Tonks paused. "You... you do actually want to have a baby, right? You're not just saying this to make me feel good, right?"

"Of course I do. If you do."

"That feels like a cop out."

"I'm not going to force you into this, that's all."

"Do I look like I'm being forced into anything right now?"

"You know what I'm talking about." Remus didn't look at her as they got into the elevator. His wife tried to hold his hand, but he was uncomfortable.

xxxxx

Teddy wasn't happy when he got home. _"You lied."_ He insisted, over and over again throughout dinner. He didn't want to go back, never ever, he told them. He couldn't quite give them a straight answer as to why he hated it and didn't want to go back, _he just did._ It was worse when his mother just laughed and said that tomorrow would be better.

But something felt off about Remus. He was happy and energetic when talking about Teddy's first day of school, but he wasn't as talkative with his wife. It wasn't until that night Tonks had a chance to pick his mind without the filter of a small child being around. Her head was spinning as she thought about all the things that could be wrong.

Remus offered, not looking up from his book. "I'll turn off the light if you need to retire."

"No, I'm good." Tonks grumbled, rolling onto her side to face him. Her eyes flickered open and she watched Remus's steady face as he flipped carefully through the book, drinking in the words. She tried to slyly lean over towards him, her face obscured by the book in his lap. Her hand gently reached up under his shirt. His skin was so warm, Tonks was sure her cold hands must have shocked him. She gently, massaged his lower stomach, her hand carefully trailing down beneath the waistband of his pajamas. She planted a kiss beside his hip.

"Dora." Remus said firmly. His eyes were close and his lips pressed together to form a tight line. She caught a glance of him and smirked.

"Remus..." Tonks smiled, trying to inch his pants down, but he didn't give her much room to.

"Dora, we can't be messing around right now, remember?" He firmly informed her.

"The healer told us not to stress over it." Tonks shot back. "Doesn't this... make it easier to, you know... get pregnant?"

"Yes, but that's not how this works-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about all the technical stuff." Tonks rolled her eyes. "We're going to go insane if we just live by a schedule like this."

"I thought we _were_ trying to get pregnant." Remus countered. "We have to wait, we have to follow the schedule."

"We _are."_ She said defensively. "But I don't see how one night's going to throw it all off like that."

Remus was still irritated. "You do know it's right before the full moon, right?"

"Oh, well perfect then." She replied, sitting up to face him. "I know you're always a bit more... _on edge_ than usual this time of the month. Explains it even more if your not off touch-"

"Dora, you know I don't like having sex right before the full moon."

"Oh, right, because you'd rather be _boring_ during the new moon than actually try and have some _fun_ for once." She rolled her eyes.

Remus tensed up defensively. "Dora," He said sharply. "You know I don't like losing control over myself like that. We were being foolish and impulsive once and we ended up with Teddy, which believe me, I am _more_ than thankful for, but I personally think I'd rather not make life-changing decisions because of my condition."

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Tonks shot back. "I thought we already established that we want to have a baby, so wouldn't _now_ be the best time then, since you talk about how we had Teddy? You're not making sense."

"I don't want to hurt you." Remus snapped.

"You _can't_ hurt me, Remus, I'm not fine china." She said dryly. Her body swayed and she climbed into his lap, straddling him. "I'm _good_. You know I'm okay now."

"You keep saying that like I can't hear you cry in the bathroom at night." He pointed out, setting his book on the nightstand. She shook her head with frustration. "I'm sorry, but I'm still worried about you. And I thought you said you were feeling bad."

"I changed my mind." She replied simply, leaning in to kiss him. Tonks was energetic, passionate and vibrant, but something about him continued to resist. "I love you."

He let out a sigh. "I love you too."

"Oh, don't sound like you're in pain, will you?" She playfully nipped at the side of his neck.

"I'll try." He said weakly.

"What's wrong then?" Tonks pulled back.

"I... I dunno." He sighed. "Like you said, I'm probably just on edge from the full moon."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He debated his response in his head. "Dora, are you trying to compensate for something? Do you feel like... I dunno, the more you sleep with me, the better you feel about yourself? Or maybe if you _do_ get pregnant, it's going to make up for lost time or something else that you lost?"

Tonks's head was too busy going through a loop of thoughts before she could muster up an easy answer. "I- what? What are you talking about?"

"I'm _asking,"_ His eyes bored into her like a teacher or a parent, commanding her to drop her act. "do you think that perhaps you feel as though you aren't good enough around me or... I dunno, like you need to be... _better,_ somehow."

"Look, I get roleplaying is a thing and all that, but do you really have to be my therapist right now?"

"Is this about Clary?" Remus interjected.

"Where did _that_ come from?" Tonks accused. "No, I'm... not trying to _have a baby_ because of _Clary_. I'm not trying to have at least semi-healthy relationship because of someone I don't even _know."_

"You don't have to act so defensive." Remus informed her.

 _"Defensive?_ Maybe I wouldn't be feeling defensive if you weren't being so... so... I dunno, _mean_ to me?"

"I'm not being mean." Remus snapped back. "I'm... not _trying_ to be mean. I'm worried a-"

"You're _always_ worried."

"I know! But I'm worried about _you_. I'm worried about your sanity and whether or not we're making a wrong choice or we're being selfish or stupid or... I don't know. There are a million things that could go wrong."

"And only half of them will. Maybe." Tonks replied, gently kissing the side of his face. "I love you. And I really want to have another baby. _Yours,_ this time. I want us to just start over and be a family. That's all I want."

"We _are_ a family, Dor." He lovingly caressed her arm, even if just to fill the room with some kind of noise, to feel something warm and real and alive, no matter how much or often it seemed like the life behind her eyes had died, having been replaced with something much, much darker. "Are you..." He cleared his throat. "Can we rain check tonight? I'd rather just lay down for a bit."

Tonks nodded eagarly and quietly. She sunk beneath the heavy bedspread, curling up in his arms. "Do you hate me for this?" She wondered.

"Hate you? No, I don't _hate_ _you."_ Remus replied. His hand was stroking her hair. Part of him holed something inside of her would light up, sending her hair into different colours, but she wouldn't budge. "We can have another baby, if you really, absolutely want, but... I mean, you do know how serious this is. You've raised Teddy... the hard way, mind you, but you did it and this one's going to be just as difficult. And we'll still need to raise Teddy, so that makes two handfuls."

Tonks glanced up at him and he stopped petting her hair. "Good thing we have four hands, then."


End file.
